You Look Perfect (lams)

Chapter 26

T.W: mention of rape
A/N: a little bit angsty so sorry about that besties
Johns POV:

Me and Alex had just got done watching our favorite Disney movie, moana, when I noticed he started fidgeting with his hands. A frown tugged at my lips and I rubbed his back softly.

"What's wrong, Lexi?"

He looked up at me and shrugged. "N-nothing. I just have, um, a question." I tilted my head at him as a motion for him to keep going. "W-what are we, John?" I felt my breath hitch because honestly, I don't know.

I obviously like him and he likes me back so it seems simple, just ask him out. But it's really not.

For one, Alex is still technically in a relationship so he's cheating, really.

Secondly, I haven't had very good experiences with relationships in the past. My first relationship when I was 14 was with Francis. The manipulative, abusive, asshole. He kinda ruined my entire view on men.

So after he got arrested, I dated this girl, Martha. We broke up about a year into it because I realized I was indeed gay. She understood and agreed not to tell my dad because she saw how he was.

Third, and this is the problem I keep coming back to, if me and Alex date but then break up it could ruin our friendship. Not to mention break up the friends group.

"Um...john?"

I now realize I zoned out for a straight five minutes.

"S-sorry. You were saying?" He repeats his question and I take a shaky breath. I part my lips to answer him when he gets a phone notification.

He picks up his phone and a look of worry and disbelief washes over his face. "W-what's wrong? Alex?"

Alex's POV:

I flip my phone around to show John.

Unknown number: *picture of John and Alex kissing taken through Alex's window*

Unknown number: This is Reynolds. Me, Lee, and seabury are coming to get John. If he refuses I will not hesitate to send out this picture to Eliza, the whole school, and most importantly, John's father.

I watch as John scans the screen before handing me back the phone, tears welling in his eyes.

"John...you don't have to do it. I don't care if the the whole school or Eliza knows. It'll be fine." He shakes his head as the tears start flowing down his cheek, breaking my heart.

"No, Alex! It won't be fine!" He snaps. I flinch at the sudden noise and sink away from him a bit. "If my dad finds out....that can't happen!" I nod confused because I don't want to make John even angrier.

"I have to do it." I shake my head and wipe away a tear that's threatening to fall from my eye. "John, you can't. They'll hurt you.." He looks over at the wall by my dresser.

"Not as much as my father will."

Just like that a tear trickles down my face. He never told me about his father. That doesn't matter right now, though. "They could rape you, John! Laf told me what francis used to do!You don't understand! You can't go with them!" I shout. He stands up from the bed angrily.

"You think I don't know that, Alex?! I know what they're gonna do. Hell, I've already experienced it! These are the boys that used to hang out with my ex. He would try to do things with me and when it was obvious I didn't want to, his friends would help him..s-shut me up!"

I take a deep breath as the tears keep flowing down my cheeks, John clearly trying to stop his.

"He...he would bring me to his friends parties, get me drunk, and take me upstairs to..take advantage of me. Reynolds knew what what happening. Lee knew what was happening. Neither of them tried to stop Francis, or help me. Sometimes-"

He gets cut off by a broken sob. I try to go over and comfort him but he just shakes his head and sniffles. I reluctantly sit back down so he can finish talking. He takes a deep breath and wipes a tear before starting again.

"Sometimes, if Reynolds was bored Francis would give me to him. Let him do what he wanted with no regard for me, my feelings, or my mental and physical health. Francis just let him use me like some type of fucking toy, Alex. I was never human in their eyes. Either of them."

His legs are noticeably starting to shake and the tears are just involuntary at this point but he composes himself once more.

"So yeah, they might rape me. It's already happened and there's a good chance it'll happen again. But I can't, and I mean can't let my father see that picture. Reynolds may hurt me, but my father would kill me. If I'm lucky that's the worse he'll do. I have to go with them, Alexander. I do. I'm sorry."

He sits back down on the bed and tries to stop himself from crying with no success. His whole body starts shaking as he cries into the palms of his hands. I go over to his part of the bed and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back and clings onto the back of my shirt for dear life.

I feel him panting and sobbing softly into my shoulder and my shirt getting wet from his tears. We stay like this for about two minutes before he pulls back and wipes his wet, red face with his hoodie sleeve.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry for y-yelling at you. I'm sorry for n-not telling you sooner, I'm sorry for everything. But I h-have to do this, Alex. Please d-d-don't try to s-stop me that's just gonna make it huh- hu- harder to d-do." He rants, his stutter he gets when he's nervous evident with each word he says.

"If you feel you need to do this, then I'm not one to stop you. I just hate the idea of you getting h-hurt or worse. I've never felt this way about anyone, John. I don't wanna lose you."

He sniffles and wipes a stray tear on my face with the pad of his thumb. "You won't lose me, I promise. You can't get rid of me that easily, Hamilton." I chuckle softly at his antics and pull him in. I kiss him like I'll never see him again and hold onto him weakly, burying my face in his chest. My chin quivers at the thought of never holding my John again. And he notices this.

"Don't cry Lexi, I'll be fine. I have my phone and I'll text you the address as soon as I can, in case something happens. I- I've never felt this way about anyone, either. And I'm not about to let you go like that."

Another ding from my phone.

Unknown number: we're waiting outside. send him out now.

He sees it and kisses me one more time.

"I'll be back soon, Lexi."

Please be back soon.