No Control | Holding Me Ransom (Book 2)

28 - One Step Closer

"What - so Jeff pressured you into it?" I said in horror, and he looked up at me in surprise.

"God, no!" he replied. "I wanted it. Everyone was buzzing, Jeff offered it to me, and at the time it just seemed like the solution to all my problems. I knew from experience it would perk me up and I just wanted an escape from everything. An escape from being me, just for a couple of hours. I didn't have to think twice - I just took it."

"Oh my God," I said, and it came out loud and shaky. "Oh my God."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I couldn't think of anything to say, even though a million questions were flying around my head. I couldn't articulate a response. I was in shock. Of all the things I had expected him to say, this hadn't even entered my head.

I stared at him with my mouth open, unable to speak.

"Please don't look at me like that," he said miserably.

"I just... I don't...," I stammered. "I'm just shocked," I said eventually. "I don't know what I was expecting you to say, but it wasn't that."

He nodded, and looked down at the carpet.

"I mean, I'm not stupid," I added. "I know the kind of circles you socialise in, and who your friends are. I'm not completely naïve. It doesn't exactly come as a shock to me that you've taken drugs. I suppose I just assumed it wasn't a regular thing."

"It isn't!" he said, quickly. "It's rare. I've tried stuff a couple of times, mostly when I was a bit younger, on our first couple of tours, and on odd occasions over the last couple of years. But it's never really appealed to me, even though a lot of my friends do it. It's never really been my thing. It had been over a year since I last took anything, I swear to you. I was literally on the verge of cracking that night, over everything that was going on in my life. I just wanted something to take the edge off, and I know that doesn't excuse it, but that was the reason I did it. It was the worst decision I've ever made."

"I wouldn't have thought Speed was your thing," I mused, thinking aloud. "I'm no drugs connoisseur, but I would have thought Coke was more your scene."

"None of it is 'my scene'," he snapped, emphasising the last two words with air quotes. "I told you, it's a not a regular thing for me. But you're sort of right - when I've dabbled in the past I've taken Coke more than Speed. But I need to tell you the rest; I need to get this out, and explain the full story. Please," he begged.

I was reeling from this part of his confession, and my mind was frantically trying to process this information, and fit it in with the parts I already knew. It was like a jigsaw puzzle in my head, with Harry handing me the remaining pieces, one at a time. I wasn't sure what the end picture looked like, but from the way he was talking it seemed to be far from complete.

"OK," I said, and it came out as a hoarse whisper. "Carry on."

"I felt the effects pretty quick," he began. "I'd snorted it to get the high quicker. I didn't feel tired anymore, I just wanted to party. We stayed in the bar for about half an hour, and then decided to go on somewhere else. We walked outside and I saw Sara. She was with another girl from their group, and she smiled when she saw me. I went over to say goodbye to her and she was being all giggly and flirty. I gave her a hug, and she sort of pressed herself up against me, and..." He stopped abruptly.

"And what?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"And... it kind of turned me on, the way she felt against me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I kissed her cheek, and then she gave me a flirty smile and then left."