The Girl With The Tattoo

33. welcome home

Sophie

"Mum!" I shout, excited to see her as I walk through the door.

I wrap my arms around her, making sure not to hug her too tightly because I don't want to hurt the baby. She squeezes me, clearly happy to see me too. We've always been so close and it's sometimes weird to be apart.

"Welcome home, Soph!" She says to me as she lets go of me "How was your trip?"

I rest my suitcase against the wall behind me as I say "It was good! I can't wait to tell you all about it! Mum, it was amazing! There were so many amazing dancers there and the stage was just huge! Plus, our instructor told me that I have really good technique and that I'm beautiful to watch!"

"Wow! Oh my god, that's amazing!" She seems happy for me "Of course my daughter would be noticed for her talent."

"You definitely get it from me. I was a really good dancer, wasn't I, Em?" Mum brings my mom into the conversation.

I now realise that she wasn't really taking notice of what was going on. Yet again, she's glued to her phone, probably scrolling through her work emails or something. I'd expected her to be filled with questions about my trip but I can't help but notice that she seems annoyed.

"Yeah, you were good." Mom smiles but I can tell that it's fake.

"Lexi won the scholarship." I decide to get it over with and tell mom that I didn't win.

"I know." She raises her eyebrows, not seeming too happy about it.

"I tried my hardest though, I promise." I say to her, not wanting her to think that I was slacking off "There were just so many amazing dancers and Lexi was better than m-."

She cuts me off "She was better than you? You're the best dancer at your studio and you let some nobody take the scholarship away from you?"

I lower my head, apologising to her "I'm sorry."

I continue "I didn't want to let you down, mom. I tried my hardest, I really did! I don't know how she won it over me."

Mum steps in, clearly sensing the tension in the room "Look, it really doesn't matter who won and who didn't! Dance is supposed to be fun! It's not always about winning! I think your mom just needs some time to cool down."

And then mom announces "You're right, I'm going outside for a smoke."

I raise my eyebrows, shocked by the way that mom is acting. I know that me winning meant a lot to her and I know that I let her down. I just don't want her to hate me just because I didn't win some scholarship. I mean, there are plenty of other opportunities out there for me and it just clearly wasn't my time.

After mom has left the room to have a cigarette in the backyard, I begin to feel ashamed of myself. I really didn't want to let her down.

Mum can clearly see that I'm upset "Hey, it's okay! Did you know that when I was a dancer I lost almost all of my competitions?"

I shake my head "No, I didn't know that. You told me that you always won first place."

"Well, I lied." She admits to me "I only told you that because I was a little embarrassed about it."

She continues "What I'm trying to say is that just because you didn't win it doesn't make you a bad dancer. It only makes you stronger because you get this fire inside of you to do better the next time."

"You're not mad at me for not winning?" I ask her.

I feel her hand underneath my chin, making me lift my head "Of course I'm not. Your mom just takes time to process things. I'm sure she's not mad at you either."

"She seems pretty mad." I tell her, not believing that she's not mad at all.

"Well, that's just your mom." Mom says "She's always like that."

I really wish that mom could be happy for me. Even when I do win, she never seems happy with that either. It's like I'm never good enough for her and I don't know why she always gives me a hard time. I sometimes think that she hates me.

"Anyway, how were things here whilst I was gone?" I ask her, curious to know if her and mom have been working things out "Did you get a chance to talk to mom?"

Mum nods slowly "Yeah, we actually spent time together. She said that she's gonna take some time off of work when the baby is here."

I smile, happy to hear that "No way! Really?! I didn't think she'd ever take time off of work!"

"Yeah, me neither but we both agreed that it's for the best so that she can help out with the baby and we can still have enough time for you." Mum tells me, and I'm grateful that they're both still thinking about me.

"You do have your school graduation soon." Mum reminds me.

I'm so nervous. I'll be officially leaving school next month and I have so many exams that I need to prepare for. But when I'm done with school, I'll be off to college and there will be so many amazing opportunities out there for me. I think I might even join the soccer team there!

I've never been really good at sports but I heard that it's good to branch out at college. Plus, being part of an extracurricular looks really good when applying for jobs!

"Don't remind me. I'm so nervous!" I tell mum.

"Don't be." She rests a hand on my shoulder "You're going to do great! You've been working so hard this year."

"I'm so proud of you." She says to me, smiling at me which shows that she means it.

"Thanks, mum." I thank her.

It means a lot that mum is so supportive of me. From a young age, she always made sure that I was succeeding. She'd spend hours with me on the weekend to make sure that my homework was perfect so that I could get the best scores. She'd also go to every one of my presentations, making sure that as I was as prepared as I could be beforehand.

All of a sudden, the back door opens again, mom walking back into the room smelling of cigarettes. I cover my nose because I hate the smell of her after she smokes.

And then mum asks "Hey, why don't we all crash on the couch and watch a movie? Like old times!"

Mom looks over, furrowing her brows before saying "Ugh, sure. I've just got to send this email and then I'll be done."

A smile appears on mum's face as mom agrees to actually take time away from her work and to be with her family for one night "Great! Sophie can pick what we're watching!"

I run over to the couch, throwing my body onto it as I shout "Yes! We're so watching a horror!"

Mom looks over, raising her eyebrows at me.

"What?! I'm a big girl now!" I smile, trying to convince her to let me choose what movie I want to watch.