The Blind One

Chapter 45

Monday morning came too quickly for me despite praying for any sort of bad weather that God could possibly produce so that I could miss the day of having to see him. After Charlotte dropped me off on that Saturday night I couldn't talk to anyone, neither could I let any of them know what was going on with me, so I played it off by saying my illness had  returned and worsened possibly due to too much partying and I felt like sleeping it off. I forced myself to get out of bed on Sunday, I never ever felt like I ever had to force myself out of bed just to attend church on Sunday's, but on this particular day I felt my body and mind drained. Nothing felt right, all I wanted to do was drown in my sorrows until it all goes away but I also couldn't let my family know what was bothering me.
The service was not only empowering and reminded me of what we should always remember in life which is God puts you on a certain path for a reason. I didn't know why he lifted me up and gave me an opportunity to look after my family by putting me close to Dalton, and I didn't understating why God also made me go through the confusion and pain of  having feelings for someone who will not be tamed.
I didn't understand the intentions what God was placing upon me. All I wanted to do was to cleanse myself an start all over. I remembered Dalton's words when he told me not to run away, and he was right, I was not going to turn away from my problems. I had to be realistic and understand that things weren't always as I would wish them to be, and for now I had to focus on work and the importance of the upcoming anniversary for the following week.

Sherry and I got to talk a lot more when returning home. The church was pretty close to our house so she was pushing ma's wheelchair whilst I walked next to them.

"When did they change the pastor?" Asked manager finally going to church. This was her first service back after so long, the more reason why I forced myself out of bed in the morning.

I shrugged, go be honest I hadn't noticed that pastor Mathew was replaced with a younger man.
"I'm not sure to be honest with you Ma"

"Wasn't that his son? Darrel" Ma spoke after tapping at her thoughts.

I realised that it indeed had been the same Darrel that I used to know when I was younger. His father was close to my father this making us even closer. It was only when I was old enough to understand that people can be cunning when he would point out things about my family when we were alone, cursing Ma and praising my father for what he did to her. I remember once I fought back and held my ground. My mother was not a type to cheat on her husband.
I couldn't prove this to him so instead i decided to fight back physically, hoping he would get the message.

"that was Darrel huh" I spoke up with the thought of how different he looked, he's always been on the chubby side like myself but he had done something about his weight, he'd grown out of it.

"We should invite him for dinner next Sunday" Ma chirped excitably.

I couldn't help but feel hesitant about the thought of seeing Darrel in front of me. Especially when the last thing I told him was that I never wanted to see him again, that along with other unheard of words that he as a pastors Spok probably didn't and shouldn't have heard.

I felt guilty about him but there was nothing I could do, an apology after not seeing him in years would probably open up the healing wounds.

"I don't know...I mean he's a pastor now, he's probably busy" I muttered catching Sherry's eye who didn't seem convinced.

Ma frowned and thought about it s little "I suppose you're right" she sighed

"Well I think dinner would be a great idea" sherry broke in "it'll be a good way for me to talk about my baptism"

Ma snapped her fingers and looked up at sherry who was slowly pushing the wheel chair "That's right! Oh this is perfect"

I glared at sherry who sent me a wink