The Girl With The Tattoo

44. lost in the darkness

Lexi

Dad is going to kill me if he finds out that I snuck out. At first, I thought that I wasn't going to do it but as time passed I just couldn't help myself. Grace invited me to a little get-together in the woods and I couldn't say no to that.

Now I'm high as a kite from the weed that I've been smoking with my friends. I have to admit that it feels good to just let go for one night and to get away from my life at home and my relationship with Sophie.

I care about her but sometimes I just need some time out.

"This is good shit!" Grace says what everyone else is thinking.

"Yeah, better than the stuff you get us, Lew." I say to Lewis, talking about the little gifts that he gives us now and again.

"You don't want them anymore then, Lex?" He jokes around with me.

"Oh, I do. I'm just saying, this stuff is wild!" I express just how much I'm enjoying the weed that's been given to us tonight.

I decide to test out the echo in this place, shouting a loud "Wooooooooo!"

"Jesus, shut the fuck up, Lexi!" Lewis throws an empty soda can at me to silence me.

"Hey, fucker! Don't do that again!" I show that I'm annoyed at him for doing that.

And then I hear Grace asking me a question which I find myself acting a little more serious because of it "So, what's the deal with you and Isabella, huh? Are you getting back together with her or something?"

"No, fuck no!" I express just how disgusted I am at the thought of Isabella and I being a couple again.

"It's just that I saw the both of you talking the other day and I thought that it seemed a little cosy." She tells me.

"Fuck off! There's no way that I'm getting back with that bitch! Plus, I have a girlfriend! But I already told you that already so I guess that you developed dementia at some point this year!" I joke around with her.

"Who's your girlfriend?" Lewis asks me.

Grace interrupts me before I can answer him "Sophie Baldesarra."

And then she says "Wait, is that the girl that you were eating out in the locker room?"

I roll my eyes at how high she is right now "No, that was Casey Carter and that was two whole years ago! See, I fucking told you that you have dementia!"

"Hey, I don't!" Grace nudges me, pouting at me.

"Girl, you do." I joke, taking a sip from my vodka.

And just before I'm handed over the bong once again, I notice a few of Carl's friends sitting across from us. I know that he used to come here to hang out with them so I wonder if they've heard from him. I've never really talked to Carl's friends before but I'll do anything to find out if he's okay.

So I stand up, Grace furrowing her brows "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." I lie to her "I'll be back in five, okay."

So then I walk directly over there without even hesitating. I stand in front of two guys who look to be around Carl's age, both of them clearly just as high as I am.

I speak to get their attention "Hey, you're Carl Donovan's friends, right?"

The guy on the right replies "Yeah, what's up, sweetheart?"

I decide to tell them what's going on "It's just that I haven't heard from him in a while and he hasn't come home. You and I both know that it's not like him to do that. I was just wondering if you'd seen him at all."

They both look at each other and I can tell that they're trying to think. I stand impatiently, desperately wanting to know whether they've seen my brother.

Then I watch as the guy on the left says "Nah, he's not been around here recently."

"You haven't seen him at all?" I ask them, not wanting to believe that Carl hadn't been in contact with his friends "Come on, he has to have come here! He's always here!"

He then shakes his head "He's not been here. I would've known if I'd seen him."

And then the other guy says "Same. It's not like him to disappear."

I bring my hands up to my head as I begin to pace back and forth. I look around, trying to scan over everyone to try to find my brother. I breathe heavily as I become even more panicked as I'm now aware of the fact that my brother hasn't even been in contact with his friends recently.

Something must've happened to him!

"If we do see him though then we'll tell you." I hear one of them say to me.

"Okay. Th- thank you." I thank them as I begin to walk away from them.

I walk back over to Grace and Lewis and I can tell that they're worried about me. I obviously haven't been acting like myself recently and they're probably wondering what's going on.

"What the hell was that about?" Grace asks me as I take a seat with them once again.

"It's nothing." I lie.

"Why the hell are you talking to those guys?" She asks me.

I rest my head in my hands as I try to calm down "It's about Carl."

"You still haven't heard from him?" She asks me.

I shake my head, trying my best not to get upset "No. They're his fucking friends and they haven't even seen him either! You know that Carl can't go a week without smoking something!"

"Maybe he's just taking some time out." She suggests.

"Where?!" I raise my voice, looking at her like she's crazy for suggesting that "He's got nowhere to go!"

She shrugs "I don't know, I'm just trying to be positive. I'm sure he's fine."

"Yeah, he better be." I shake my leg because of my nerves.

And then I hear her say this to me "You know, I think that you should probably head home. It's not good for you to be here right now."

But because I'm so mad right now, I raise my voice at her "Don't fucking tell me what to do!"

I stand up from where I was sitting, walking a few steps before kicking a can with a lot of force. I begin to pace back and forth once again and I can tell that both Lewis and Grace are worried about me. I know that I'm acting crazy but I just can't stand the thought of my brother being in danger.

I then hear Lewis whispering "Jesus, she's losing her mind."

I grab my bag so that I can get away from here.

"Where are you going?" Grace asks me, clearly worried.

"Somewhere else. The both of you can go and fuck yourselves!" I shout out of anger.

"Lexi, wait!" I hear the sound of Grace's voice as I walk away from them.

"Don't fucking follow me!" I shout.

I don't turn back as I just want to be alone right now. I don't even know where I'm going but I just know that I need to get as far away from this place as possible. Being around people that don't understand how I'm feeling is irritating. Because no one will ever understand the love I have for my brother.