Adam: That sounds like a terrible plan.
Jack: Oh, we've had worse.
*Ryan nodding*
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Kidnapper: I have your brother.
Adam: Which one...
Kidnapper: The one who called me a lowlife bitch and spat in my face?
Adam: Oh ok, you have Jack
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*Ryan visibly upset*
Jack: Ryan, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out Candyland wasn't an actual country.
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Jack: I'm ten times funnier and sexier than you
Adam: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Jack: Jokes on you; I can't do math
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Ryan: GET BACK HERE, YOU DUMB FUCK!
Adam: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!
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*Ryan and Jack accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Ryan: We need an adult!
Jack: Ryan, you are an adult!
Ryan: We need an adultier adult! Get Adam!
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Jack: And I'd love to be sorry for that, but we all know I've done much, much worse.
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Jack to Ryan: I'd give you my nuts to ensure you have a great birthday.
Also, Jack: let's hope it doesn't come to that
Ryan: what the fuck is wrong with you
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Jack: Eat ass, suck dick, sell drugs. By the end, you have your own small business
Ryan: You're not technically wrong
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Ryan: you remember being 12 when you're like, no one look at me or else I'm going to kill myself.
Adam: umm, maybe why?
Ryan: cause I feel like I'm 12 again.
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Adam: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don't care for that shit at all.
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Ryan: I'm just shiny and dumb and easy to trick.
Jack, laughing: oh, I know
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*Jack and Ryan are holding a lit match and hairspray*
Adam: I dare you to do it; can you do it?
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*Ryan talking about toddler Winter*
Ryan: he's a very good boy; his favorite pacifier just got recalled; it's such a bummer; he loves it. So we had like a dozen of them. We still have them in a basket on the counter. I see this look in his eyes all the time of like, "ugh, I wanna use though, but I can't cause they could kill me."
Jack: I'm like welcome to my life, bud!
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Adam: Aaand we're back on at Secrets with Adam!! Today's topic: Ryan hit Jack with a book; brothers spat???? Does Jack get kicked out?????
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Ryan: Did you know that a lot of people think chocolate milk comes from brown cows?
Adam: Ry, it's 2.30 in the morning!
Ryan: They'll probably look for pink cows for strawberry milk.
Jack: I wonder if they think Oreos come from those black and white cows...
Adam: Just let me FUCKING SLEEP!
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Ryan: Hey Jack! Don't get mad but-
Ryan: STOP THAT'S YOUR MAD FACE I SAID DON'T DO THAT-
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Adam: would you please stop staring dramatically off into the distance while i'm talking to you?
Jack, staring dramatically into the distance: i have no idea what your talking about.
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Ryan: I suffered from nosebleeds when I was little. Once I had one so bad I was covered in blood. So I went to wake Jack up. He opened his eyes to see a bloodsoaked child leaning over him in the dark, saying, "please help," and to this day, I still hear him screaming.
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YOU ARE READING
AJR incorrect quotes
HumorThese are just things I thought about AJR at 3 am ⚠︎ sᴛᴏʀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ: sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ⚠︎︎ 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑯𝒂𝒕𝒆 = 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌 Finished: February 2, 2023
