To Love in Full

Chapter 17: Ambivalence

Ambivalence (n.) The state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about someone or something.

Arabella's P.O.V.

"No, I can't do it," I mumbled to myself as I shut the bedroom door for the hundredth time.

For the past few minutes I have been debating with myself whether or not I should go downstairs; I don't think I can ever face him again, I thought as I cringed at the memories from when Nicolo confronted me with my small lover that I've spent many nights with.

The sound of my stomach rumbling interrupted my thoughts as the feeling of hunger took over me.

"Fine," I grumbled to myself as I shut my eyes and took a deep breath while I opened the door.

The sound of muffled voices and the savory aroma of food guided my feet towards the kitchen, but I stopped in my tracks when I witnessed something truly appalling. It was a disservice to me. The unkindness in this estate, I scoffed. The audacity of some men, I thought as I glared at my victim.

"Are you eating my Nutella?!" I yelled at Manny as I saw my opened jar of sweetness in front of him and a sandwich between his hands, just inches away from his mouth.

I watched as his eyes darted frantically across the room towards Nicolo and Leone.

"Leone had some as well!" he sighed out as he held up his hands in surrender.

I snatched my jar of Nutella as I whipped my head towards Leone with my mouth wide open in shock.

"Can't you guys buy your own?" I exclaimed as I dipped my pinky into the jar and brought the hazelnut spread towards my lips, slightly moaning at the pleasure that my taste buds experienced.

"Nicolo doesn't allow unhealthy food in this house," Leone explained from across the counter.

I looked up towards Nicolo and saw that his darkened eyes were watching me carefully as I finished sucking off the chocolate from my finger.

"Mmm, well, I like things that are nutty, sweet, and a bit salty," I said as I licked the chocolate off my lips and stared back at Nicolo, and smirked when I saw him shift in his seat.

"Ti ho detto di non farlo," I heard a woman's voice say behind me (I told you not to do it).

"Non toccare mai il cibo di una donna senza il suo permesso," she said as she walked over to the stove and checked the liquid that was simmering inside of a pot (Never touch a woman's food without her permission).

I turned towards the voice and noticed that it belonged to an elderly woman. Her gray hair was put up into a low bun and the apron that she wore over a quaint dress was covered in different stains from food that she made.

"Ciao, cara," she said to me as wrinkles formed at the corner of her eyes when she smiled.

"Hi, I'm Ara-" I began to introduce myself but she cut me off.

"I know who you are! Piccolo Nicolo has mentioned you quite a bit," she said as she pushed me towards a stool and forced me to sit down (Little Nicolo).

"Piccolo Nicolo," I whispered under my breath so that only Nicolo could hear. I bit the inside of my cheek and placed my index finger over my lips to try and stifle a laugh as I saw him glare at me. I'm never letting this go, I thought to myself as I looked down at my lap to hide my smile.

"Now eat up, you must be hungry. I expect to see an empty bowl when I come back," she said as she placed the soup in front of me.

I looked down at the masterpiece she gave me and dipped my spoon into the velvety red liquid, catching bits of a ring shaped pasta and basil leaves. I sighed in satisfaction and closed my eyes when I brought the spoon to my lips and tasted savory tomatoes with a hint of paprika. Tortellini soup, I thought as I began to devour my bowl. My favorite.