No Control | Holding Me Ransom (Book 2)

36 - All Alone In This Hotel

By the time I got back to the hotel it was late afternoon. I took a takeaway coffee up to my room and lay on the bed in silence. I stared up at the ceiling and thought back over my relationship with Harry, starting from the moment Callie rang me to invite me to that house party back in March. I had barely known him six months, and we'd been through enough drama to write a book. I'd never experienced such an intense relationship before; not only in terms of the depth of feeling I had for Harry, but the non-stop rollercoaster I'd been riding ever since I first laid eyes on him. There had never been a dull moment; be it kiss-and-tells, paparazzi intrusion, water fights, grand gestures, unexpected appearances, earth-moving sex, management interviews or drunk dials. Most people didn't have to deal with even one tenth of this insanity in their entire lives but here we were, six months in, with a lifetime of excitement already behind us. It was crazier than a fanfiction.

For the first time in weeks I felt like I could think clearly. I was confident I finally had all the facts, and I was almost looking forward to going over everything in my mind, picking over the carcass of our relationship and examining each bit in detail. I had sort of detached myself from it in a way; the decision to let Harry go had given me the ability to look at this rationally, without my love for him colouring my view of the situation. I finally understood that there was no way I would ever be able to get over the hurt if Harry was constantly putting pressure on me, and although neither of us had really realised it, that was exactly what he had been doing. In sending him away it had given me the clean break I needed to come to terms with everything and sort my life out.

I'd meant what I'd said to him by the river: I didn't know if there would ever be a future for us, and I believed I was doing the kindest thing to both of us in telling him to move on and be happy without me. I knew that if I kept him close to me while I processed all of this I would end up resenting him, and there would never be any hope for us. In setting him free I was giving him the chance to move on from the hurt I had caused him with my lack of trust. I knew I was taking a big risk, and if my feelings changed and I decided I wanted him back, there would be a high chance he wouldn't want me. But it was the only option I had for now, and I didn't want to think about this too much. I needed to be level-headed.

Needing some outsider perspective on this latest turn of events, I called Callie.

"I need to tell you something," I said when she answered the phone.

"Oh God, what have you done?" she sighed.

"Why so cynical?!" I demanded.

"Because your life has been a car crash these last few months," she replied bluntly, in true Callie-style.

"Thanks," I said dryly. "I need your take on something, but I need you to stay quiet until I've told you the full story."

"OK," she agreed.

"I mean it. No butting in."

"Alright," she said impatiently.

I took a deep breath.

"This involves Harry Styles doesn't it?" she said, before I could speak.

I exhaled loudly. "If you're going to interrupt I'll call someone else."

"OK, OK," she said quickly. "I'm listening."

"OK," I said, nervously. "So last night, out of the blue, Harry was waiting for me when I finished work -"

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "I knew it was something to do with that snake!"

I hung up the phone, threw it on the bed, and waited. It lit up immediately.

"Sorry," she said, meekly, when I answered.

"That was your final warning," I said. "Interrupt me again and I'll call Sarah and talk to her about this instead."