The Girl With The Tattoo

5. sweet dreams

Sophie

I start walking home with Lexi, the same as yesterday, but this time I feel more comfortable. I now know that she's not going to kill me so I'm not as concerned about walking deep into a forest with her.

But she usually has a lot to say yet today she's strangely quiet. It's weird because earlier on she was all for walking home with me. Maybe she's regretting even asking me.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask her, wanting to talk about something because I hate the silence.

She snaps out of whatever trance she was in "Oh, nothing..."

"Nothing?" I ask her knowing that she's lying to me "Come on, you're never this quiet! Did something happen?"

Lexi sighs before saying "Well, actually yeah! So everything was perfectly fine until I caught my two friends with my ex! I don't mind them talking to her, it's just the way they were being so secretive!"

She continues "Abby I get, she's a freak, but Grace is supposed to be my friend yet she goes and does this to me?!"

I have no idea what Lexi is talking about right now. I don't have a lot of friends so I'm not used to all the drama and arguing that happens. I did hear about Lexi's ex tho! Apparently, she cheated on her with an older guy. The whole studio was talking about it at one point.

"Oh..." I say because I don't actually know what to say.

She sighs again but a little more dramatic "Ever since I caught them fucking at her place that day, I told myself I would never even look at her again! Grace was there for me the day it happened, she got me ice cream to make me feel better, and she promised that she'd always be on my side."

"Fuck, I really wish I knew what was going on!" She expresses.

"Maybe they're friends with her now?" I suggest whilst hoping that I didn't say the wrong thing.

She shakes her head "No, they wouldn't be friends with her. This is something else."

She gasps "You know, I bet they're getting weed from her! Oh my god, that has to be it! Abby is such a stoner she'd probably do anything to get a fix, even going as far as to talk to Isabella of all people!"

I furrow my brows in confusion. I'm realising that Lexi and I are so different. She's concerned about her friends, her ex and cigarettes whereas the only excitement I get is from watching a new episode of Gossip Girl.

"Is Isabella your ex?" I ask her, a little curious.

"Yeah, and I wish that I'd never dated her." She admits to me "She wasn't even a good girlfriend anyway! She lied like all the time, she tried keeping us a secret, and then she went and cheats on me with some guy even though she told me that she was gay!"

"Oh..." I try to process everything that she's saying.

"Being a lesbian is hard." She expresses "People say it's easier but girls are bitches! And it hurts so much worse when they fuck you over."

All of a sudden, unexpectedly, she switches the focus onto me "Anyway, you got a boyfriend?" She asks me, raising her eyebrows.

The truth is that I've never had a boyfriend or even been in a relationship before. I'm only fifteen and I've always been so focused on school and dance. Also, no one has ever shown an interest in me anyway.

I've started to believe that maybe I'm just not pretty enough for anyone to want me... I'm shy, which probably comes across as rude, and I don't join in with others when they're drinking and causing problems.

I shake my head slightly "No."

"Are you into girls?" She asks me and the question instantly makes my heart race.

"Uhm-I- I haven't thought about that." I lie to her even though I certainly have.

I've grown up my entire life with two moms, I know that they'd be supportive of me no matter what, but I'm always scared to talk to them about things such as my sexuality. I still don't know if I'm attracted to girls but I have this gut feeling that maybe I am...

"Come on!" She raises her voice a little, a slight excitement in her tone "You have to have thought about it! I'm sure every girl questions if they're gay at some point, right?"

I shrug "I guess, but I just don't know."

"I mean, I'm a lesbian." she openly admits to me although she's made it obvious already "If you couldn't already tell."

"I knew since I was seven years old, can you believe that?!" She giggles to herself slightly and I can that she's proud of who she is.

We cross the road that takes us to the outside of my house. I seem to have lost track of time whilst talking to her and now we've finished walking which means that we're about to go our separate ways. I just don't know why I feel sad about that...

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask her, knowing that she's leaving me for the night.

She looks behind me at my house before saying "Yeah. Same time?"

I nod, an obvious smile on my face "Of course."

I give her a quick smile as I attempt to turn to walk towards my front door, but I stop when I feel a hand on my arm pulling me back slightly.

I turn my head, confused, and then I hear her say to me "Actually Sophie, before you go I just want to say that if you ever need to talk about anything then I'm here for you..."

I don't know what she means by that, but I smile to show her that I appreciate how kind she's being to me "T- thanks."

I look down at her hand that's still gripping my arm and I can't help but shiver. For some reason, I like being held by her. It makes me feel something that I've never really felt before. It's a warm feeling and I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

I realise that I don't want her to let go of me but in the end she does "Okay, I'll let you go now."

I blush "Okay, goodbye."

She smiles back at me "Sweet dreams, Sophie."