The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Circles.

*Peeta's POV*

As I'm walking down the stairs, the phone on the wall begins ringing. I reluctantly move my body towards the phone, hesitating before grabbing it—not in the mood to hear Haymitch's slurred words or Johanna's angry rants.
I smile when I eventually pick up the phone to hear a sweet voice, instead of the ones I dread.

"Hello?" Annie asks through the phone.
"Hey, Annie." I greet her. "How are you?"
"I'm doing alright, but I just need to talk to you." She says, and I notice a hint of panic in her voice.
"Anything." I reassure her.
"Flynn started school a couple years ago." She says, and I begin to lean against the wall while listening to her ramble on. "These children were bullying him and telling him stories about me and his father, and none of them are true—"
"Annie, I'm sure he doesn't believe any of them." I state, interrupting her. "He's a smart child."
"He believes all of them, and we need to leave 4." She states. "We need to move closer to you all—he needs to be surrounded by good people."
"You're more than welcome to use my old victor's house. It's not in my use anymore, and we'd love to have you here." I say, adjusting the phone to my ear.
"Peeta, thank you." She says quietly. "How will I repay you?"
"Don't worry about it." I remark. "Call me once you're on your way here."
"I will. See you soon." She says, and I hang up the phone.

I sigh as I begin to walk towards the kitchen. I know how much pain Katniss is in, and I know she won't be able to stand the thought of more people coming to 12, when her people are gone.

As I turn the corner, I pause for a moment, watching as she frantically spins around the kitchen whilst putting away things. She stops for a moment and looks at me, stopping what she's doing to begin acting like she's fine.

"Who was that?" She asks, gesturing to the phone. I look down at the floor, avoiding her gaze. She calls my name again and I look up to find her with a worried look on her face, but I shrug it off.
"No one, just Annie." I say, and she eases back. "They want to move here. Flynn's having a rough time in school and I think she needs to get away before she—" I cut myself off before suggesting something about Annie.
"What'd you say?" She asks.
"I said she could move into my old victor's home." I say quietly.
"Why didn't you ask me first?" She says, crossing her arms. I shrug and I walk towards her.
"I thought you wouldn't mind." I admit. She doesn't reply, and then begins to clean off the island counter. "I'm sorry, Katniss."
"It's fine." She snaps, throwing the rag on the counter. I sigh and watch as she leaves through the door leading to the living room.

I know I'm in the wrong. I know I screwed up. But how can I sit still when she's confiding into me that she's struggling? How can I sit there and not help her?

_

*Katniss's POV*

I storm off into the living room and sit on the couch. I know I'm being dramatic, but it just feels like he's protecting me from every small thing, and he just doesn't understand I can handle stuff too. I'm not even mad that she's moving here, I'm upset at the fact he didn't even think to ask me.

"Everything okay, Mama?" Willow comes in and sits next to me. I change my face from a sulk to a smile, and I pull her closer to me.
"I'm fine, darling." She pauses, and I can tell she's thinking. "Something wrong?"
"I wasn't snooping, I swear." She starts, and I begin to laugh slightly. "But I was in Dad's art room and I found a book that had lots of people in it, and I just want an explanation."
"I haven't used that book in a while." I admit, and she crooks her head.
"Who are all of the people?" She asks.
"If you go get the book I'll show you." I smile softly. She nods and quietly tiptoes into the room. I hear her run out with it and plop next to me. She eagerly hands it to me and I flip the cover open.
"This is your Aunt Prim," I start. "She was my sister."
"She still is, Mama." I turn to look at her and she smiles. I give her a look, but I move my eyes back towards the book.
"This is Finnick. He's Flynn's father. Do you remember Flynn?" I ask.
"A little." She shrugs slightly, and I move on.

"This is Cinna. He was a good friend."
"Where are all of these other people, Mama?" I pause, and I close my eyes to prevent a stray tears. The feelings towards this book and these people are overwhelming. I struggle to sort through the feelings.
"They're the same as Aunt Prim." I say quietly. She carefully takes the book and examines the pages.
"Dad drew these, didn't he?" She asks with wide eyes.
"Of course. It was very sweet of him to do so." She looks at me then in the path of the kitchen.
"Mama, you love Dad, right?" I immediately answer, one of the questions I don't have to calculate.

"Yes, why would you think otherwise?"
"You always disagree though."
I smile sadly looking at her. "Would you like to know the reason we disagree?" She nods her head and I sigh. "Sometimes, Dad does things because he's kind and generous. But I don't have those qualities."
"I don't get it, what's wrong with that?" She asks confused.
"Nothing at all. I just get frustrated, but it doesn't mean anything." She sighs, and I can tell she isn't understanding. "You'll understand one day, it's nothing you need to worry about right now." She gives me a look and walks out of the room. I decide to pick up the book that I had forgotten about long before, and look through it.

Cinna.
Boggs.
Finnick.
Mags.
Wiress.
Rue.
Prim.

All of the people I killed. Ruined their lives. Their sweet, short lives.

It sends me into a spiral. I slam the book on the floor and run to a corner of the room. I pull my knees to my head and curl up, hoping nobody hears or sees me. I rock myself back and forth, letting the tears fall down my face like a river.

"Katniss?" I hear Peeta ask. Rye comes in the room and I hear him start to cry. I want to hug him so badly. I want to tell him it's alright, but I can't, because I need someone to hug me. I need someone to tell me that I'm okay. I need Peeta, but I'm sure he's still frustrated with me.

Suddenly, I feel his warm arms embrace me. "It's okay, Katniss." He whispers to me. I try to stop shaking, that's something I've stopped doing over the year and I want to keep it that way. He rubs my shoulder and I just cry into my knees. I miss all of them, every single one, so terribly. What I would give to have them down here. What I would do to swap places.

"I can't keep living like this." I let out in between tears.
"It's okay to struggle, it's different for everyone. You can make it through, we both know you can. You just have to try. Try for all of them, try for Prim and your mother; try for me." I sniff but keep my head down.
"I feel like I've let everyone down."
"You haven't let anybody down, not them and certainly not me." He remarks. I take a deep breath in, letting the book's memories sink in. At least he thinks I haven't let him down, but I know I have.
"I—" He picks up my chin and wipes away my tears.

"Stop," he says interrupting me. "Don't think about what could happen—think about what hasn't." I nod and I bury my face in his shoulder. He lifts the back end of my shirt and slides his hand up my back to trace circles. I focus on that—every time the circle goes around. Once. Twice. As many as it takes to calm down.

"Dad?" I hear Willow ask as her voice quivers. I feel Peeta lift his head and I feel her and Rye sit down next to me. I don't want them to see me like this, but I have no choice. I keep my head buried, eliminating contact with anything but Peeta. The circles continue, even though I know he has some of his attention towards them.
"Did I do this?" She asks in a quiet voice. Peeta shakes his head. It hurts me to hear that she blames herself for me being this upset.
"No, you didn't do anything, darling." He says. My heart skips a few beats and my chest rises faster.

"Focus on the circles, Katniss." He whispers down my neck. I hear him pause and turn to them. "Why don't you guys go color in the art room?" He suggests softly. I hear them drag their feet and close the door behind them.

"Are you alright?" He asks once they leave.
"I can't even handle pictures of them, how am I supposed bear this?" I ask.
"We'll do it together. You aren't alone." I take a deep breath and hold it. I exhale slowly and I wipe the tears off my cheeks.
"I just wanted them to have a normal childhood, one I didn't have."
"You're an amazing mother Katniss, you always have been. Crying doesn't make a difference. They'll always have eachother too." He says softly. I sigh and focus on the circles.
One, two, three, four, five.