The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Convincing.

*Katniss's POV*
I braided my hair today, put my father's hunting jacket on, rolled the pearl Peeta gave me in between my fingers, yet none of that made me feel content. None of it made me feel like my old self. My old strong, courageous, daring self. I feel weak, as if I were to go outside I'd be knocked down by the wind. I feel frail and purposeless.
I shutter at the feeling of his touch. His arms are warm and welcoming yet I feel like I don't deserve to be embraced in them. I don't deserve anything in all honesty. Nothing I've received should've been mine, because I've taken it for granted every single day.

"Are you okay?" He asks while sitting beside me. I shrug my shoulders while staring out the door.
"I'm fine right now," I sigh while staring at the rain. It falls so elegantly, the small teardrops landing on the pathway.
"Why won't you tell me about what's upsetting you?" He asks while brushing a strand of hair off my face. I turn my head towards him while looking into his blue eyes. His hair has become outgrown, his blonde curls falling slightly into his eyes.
"I feel like if I let it all out I won't be able to piece myself back together." His hand falls to my cheek, gently circling the apple of my cheek.
"You can tell me anything, darling. I'll listen to anything you feel comfortable saying."

His voice is so persuasive. It seems as if I could be free to tell him anything and everything with no repercussions. He's like a safety net, always being ready to catch me whenever I may fall. But it's hard to trust that net, because what if it breaks from being used too much? What if the ropes snap because they're too tired and worn out?

"I want to be dead sometimes, but other times it is no more than a thought in the back of my head. On bad days, I feel it the most. It's there, prominently waiting for the right time to attack." I let out a soft sigh as my eyes cast to the floor. "I just don't know what to do, Peeta."
"Is there anything you believe to be worth living for?" He asks quietly.
"I guess," I remark. "But you're mostly the only reason I'm here."

It's true. If he hadn't of saved me, I never would've been here. I was determined to end it, and in true honesty I never saw a point in living. It should've been for the better, I should've ended up dead in the first games. Prim would still be alive and Finnick would be able to raise his child. I was ungrateful for the things that have came into my life now too. My kids, Haymitch, the memories of everyone I've lost along the way. I don't deserve a second chance.

"How can I help you?" His voice dips, as if he's trying so hardly to prevent a crack in his shield of emotions.
"I don't think you can," I remark. "There's no fixing me." It's true. There truly is nothing he can do.
"I don't want to fix you. You're perfect the way you are." He says and I can see the water lining the bottom of his eyes. "How can you not see that?"
"Peeta," I huff and it causes my chest to tighten. The feeling hurts, but it's not nearly as gravely as other times I've experienced some sort of injury.
"Katniss, please, just stay and I promise you I'll make life worth living. We can do whatever you want—" 
"Peeta, you're not listening." I stop him mid-sentence as he grabs my hand and squeezes it. "You make life extraordinary. It's more than I ever could've possibly wished for, but I'm still broken. I'm not happy."
"I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." He throws words out aimlessly. "I need you, Katniss. Please, just stay with me."

I know I shouldn't hesitate. He's always stayed with me no matter what. But just for a moment, I picture what it would be like it to say that I can't. I could never possibly do it, but if I did, would I feel guilty? Would I feel guilty about wanting to leave this world, even if it means he stays?

I lean into his shoulder while shielding my face by burying it in his warm body. My arm wraps around his neck and grips his shirt, and I slightly clench the fabric.
"Why won't you let me go?" I whisper to him, asking for some sort of answer that might lead to why he needs me. I've never brought anything but hardship to him. I don't deserve him. He skips work just to stay with me, he comforts me throughout my vivid nightmares in the middle of cold nights, and he never gets mad at me. He even hired someone to be at the bakery when he can't, just so that he doesn't have to leave me. I don't deserve any of it and I never will.
"If I let you go that means I'll have to live without you," he says quietly. "And I don't think I'd be able to do that."