The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Wrong.

*Katniss's POV*

"It means nothing, Katniss. Maybe it just skipped a month. Irregularity happens to everyone."

That's what I keep telling myself. But I have doubt. And I'm still throwing up. Maybe I should go talk to Johanna. She probably would know more. Good thing she is visiting, I think.

I grab my coat and sip on my boots. I hear Peeta start walking towards me.
"Where are you going?" He asks.
"I'm just going to see Johanna, she's having a bad day." Another lie. I'm really bad at this whole "no lying" thing.
"Alright." He pulls me in for a kiss, which I accept. "Do you know when you'll be back?"
"Probably later, I wanna make sure she's okay." I say, walking towards the door.
"Stay safe." He says right as I'm about to close the door.
"Always." I mumble.
_
I'm just outside of Johanna's rental house, and I knock on the door. Please don't be asleep, I think. Usually I wouldn't go to anyone when I'm struggling, but I need someone.
I impatiently knock on the door and it finally opens. I walk inside and see Johanna confused.
"Hey, brainless." She says. That's her nickname for me, I don't know when it started but it's not that bad.
"I need help. Like right now." I say sitting on her couch. Johanna follows me and sits in a chair next to me.
"With what? And why are you here so early?" She mutters.
"I've been sick for almost 3 weeks." I huff.
"It's probably an illness," she pauses, "which I'm not interested in catching." She scoots over.
"I don't think it's that kind of sickness, Jo." I remark. She begins to laugh and I give her a puzzled look.
"That's obvious, Katniss." She rolls her eyes and laughs. "You've got to be pregnant."
I shrug my shoulders and sigh. "There's no way."
"Maybe there's a chance your not." She says pitifully. "Did you take a test?"
"Didn't have one. And I don't wanna be seen or filmed buying one." I say, it's Friday so the "paparazzi" are most certainly filming. You would think after a while they would start to care less.
"I'll get one." She says. "I don't care."
"Thank you." I say, getting up to hug her. She reluctantly embraces me and I pull back after a short while.
"I'll be back in like 10 minutes, you should stay here." I nod and she gets ready to leave.
_
It's been 15 minutes when I hear a knock on the door. I look through the peephole to see Johanna.
"I forgot my keys." She mutters. I laugh and open the door for her.
"Did anybody see you?" I ask looking around.
"Oh yeah," she says. "I don't care though." She hands my the bag with the test and I stare at it. "Maybe it's negative, there's always a chance."
"I really don't want to be pregnant, Jo." I feel the tears begin to build up.
"Stop crying and take the damn test." She jokes around. It makes me feel better. I nod and go into the bathroom. I read the instructions and do as they say. Once I'm done, I put it on the counter, upside down, for 3 minutes. I wash my hands and dry them off.
I can't be pregnant. I can't be a mother. I can barely manage myself, let alone another being. I'd just screw them up, give them some sort of trauma. And no kid deserves to live the way I did.
"Hurry up, it's been 5 minutes." I hear her yell on the opposite side of the door. I sigh and stand up, bracing myself for what I'm about to unveil.  I grab the test in my hand and flip it over. I freeze, looking at the test.
"What's it say?" Johanna says barging in. She looks at me confused then at the test.
"It has to be wrong." I remark out of breath. I throw it across the floor. I fall to my knees and the tears begin to trickle down my cheek. Johanna sits down beside me and for the first time, she's quiet.
"I didn't want this." I sniff. "I can't do this, be a mother. This isn't what I wanted."
"Things happen for reasons." She sighs. "Are you happy at all?"
"I don't know." I huff. "Peeta will be content."
"This isn't about him, Katniss. I know him, we're old friends. He will do anything you want, he won't make you do anything you don't want to." She says handing me a tissue. I nod and wipe under my eyes. She helps me stand up and I look in the mirror pathetically.
She stands behind me and laughs. "Did you even wash your hands?" She jokes. I give a small laugh and sigh as I turn around. I smile as she shows me to the door. I say my goodbyes, but as soon as she closes the door my smile fades.
I'm not happy. I have no idea what I can do. This is out of my abilities, I can't do this.
_
I'm close to home when I see the cameras from the side of me. I speed my walk up a bit and try to get away but it's no use. I try to conceal my puffy eyes and put on a fake smile.
Leave me alone, I beg. Not today, I can't even think to myself. Let alone plan out my words.
"Katniss! We just have a few questions, would you mind answering?" A reporter shoves a microphone in my face.
"I'm really in a hurry—" I start but they surround me closer.
"It will only take a few moments." She remarks. I roll my eyes as I nod while walking and talking at the same time.
"We spotted Johanna Mason today, is she in town for something in particular?"
"Just visiting." I say coldly.
"And why was she buying a pregnancy test?" I'd really love if you could mind your own business, I think.
"Well, you could probably figure out the answer to that one," I joke. "But it wasn't for me." I say. "I'm sorry, I've got to be going." They mutter as I walk through the gates but I shrug my shoulders—they can't follow me in here. I take a deep breath as

I make my way up the stairs of the house. I open the door and smell something good. At least I still have an appetite, but I really should call Annie. I don't know much about pregnancy or babies, even children.

"Hey." Peeta greets me as I walk through the door, and I smile at the sight of him, but I'm overcome by my feelings to keep the smile plastered to my face.

I walk towards him and I give him a look with tears lining my eyes. He pulls me into a hug and I embrace him warmly. I bury my head in his shoulder and he rests his chin on my head.

"What's the matter, darling?" He asks, and I inhale deeply before letting out a sigh, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
"I have something to tell you." I sniff as I pull away. He looks at me concerned and I avoid eye contact.
"Why are you crying? Did Johanna say something?" He sets his wooden spoon down on the countertop and leans against the counter. The flour from his apron falls onto the ground but he gives me his full attention.

"No, it's not her. It's about me." I watch his body tense up, he usually does this when he's worried.
"Tell me what's wrong, darling." He says searching my face for answers.
"I'm pregnant." I say and a few tears stream down my face. He freezes and there's a silence between us. I wait for him to say something, but his words don't come for a long time.
"You're pregnant?" He asks while looking at me. I nod my head and he turns away to check on the thing he's baking. I look at him confused and he sighs while picking his spoon back up. "There's multiple options for you to proceed with, and I'll support you through any of them. I'm sure there's tons of doctors out there."

This makes me consider my options. I've been the cause of so many peoples deaths, I don't need to be responsible for another. I pause and look at the floor.

"I'm keeping it, Peeta." He drops his spoon and I see him freeze. After a second, he picks up the utensil and throws it in the sink. "Are you mad or something?" I ask puzzled.
"Just didn't expect to hear that coming out of your mouth." He remarks quietly.
"Well, I am—I have to." I mention. He glances at me but starts to look at the ground.
"If you don't want this then nobody can make you, it's your body. But if you're doing this for other people then I think you shouldn't go through with it." His gaze softens when my face quivers and he walks towards me. He wraps his arms around me and sighs. "I just want you to be happy."
"I'm just scared, I wasn't expecting it." I say quietly. He nods his head and we stay there for a bit.

"How long have you known?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders and look up at him.
"I found out today." I say. He continues the circles on my back and I lean into him.

Katniss, you're going to have responsibilities now, I hear my mom ring in my ear.

I can't run off anymore. I have to be here.
Peeta tells me it's alright and I calm down.
It'll be fine, right?