The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Changing My Mind.

*A Month Later*
I wake up in Peeta's arms and I'm exhausted. I had 3 nightmares last night, which resulted in Peeta having to calm me down for half of the night. I don't deserve him. I've also been getting worse. Of course, Peeta doesn't know that. He's noticed how I look though. How I'm losing weight and how my face looks hollow. I tell him its nothing but I know he doesn't believe that.
I'm in the same position as when I woke up, except now it's not quiet in my head, all my thoughts running around. I try not to even move a tiny bit, because Peeta's still asleep and I'm sure he's as tired as me.
I am laying on his chest when I feel him start to rub my shoulder.
"Did I wake you up?" I ask, startled at his awakening.
"No, you didn't." He laughs. I ease down and try to focus on the pattern of the strokes on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asks.
"I'm fine." I remark briefly, acting like the question was ridiculous.
"You're shaking." He sighs. "Katniss, you can't live like this." I tilt my head to face him.
"Just remembered my nightmare, that's all." I say and he gives me a look. I move my head back and close my eyes for a while.
I need to get out of the house. It feels like I'm in a box with 4 walls, filled with horrors of the past and memories of evil. Nothing feels positive as long as I'm in this house. The house she once occupied. The house we once both were in.
I suddenly sit up and he looks at me like I'm crazy. "Let's go to the hob." I suggest. He watches as I have a random burst of energy and is confused.
"Alright." He says getting up. I follow him and get dressed for the day. As I look in the mirror, I see a reflection I can't seem to recognize. I don't look like me. My face is hollow and I've thinned out. I sort of feel as if I can understand Peeta's views on me; why he's always so worried.
I walk down the steps and Peeta waits by the door while I slip on my shoes. I stand up and join him at the door. I reach my hand out and he interlocks his hand with mine. He closes the door and we start to walk towards town.
"What are you looking to buy?" He asks me.
"I want to find a necklace. Maybe from the lady that came from 4–she has really beautiful stuff." I smile. He looks into my eyes then looks forward. What was that about? I try to ignore it and keep walking.
I start to see the hob but I eventually get crowded with the cameras. I grip Peeta's hand in fear that I'll lose it. I plaster a fake smile on my face as we near the reporters and wait for them to speak. You'd think after all these interviews you'd get used to the cameras.
"How was your wedding?" A woman asks while almost shoving the microphones in our faces.
"It was good." Peeta says.
"Any chance of a star crossed baby?" I look at the reporter and freeze.
"Not any time soon." I say quickly. I don't have time to think about the response, it feels like I didn't have control of it leaving my mouth. Peeta darts a look at me and I can tell he's confused. I know I told him I would, it's just I've been rethinking it.
After a while we finish the conversation but Peeta seems off. I deeply regret saying that. He pulls me through the cameras and we walk into the hob without saying a word. I walk around until I find the woman I once met from district 4. Peeta follows close behind me, being protective though he's frustrated with me.
"I see your back." She smiles as I move towards her. I smile back at her and marvel at her pieces laid through the stand.
"I am." I laugh. "I never quite caught your name."
"Oh, my apologies. My name is Mira." She says while smiling.
"That's a beautiful name." I say looking at her. "You remind me of someone I used to know." Mags. She smiles at the compliment and asks me what I'm looking for. I ask her if she has any necklaces and she beams.
"I do." She pulls out a small rack and my eye is draw to a simple necklace. It has a small loop at the bottom connected to a white pearl. I gently grab the necklace.
"How much for this?" I ask while admiring it in my palm.
"You take it." She smiles. "It will look beautiful on you."
"Are you sure? I have more money than I need." I say trying to pay her.
"It's all yours." She says while closing my hand over the necklace. I look at her and remember Mags, I hadn't know her for very long. Maybe if we had more time we could've been friends—although, I've never been very good at friends.
I say goodbye and admire the necklace. We walk out of the hob through a backdoor and I turn to Peeta.
"I know your mad but can you help me?" I ask quietly.
"I'm not mad." He says while turning my shoulders around. I pick up my braid while he takes the necklace in both hands.
He clips the ends together and I let down my braid. "Looks gorgeous on you." He says but I can see in his eyes that he's hesitant towards me. I didn't mean to hurt him like this. I just wasn't thinking, seems like I never am.
"What made you change your mind?" He asks as we walk back to the house.
"I'm scared. I know that I told you I would but I feel like everything's changed."
"Katniss, from the way I see it—nothing has changed."
"Yes it has." I mutter. "How can I take care of children if I can't even care for myself?" I ring. He looks at me then looks to the ground.
"It's not all up to you." He adds. "I feel like you forget I'm here to help."
"I'm not forgetting you." I scuff my feet across the ground.
"Is that what this is about?" He asks stopping in the road. "The massive weight loss, the sunken face, the shaking?"
"No, Peeta." I catch myself, I need to stop lying. "I didn't want you to worry about me. It's like I've buried myself in a hole that I can't climb out of." My tears begin to flood my eyes.
"I'm always going to worry about you. But when you don't tell me stuff—it makes me worry worse, darling." He says walking towards me. He reaches out and I bury my face in his chest. "Listen, I don't want to see you upset about this. We can just drop it for another day." He says softly. I keep my face covered—I feel really guilty. It feels like I always make him ignore his feelings. This time it's especially giving me remorse because I know this is important to him.
We stand there for a while before walking home. I can feel my face all puffy from crying. It's around lunch time when we enter the door. I kick off my shoes and go into the living room. I flop down on the couch and sigh. Peeta comes in and lays a blanket on me.
"Want anything to eat?" He asks.
"No, thank you though." I say settling into my blanket. He gives me a worried look but walks away. I hear him close the door of the art room. I wonder what he's painting. I hear a noise and realize the tv has been playing and I look up to watch it.
"Looks like something has been going on with the new married couple!" Caesar chuckles. I sit up and stare at the tv. They play the scene of us fighting then me crying into him. They also play the clip of me shutting down all of the baby rumors. I feel the tears fill up in my eyes and I jump up. I quietly walk over to the front door and run across the yard. I would go to Peeta it's just that I've already bothered him enough.
Maybe Haymitch can help me.