The Girl With The Tattoo

37. harper

Sophie

I try to be brave but in reality I'm actually really scared right now. There's just something about seeing my mum in pain that terrifies me. But even though I'm scared, I made a promise to myself that I'd be there for her.

Everything seemed to move so quickly as soon as we'd settled into our room. Mum was hooked up to monitors to check on the baby and she was immediately offered an epidural. She refused pain relief though, wanting to do this without it.

The doctor came in to check on her and they'd told her that she could push.

"Alright, are you ready to do this?" my mum's doctor asks her.

She's barely able to reply, yet she says "Okay."

"Em, can you hold my hand?" I watch her ask mom.

Mom chooses to stay further back "I'm just gonna stay here."

"Oh, okay..." Mum looks disappointed by that.

Maybe mum is a little squeamish? I mean, I'm not exactly good with blood myself but I wouldn't let that stop me from comforting mum. And as she chooses to stay back, I can tell that it hurts mum. I can see the sadness on her face as she processes the fact that she'll have to do this without somebody by her side.

And then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I realise that it's one of the nurses.

"Do you want to step outside, sweetie?" She asks me, clearly worried about me seeing this "You don't have to stay.

I shake my head "No, I'm okay. I want to stay."

"Are you sure?" She asks me "You can leave at any time."

I smile to reassure her that I'm going to be okay "No, I'm fine."

"Okay, honey. Just let us know if you change your mind at any point."

Once she walks away from me, I turn my attention back to what's going on in the middle of the room. The doctor is now at the bottom of mum's bed, explaining how to push to her. I walk a little closer so that I don't miss anything.

"Okay, as soon as you feel a contraction I want you to push down as hard as you can." The doctor tells mum, and she nods to show that she understands "Grab the back of your knees to help you."

"Okay." Mum struggles to reply.

"Have you got one now?" He asks her.

She nods, and then he says "Okay, give it your all."

I watch as mum begins to push and she seems to get the hang of it pretty quickly. It's almost like she's done this before. I look over at mom and she looks deep in concentration, a nervous look on her face.

And because I don't want her to feel like she's alone, I move over to the side of mum's bed, grabbing onto her hand without hesitation.

She looks at me and I say "You've got this."

She smiles to show that she appreciates the support.

Mum continues to push, the baby getting closer to being here. The doctor gives words of encouragement to mum but I can tell that the pain is a lot for her. I feel her hand shaking against mine, sweat dripping down her head.

"It hurts so bad!" Mum squeezes my hand tighter as she expresses the pain that she's feeling.

"I know it does." The doctor tries to show mum that he understands "But keep going, she's nearly here."

And with a few more pushes, I instantly feel a sense of relief when I hear a loud cry. My sister enters the world, letting everyone know that she's here. She's then immediately laid against my mum's chest, screaming loudly.

"Oh my god, Em!" Mum says, looking over at my mom "She's perfect!"

I find myself crying and I can't help but notice that mom has tears in her eyes too. She steps back further, her hands behind her head as she paces back and forth. I've actually never seen her this emotional.

"S-Soph, look at her!" Mum says to me "Isn't she perfect!"

I nod, tears pouring down my face "Y-yeah! She is!"

"Congratulations!" The doctor smiles at us "You did amazing, Michelle!"

And then he looks at both mom and I, before saying "Have you decided who's going to cut the cord?"

I look over at mom and I can tell that she wants to do it. It is her baby after all and it's only right that she gets the chance. But I'm surprised when mum looks over at me, asking for me to do it.

"Soph, you should do it." She holds onto my hand.

I shake my head "No, I think mom should do it."

Mum clearly won't take no for an answer "No, she's your sister. And you can tell everyone that you were the one to cut your her cord."

I smile, giving in without making a fuss "Okay."

I'm handed a pair of scissors, the doctor now helping to guide me. I rest them in the middle of my sister's umbilical cord, before clamping down when I get it perfectly in the centre.

Mum smiles "That was so special."

And after mum delivers the placenta, we finally begin to talk as a family, the room not as crowded anymore as we're given space.

The first thing mom says to me is "She looks like you when you were born."

I giggle "Really?"

Mum admires my sister "Yeah, she has your eyes. I can't say the same for her hair though, I think we might have a brunette here."

"I can't believe that she has dark hair." Mom finally speaks for the first time since the birth "I've always been blonde."

"I know but you can tell that she's your baby, Em." Mum speaks to her "She came out screaming! I can already tell that she's going to be like you. She'll probably have the same attitude too!"

I giggle at mum's comments "Yeah, she's gonna be crazy!"

"Yeah, I have no doubts about that." Mum joins me in laughing.

And then there's a few moments of silence and I can tell that mum is thinking about something. And then she finally speaks again, looking over at mom who's busy staring at the floor, clearly still processing everything.

"Em." She gets my mom's attention "Do you want to hold her?"

Mum looks over and I can tell that she's hesitant "Hold her?"

Mum then says "Yeah, hold her. She wants to meet her mommy, don't you pretty girl?"

A little noise comes from my sister, making me giggle. Mom then stands up from where she was sitting, walking over to mum as she hands over the baby to her.

"There you go." Mum speaks softly "Go to your mommy."

I can instantly tell how much this means to my mom. She looks at my sister with love in her eyes, holding her tightly. A small smile appears on her face and I can't help but notice that she has tears in her eyes. And she gently rocks her, not taking her eyes off of her.

"Hi!" Mom speaks to my sister "It's so nice to finally meet you!"

Mum looks over at me, smiling at me as we both watch this beautiful interaction.

"You're so pretty." Mom says, looking at my sister with so much love.

And then she says "I love you so much, Harper."