Barbed Lives ☑️

57. Numbing Needles

My sight was stuck on her and my limp body slowly gave away till darkness surrounded me and I lost all contact with time.

There was no light. And there was no sound. I drifted off to sleep.

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It was still dark but my head was bursting in pain. I also felt a deep ache in my chest.
I felt broken, crushed from inside.

Suddenly Merlen's bleeding face appeared again in my mind. I jerked open my eyes to find a nurse standing right next to me, checking my pulse.

It must have been so sudden that she flinched back with my action.
Realising that I'm awake, she called out loudly "Doctor, patient is up."

"Merlen?"
I asked without giving a damn to the doctor.
I start getting up only to find two lines up my wrists and a probe attached to my finger. Fluids were being given to me through both my hands and I wanted to get them off quickly.

"Please stay down. Doctor is coming."
She said calmly.

"I don't care about the doctor! Where are my wife and son? Where is Merlen? She injured her head. Where's she?"
My heartbeats were rising.
I couldn't just feel it, but also the rising 'beep' coming from machine kept behind me proved it.

"Your son is absolutely fine. Just a few scratches but he'll be fine."
Oh thank Holy Jesus!
Nick is fine.

"And my wife?"
With that her eyes got fixed on mine and her face reflected one expression that I didn't want to see - pity.

"Let the doctor come. He'll explain."
What's wrong?
Why can't she tell me whether my girl is okay or not. Did she lose a lot of blood? Did she lose any part of her body? Is she unconscious too? Is she in coma?
When will she be fine?
I just want her to be here with me. I want to see her with my own eyes.

I held myself against my animalistic reflex to run away.

The doctor entered with two more men behind him. They were tall and built bulkily. It was as if doctor came with his protection. But why would he need that? Not that I'm going to kill him or something.
"Mr. James. How are you feeling? Any headache or tinnitus or change in vision? Are you experiencing any -"

"How is she?"
I only asked what was most important at the moment.

He had the same expression as that of nurse and I wanted to break his jaw.
"Why won't you say anything! Where is she? I want to meet her!"
I yelled and the two men went stiff, ready to take on me.

"I'm sorry, Mr James, you can't meet her."
"Why!?"

"Because we lost her."
He said looking down.
The nurse had tears in her eyes.
"Excuse me." she said and left rubbing her stuffy nose.

"What do you mean lost her?"
I was still trying to find what these words could mean.
There's no way my girl is dead.

"Mrs Merlen Dwight is no more, Mr James. She lost a lot of blood by the time she reached here. Her respiratory centres had stopped working due to lack of oxygen and so she was kept in ICU after intubation. We tried our best and made her breathe artificially for three days so that you could... But she had a cardiac arrest yesterday and could not be revived. I'm sorry at your loss, Mr. James."

No!
NO!
FUCKING NO!

"You're lying. She is not dead. Where is she? Take me to her. I want to see her. You're lying!"
I started getting up.

"Guards..."
He whispered and immediately both men were standing by my sides holding my arms tight.

I tried getting off their hold but I felt too weak to fight.
After trying for a few moments, I gave in.

My body felt like a ton but my heart was heavier.
I went limp in their hands.

Realising that I won't fight anymore, they left me to my state and went and stood next to the doctor.

She waited for three days, to tell me bye.
And I just kept sleeping.

It's all my fault.
I killed her.
I thought I'll make up for everything! But instead I drove her to death!

Fuck you James, you killed Merlen!
You killed your girl, you murderer!!

Merlen please come back to me.
I can't do this without you. I need you. You promised to be with me forever. You can't leave me in the middle.

"Can I see her bod.."
And I broke into sobs.
What has happened. What to do to make it alright. How do I bring her back?

"Yes sir."
He said and I was lifted up by my arms and placed on a wheelchair.
I was dragged to the mortuary when I saw Nick sitting on the floor, oblivious of my arrival.

He continued to look at the floor.
As soon as I saw someone covered with white linen, I cried.
Please don't be Merlen.
I kept repeating to myself till I removed the sheet and looked at the face.

It was sunken and dried.
The beautiful eyes of my girl were now deep in sockets and her soft cheeks sucked in. But worst were her lips - always lush pink were now blue... and cold.

"Get up. Please. Baby get up. Merlen.. wake up baby.. enough games.. not anymore I promise, please.. I'll stay with you forever, I won't leave you two. Just get up for once my girl.. Merlen!"
I shook her face lightly.

If there's any god up there listening to me, wake her up just like you did to me.

"Sir..."
A boy stood next to me - almost Nick's age.
His hand was on my shoulder, trying to soothe me.

The moment I realised that I had lost Merlen for good - I wanted to fall apart.
I pulled that boy close to me and I cried with my head on his bony shoulder and my eyes on my girl.

"She's dead..."
I whispered, forcing myself to accept the truth.
The more I thought about it, the more I cried.
All this while a hand ran over my back.

Nothing mattered.
I lost her and I don't know what I'm going to do now. How am I going to live without her.

"Mom..."
Nick's hand was on Merlen's other cheek. I lifted my eyes to look at my son - a part of Merlen who was still alive.

"I love you."
He whispered, went down and kissed her cheek.
He wasn't crying but the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had run out of tears.

"Nick.."
I called him.

He didn't look at me.
He turned around and walked away.
"Nick..!"
I called him again only to get no response from him.

"He will be fine."
The other boy said.
"I'll take care of him. Please take care of yourself, sir."

What's left to care now - came a voice from inside my heart.
I couldn't agree to it more.

What's left?
Merlen is no more.
I killed the woman who loved me with all her heart. I murdered the girl I loved like crazy.

I lost her. I can't hear her voice anymore. I can't laugh at her jokes anymore. I can't kiss her anymore.

I lost Merlen.
She is dead.
What's left for me to live?

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Even the strongest people have difficult days. That's all I'll say today.

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