9 - Find Out Your Secret

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I stared at him, gormlessly. Of all the things I could have imagined he would say, that was certainly not one of them.

"Yeah, you heard me right," he sighed.

"Wh - wh - how...?"

He smirked. "You want me to tell you how?"

I blushed. "No, I just... I'm just shocked. I didn't know you were back with Eleanor. Wow. Congratulations."

He raised his eyebrows briefly. "It's not with Eleanor. That's well and truly over."

"Oh." I blinked. "Sorry... um... OK."

I didn't know what to say. I was even more blindsided. I stared at him, waiting for an explanation. He fiddled with the cigarette between his fingers.

"The girl is called Briana. I met her in LA in May. We had a bit of a thing, briefly. You know." He looked at me and I nodded. "We're not together now. And yeah... she's pregnant."

"How do you know it's yours?" I blurted, without thinking. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry," I said immediately, horrified. "Please ignore me. I didn't mean that."

Louis grinned. "It's a fair question. That's one of the things I love about you - you're fųcking honest about what you're thinking."

I smiled nervously.

"And the answer is, I don't. Until the baby is born, I have to trust her. Do the right thing. Stand by her, support her, in every way possible. We'll do a DNA test straight away, and only then will I know for sure."

"Fųcking hell, Louis," I breathed.

"I know. It's some pretty crazy shįt, isn't it," he nodded, grinning.

"Just a bit," I murmured. "How... how are you? I mean, are you OK about it all? It must have been a bit of a shock."

"Shock is an understatement. It still hasn't sunk in. In all honesty, I'm torn. If I let myself get attached to the idea and it turns out it isn't mine, I don't know how I'll feel. But if I don't prepare myself for the responsibility of becoming a dad, and the baby is mine, I'll be thrown straight in at the deep end without any warning. I don't know which is worse."

I shook my head, wordlessly. I couldn't offer any advice. I was out of my depth with this one.

"Do you want to be a dad?" I asked. "Sorry," I apologised again. "That was personal. You don't have to answer that."

He grinned again. "It's fine." He held his arms out wide. "I'm ready to embrace the responsibility, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life."

I raised one eyebrow. "And the non-Modest version..?"

He leaned back and laughed. "You're something else, you know that? You just fųcking know, don't you?"

I smiled. "I'm not stupid. I only caught a glimpse of the lifestyle you all lead, but it was enough to give me a sharp insight into that fųcked up world."

He inhaled deeply on his cigarette, grinning around it. When he exhaled again he looked over at me. "How do you think I feel?"

I shrugged. "At a guess I would say terrified. Not what you would have planned at twenty-three years old and in your position. Wishing you could go back and change it, and hating yourself for having those thoughts?"

He stared at me for a moment, looking impressed. "You're good."

I smiled. "I'm a girl. We know these things."

We were both silent for a moment.

"How far along is she?" I asked.

"She's classed as eight weeks, because of the way they work it out. It happened the first week I met her. She's due the thirty-first of January."

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