The Girl With The Tattoo

3. guilt

Lexi

The door was already unlocked when I got home, so instead of knocking I just let myself in. I also like to be quiet when I walk into the house as I certainly wouldn't want to piss off my dad.

He says it attracts attention when I make loud noises. He hates the neighbours questioning what's happening in our house.

But he clearly doesn't mind it when the noise is coming from my brother Carl...

I tiptoe down the hallway in case dad is home. I know he was talking about going to see a friend but I can never be sure. But when I hear the sound of Carl's Xbox, I know for sure that dad isn't here.

I slowly open the door, before sneaking up on him.

"Boo!" I shout, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Holy shit! Lexi, what the fuck?!" He shouts, his headset now crashing to the floor.

I laugh, hysterically "I scared the shit out of you! I wish I'd caught that on my phone!"

He clearly doesn't find it amusing "Don't do that again, alright?"

I roll my eyes "Come on, it was just a bit of fun!"

He then sighs, his face showing sadness "I know. If I wasn't so jumpy I wouldn't have shouted at you..."

I can see that something's bothering him. Usually, we'd both me laughing and joking around together, but when Carl is in a bad mood I know that something is playing on his mind.

I obviously know what it is...

"H-has this got something to do with dad?" I ask him, hesitantly, not knowing how he'll react when I bring up our father.

He doesn't respond, which confirms that it definitely has something to do with him.

"He hasn't been in here with you, has he?" I ask him, my face showing how worried I am.

I feel relieved when he says "No. He hasn't. He didn't come home after work and I'm guessing he's staying at that prick John's house."

I roll my eyes "He's always staying there now! Is he like fucking John's wife or something?" I try to make a joke out of it.

"I don't know." Carl isn't responding to any of my jokes "I'm just glad he's not here. I like it when it's just the two of us."

I immediately smile "I like that too."

I suddenly realise that I'd almost forgotten about something that I'd brought home for the both of us. On my long walk home from that girl Sophie's house, I took a detour to a small corner shop and I bought us something to snack on.

"And you're in luck tonight." I tell him whilst rummaging into a bag that I'd brought in with me "I got us Candy!"

I throw him over a bag of Candy that I paid for at the shop. I had some money that I borrowed from my friend Grace and I used it to get a bag to share. I'll give most of it to Carl though because he's probably more hungrier than me.

"Where did you get the money to buy this?" He asks me instantly, clearly concerned.

I roll my eyes "No, I didn't do anything dodgy before you ask. I got it from Grace actually."

"She gave you it?" He asks me, clearly sensing that there's more to the story.

I smirk "I borrowed it."

He rolls his eyes "Yeah you stole it, didn't you?"

"So what if I did?!" I hit him playfully, and then I say "It got us free candy, didn't it?"

After I see a small smile appearing on his face, I jump onto the bed beside him, enthusiastically. I open up the bag of candy before splitting it into two for the both of us to share equally. Even though I'll give him mine, I like to pretend that that isn't my plan.

"These are yours." I point to Carl's pile, and then to mine "And these are mine, okay?"

He nods, before turning back to his Tv to watch whatever shit he watches on there.

And then that's when I see the bruises... I've seen them so many times before but every new bruise he gets doesn't fail to give me a knot in the pit of my stomach.

I know that he tries to hide them from me, he doesn't want me to see them, but they're practically covering his entire arm at this point.

I wish that was me and not him.

I rest my hand on his arm gently, my voice now shaky "When did you get these?"

He looks at his arm "Oh, those? I've had them for ages now. You know that, Lex."

I can tell that he's brushing it off, but I want answers "Those are new... You didn't have those yesterday."

He won't look at me, which is confirming that what I think must've happened is true. I get closer to him so that I can try to keep him calm as I talk to him about this.

"Did he do it to you today?" I ask him "Before, when I was at dance?"

He gulps, before admitting almost everything to me "It wasn't that bad this time, I promise! He was just pissed at me for a few things. He did go to John's house after that, I'm not lying to you!"

"Oh I believe you about John, but those bruises are terrible!" I express just how concerned I am about the state of his arms "Those aren't nothing."

I know that he likes to sugarcoat things. He doesn't want me to be sad about what happens to him and he often lies about how bad it gets. But I'm his sister, and although we don't get along all the time, I love him.

I make him look at me, and I say "You have to tell me when he does it to you! I'm your sister, I'm meant to be there for you! Please don't keep this from me, Carl!"

I guess he can see the tears in my eyes because he quickly tells me what I want to hear "Okay, I promise I'll tell you if it happens again."

If it happens again? He and I both know that it will happen again!

"Good." I smile, weakly, before brushing away a tear.

I decide to change the subject because I hate getting emotional "Okay, now can we watch a movie or something? I don't want to go back to my room right now."

He nods, before leaning over to grab the remote "Okay, sure."

He flicks through some movies that he's got on there, and in the meantime, I can't stop staring at his arm and wondering if I could've done something to stop it. But I was at dance, like almost every day, and even if I tried to stop it I couldn't.

I'm too weak.

I'm just a little girl that has no way of changing things around here.