No Control | Holding Me Ransom (Book 2)

31 - See Things In A Different Light

"Oh my God," I breathed, as Harry looked at me miserably. "Isn't that, like, illegal or something?"

"The whole thing was illegal," he said, flatly. "I took that drug willingly, albeit I didn't know exactly what it was mixed with, but I know it's never pure. And Speed isn't legal. I can't exactly plead full ignorance."

"Did you confront Nadine?" I asked, my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open.

"Well, I asked her what she was playing at, and she just said she told Jason what she was giving him. He was fųcked, so he didn't remember. It's his word against hers. God knows what else was in it. It could have been anything."

"Louis said you hadn't been yourself that night... That's what he meant, isn't it? He knew about the drugs," I muttered, spilling my thoughts.

"Yeah, sort of, probably," he said, vaguely. "When I found out what I'd taken I told him, but I didn't really go into detail." He looked at me sharply. "When did Louis tell you that?"

"The same night I kissed him," I sighed. "He was sticking up for you, trying to defend what you did, saying there was more to it than I knew, but he wouldn't go into detail. He said he didn't know the full story."

"Which he didn't," Harry said, with a slight incline of his head.

We sat in silence for a minute while I processed everything he had told me.

"OK," I said, finally. "OK, I have some questions."

"Shoot," he nodded.

"Why has it taken you this long to tell me all this? Why not tell me straight away when you found out about the Bremel-whatsit?"

"I was ashamed, and embarrassed," he said, looking away at the wall. "It was bad enough that I had taken those drugs, never mind their stupid name, or the effects they'd had on me. It sounded ridiculous in my head. And I'd spent the previous few weeks convincing myself I didn't love you, only to find out I'd been influenced by some chemicals... It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened that night. I was scared of messing with you even more than I already had."

"Why did you want me to come back to your hotel that night at Libertine?" I demanded, suddenly angry again as I remembered that whole debacle. "You said earlier today you didn't set me up. But the whole thing - it was so cleverly orchestrated, from the paps taking pictures of me kissing Louis, to them seeing me and you leave together, to the pictures of me leaving your hotel in a taxi. What really happened?"

He hung his head, looking at the floor.

"Louis texted me that night and said you were with him, and he was trying to get me to come down. I told him I wouldn't be joining you because I couldn't face seeing you. It was still too raw. But then he started goading me, saying you looked stunning, and if I didn't show up then there was nothing to stop him going for it. I knew he wasn't really serious, he was just winding me up, but I told him to leave you alone and said I would come. Then when I arrived you were with Gary. I watched you, from a distance, and it broke my heart to see you with someone else. I managed to keep it under control until... until that fųcking John Legend song came on, and he put his arms around you."

"What John Legend song?" I asked, confused.

"All Of Me," he muttered. "You were slowdancing to it with Gary. It just... it reminds me of you, that's all."

I felt like I'd been punched.

"Wha... what do you mean?!" I gasped.

"Just the lyrics... I can identify with them, is all," he mumbled, and then quickly cleared his throat. "I didn't intend to intrude upon your evening. I just came to shut Louis up and maybe say hi to you. But then I saw you in tears when that Ellie Goulding and Ed Sheeran mash up came on. I knew exactly what had upset you, because I was feeling the same way. I couldn't just leave you standing there on your own, crying. I couldn't help myself; I had to come over. I just wanted to comfort you. You relaxed into my arms so easily, it was like New York had never happened. But straight away I felt guilty for messing with your emotions, so I walked away again. I tried not to watch you, but I couldn't take my eyes off you. Gary was being all sympathetic and understanding and I just wanted to punch him, and then when you started swaying in his arms to John Legend -"