The Girl With The Tattoo

15. dad

Lexi

As soon as I noticed my dad's car in the drive, my heart began to race. I was supposed to be home before him so that I could protect Carl. I shouldn't have let Isabella and Ava get into my head, it's my fault that I didn't make it home on time.

I open the front door that was already unlocked, before tip-toeing down the hallway towards Carl's bedroom. And as I hover my hand over the handle, I jump back as I watch as the door opens...

My dad looks down at me, his face showing that he's confused.

"What do you want?" He asks me, sternly.

I don't look at him in the eye because I'm actually really scared right now "Uhm- n- nothing. I was just coming to check if Carl was okay."

"He's fine." He tells me, emotionlessly "He's just going to bed, you don't have to worry about him."

And because I could never stop worrying about him, I ask him this "Well, could I see him? I just want to say goodnight, that's all."

He furrows his brows as I ask him this, almost like the answer should be obvious "No. He's already asleep, you can talk to him in the morning. And in the meantime, you should be going to bed, your uncle is coming over tomorrow."

He continues "And I don't want you looking tired when he's here. I want you up and dressed, no arguing, do you hear me?"

I nod, not wanting to argue with him because I wouldn't dare do that "Y-yes, I do."

"Now I want you to go and get changed for bed. I got you a new pair of pyjamas." he tells me, like it's the kindest thing in the world to him.

I nod, smiling weakly to try and convince him that I appreciate him doing something like that for me. And then I turn away from him, walking down the hallway as I process the fact that he's not leaving Carl's room...

Carl won't be asleep; he's probably terrified. He needs me but I'm too scared to stand up to my dad because I don't want to get hurt myself. If only I could stand up for my brother.

So instead of helping him, I get changed into the pair of black pyjamas that he'd left for me, before jumping into my bed.

I stare at the wall for a while, wondering what's going on in the room beside mine. I can't hear much though. There's no screaming or crying like they'd usually be. Maybe Carl really is sleeping?

But then I'm startled as my bedroom door opens and he's standing in the doorway...

"D-dad?" I question him, wondering why he's here.

"Are they comfortable?" He asks me, and I'm not sure what he means by that "The pyjamas I got you, are they comfortable?"

"Oh, y-yeah. Yeah, they are." I smile at him.

"Good." He says to me, a smile on his face too "I thought you'd look really pretty in them. I saw them when I was out shopping with your uncle Ricky the other day and I knew they'd look good on my Lex."

But before he can continue rambling on about a shitty pair of pyjamas he'd happened to have come across, I watch as he reaches into his pocket. He spends a few seconds trying to find something before pulling it out of there.

"Oh, I almost forgot." He tells me, now resting something on the table beside my bed.

He tells me what's on there "A packet of cigs and twenty dollars. Go get yourself something nice with that money. Go get yourself a pretty dress and impress some guy you like."

Jesus, he still thinks I'm straight.

And because I'm not responding to his gifts, he says this to me "So what do you say?"

I quickly realise that he wants me to thank him for what he's given me, so I say "Thanks, dad."

But I don't really care about his attempt to gain my trust with gifts as I can't stop thinking about my brother. I'm sure his gift wasn't as pleasant as mine.

Carl's dad has never been in his life. I don't know what happened but instead of having someone that might've actually loved him, he ended up with my dad instead.

But he never treated us the same though. It became apparent that his relationship with Carl wasn't healthy. It started with a few hits here and there and then things just started to spiral out of control.

And dad refuses to get a girlfriend because he's more focused on his control over Carl.

"How are things at dance then?" He asks me about my life, not that he probably cares "Have you been doing good? You always seem to be at practice now, I hardly ever see you anymore."

"Yeah, I'm doing good. My dance instructor says that I'm one of the best. He even thinks that I'm good enough to have the main part this year." I lie.

His eyes widen "Oh, wow! That's amazing! But I wouldn't expect anything less from you, you always have been my star."

And then he seems to be getting a little carried away as I feel his hand on the side of my head and he begins to stroke my hair.

He looks me in the eye and he says to me "Dad will always love you, Alexa. You'll always be my little girl no matter what. You know that, don't you?"

Because I want him to leave as soon as possible, I go along with this "Yeah I know, dad"

And I see this as the perfect opportunity to ask him about my brother. Because even though I can't see him right now, I want to know if he's okay, so I decide to ask him "What about Carl?"

And I watch as his face drops, and his mood shifts "Carl's fine. I told you that already."

"Y-yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure, that's all." I try to convince him that I wasn't trying to get information from him.

"And I told you that he was fine." He repeats, and I now know not to ask him any more questions because he's bound to blow "Now you should stop worrying about him, you need to go to sleep."

"You're right." I say to him because I don't want to cause an argument between the two of us right now.

And he looks into my eyes, deeply, as he says "Dad's always right. Aren't I, Alexa?"

I nod "Yeah."

He puts on a smile again, and I watch as he walks away from me. But instead of leaving straight away, he turns his body so that I'm in his view once again. And I'm breathing heavily because I feel so on edge right now.

"Goodnight, my beautiful girl." He says to me, smiling at me.

"Goodnight, dad." I reply with, continuing on the act that I actually like sharing a house with him.

And when he finally leaves, I feel a sense of relief.

I know that he'd probably never hurt me. He tells me how much he loves me and he's never shown any sign of violence towards me. I wish Carl was as lucky as I am. Sometimes I wish that we could swap places.