The truth in our songs

Chapter 68

Mara Kenward

,, Which one do you like most? ,, I asked him as we stood in his tiny library. His blouse hanging losely from my small frame as I looked questiongly at him.

,, I don't know- there are so many books in here, so many I've read ,, his silent eyes watched me as I stroke my fingers over the old books in his shelves. It was early in the morning and rhw sun shone through the windows. It warmed my naked legs. But before I woke today Blake had already brough a few sweater of his own and a pair of sweatpants from me. He had looked at me seriously when I had refused to put clothes on and had simply pulled his sweater over my head. Nudging my nose with his finger as I glared at him.

,, All of them? ,, I asked now.

,, Not yet ,, he smiled back.

,, Pick your favourite. One that kept you turning its pages and one you carried to the fields and read it there under the tree in the sun. ,, I said and he looked at quietly for a while.

A smile tugged his lips and he walked over to one of the shelves and searched for it. I watched him and admired the way he gently stroke over every book spine, before he found the right one. But even if he wouldn't have found it, there were no wrong books, they all were right.

,, It's called 'You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense', from Charles Bukowski ,, he slowly said and gave it to me.

,, I like that name ,, I smiled at him as my fingers stroke over the yellow cover, where the letters stood in big writing. ,, Read it to me ,, I said and held the book out to him.

,, What? ,, he asked confused and laughed his beautiful laugh.

,, The book ,, I said ,, I would like you to read the book to me. ,,

When the words left my mouth i found his eyes look at me, so very filled with an emotion I desired but frightened most.

,, Why? ,, he just asked quietly.

,, Because you love it ,, I smiled and pressed the book softly back into his hands. ,, Read it to me, please ,, I added the last line quietly and saw his eyes lingering on me with that silence hat so often surrounded him when he was thinking.

,, It's a bunch of poems. Not a novel or something like that. ,, he tried but I shrugged it off.

,, I like poetry ,,

He smiled at me and tilted his head ,, Fine ,,

His big frame wordlessly walked over to the large armchair and he patted his thighs as soon as he sat, motioning me to follow. I scurried over to him and he wrapped a big blanket around us as soon as I cuddled myself into his embrace. He opened the book and I felt how his fingertips slowed. He hadn't picked it up in years probably.

,, I've got some favourites. Maybe I could read them to you? ,,

,, You could read about math and I would listen to you. ,, I mocked him and he just wrapped one of his arms tightly around my stomach, pulling her closer to me. ,, I'll always listen to you. ,,

He smiled at me and kissed the top of my head before his fingers finally found a stop between the pages of the book. Page 26.

,, The first poem is called 'no help for that' ,, he told me and I nodded as his lips parted above me again ,, there is a place in the heart that will never be filled, a space, and even during the best moments and the greatest times, we will know it, we will know it more than ever, there is a place in the heart that will never be filled, and, we will wait and wait, in that space. ,, i looked up to him as he already looked down to me.