Barbed Lives ☑️

3. Settling Down Or Setting Up?

He saw me, came towards me and checked time on his wrist watch.
"Impressive."
He said clearly unamused.

I silently thanked the voice for earning me this compliment.

"Go wear your clothes without dusting off. And then get all your luggage there..."
He pointed towards a building.
"I'll meet you there."

With this he left again.
What's up with passing orders and leaving? Aren't you supposed to check on me?

Nevertheless I went back, put on my shirt and let the pebbles and little stones slip down from my back and enter forbidden places. Pulling up my trousers directed the stones towards the same area I wanted to stay untouched.

But thank god I had the privilege to cover my body again - chafed or not chafed.

I came all the way back, picked up my remaining luggage and headed towards the building I was told.
'Stores'

Am I going in a wrong direction? Why would I be called at the stores building?
Well , there's no why and there definitely are no answers to these Why's.
Just do as told.

I entered and found him sitting there.
He pointed towards the floor and I kept my bags near his feet.

"Take out your sleeping bag, basic toileteries, and three pairs of training tracks. Submit rest everything here, you won't be needing it."

I took out the things he specified and repacked everything else - including my uniform. I had barely worn it for a few hours since I became an officer.

Not knowing when I'll see it again, I zipped the bag up and submitted at the counter. Finishing with the paperwork, I went back to him.

He took a turn for 'CTO Accommodation' and now my arse tightened. This was like hostel all over again, but with nobody to check what's going on inside and nobody to give a damn about the lights out or loud noise.

Can't believe I'll say this one day - but right now, I feel that KMA hostel was a safe heaven even as the junior most cadet.

He walked to the last room with me following him. It was a walk of shame because all CTOs were standing at their doors to look at me.
I was like a piece of meat amongst hungry lions.

I just nodded at every pair of feet I saw, not really knowing what to do.
I didn't lift my head up for the love of god.

"That's your J boy, sir?"
One officer asked.

"Unluckily yes."
Norman replied unamused.

"Doesn't look like he'll survive here for long, Norman."
Another guy said.

"I told him already. He's not ready to leave without giving it a try."
He stressed on the last word as if I was offending them.

Well may be.
Trying something they've earned with sweat and blood sounds definitely offensive.

"We'll get our hands on his trial? I want to give him a taste."
Third guy spoke and I choked while others laughed.

"You might, sir. Commander will decide that tomorrow. He is yet to meet him. That's why he gets to sleep inside tonight."
Norman laughed and I walked confused. What does he mean sleep inside tonight?

There were a few more comments which I later realised was to freak me out and run away with my baggage.

As soon as we reached the last room, everyone got inside and there was silence in the corridor.

Opening a door, he pointed "This is your room for tonight. Pray that you won't have to stay for another night. You're not allowed to use the personal washroom of this room. Common washrooms are on that end. Go get fresh. Wear one of the tracks, look presentable. You have fifteen minutes. Knock on the last door when you're done."

"Yes sir."
I waited for him to go open and enter the last door I'm supposed to knock within fifteen minutes.

Only when I entered the room and closed the door behind me, I fell on my knees. It was a tough day and nothing has even happened yet.
My KMA days were million times harder than this - but never have I been strained mentally so much.

My head hurts and my mind is wandering towards thoughts I can't afford to have right now.
Giving up or leaving is not an option.
I can't even think about it.

But whatever happened today is forcing me to pick my bags and go.

So much of resistance, so much of hostility, it feels like I'm not wanted here.
Am I really doing a right thing?
Am I supposed to be here?
Do I belong here at all?

Yes you do.
Even if you feel hostile, you have to stay. You have to do it for Beta, for KMA.

Like a punch I pushed away these thoughts. Told you, I can't afford to have them in the first place. Wasted twenty six seconds of my precious time.

But I needed this talk with myself.

I took a bath, got into cleaner pair of clothes. And as instructed, I went and knocked at his door before even ten minutes were up.

"Academy habits?"
He asked as soon as he came out.

"Yes sir."
Fifteen minutes are too much. I could do the whole sequence thrice, back at KMA.

He nodded and we walked towards the mess. Thankfully it was late enough for everyone. So we were the only two people having dinner. The food was great, definitely better than KMA.

I had a good amount for night and hopefully till tomorrow afternoon.
You can never trust when you'll get your next nap and next meal.
So replenish your stocks for both whenever you get a chance.

He didn't say a word during dinner and thanks to that, I was able to fill my stomach without any butterfly.

As soon as we came out, his mood changed.
"Commando crawl."
I got flat on ground and started moving, with a fucking full stomach!

"Have a peaceful sleep tonight. Wake me up at 5. I'll get you interviewed with the Commander and then see what to do with you."
He said uninterested and left.
Again.

Thankfully I knew the way back so I reached my room crawling and got up only after I entered.

Saying that I wasn't freaking out would be a huge goddamn lie.
I was shit scared and nervous.

I was all on my own with not even a ghost on my side. It felt different. I felt cornered.

I tried to sleep off before I go back to the same thoughts I've been trying to avoid with great difficulty.

I have to do this.
I will do this.

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Who else can dare to survive at such a hostile place on his own?
Poor boy, he's all alone there.
And he has not yet even met the commander!

And woah! 'Self pep talk' has its roots here.
😂😂.

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All those wondering what bells should 'CCTC' ring in your heads, go read the Epilogue of Fifty Pushups Miss. You'll get the reference. 😉

And for the 'nice' man, a few of you guessed it right. Wait till he makes an appearance again..

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