The Girl With The Tattoo

61. bad day

Lexi

Walking into the bathroom, I feel the first taste of warmth that I've felt in days. It's still so grimy in here too but at least the wind isn't burning my eyes. And after realising that I smelled disgusting, I decided to freshen up.

Although it's a public bathroom, I have my way of getting clean. A bar of soap that cost me a dollar is what I usually use despite how ashamed I feel.

But when I feel the intense urge to pee, I decide to use the toilet first because I certainly can't afford to piss my pants right now. I've only done that once in my life and I definitely won't be doing that again.

"Excuse me." I say to a woman that's in my way.

I pull down my dirty, grey sweatpants when I enter the cubicle, feeling an instant relief when I pee for the first time today.

Fuck, that feels amazing.

I grab a paper towel, wiping myself with it. But I instantly jolt when the colour red catches my eye... It takes me a second to realise what it is as my brain instantly tries to convince me that I'm dying.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I mutter to myself "Right now?"

"I really don't get a break, do I?" I roll my eyes.

Realising that I don't have any tampons with me, I decide that the best thing to do is stuff my underwear with paper towels– it's a trick that I learned whenever I was too embarrassed to talk to my dad about my period.

I then pull up my sweatpants, leaving the cubicle and then searching for someone to bother.

I find the perfect candidate.

"Excuse me." I walk directly up to a blonde girl to my left "Sorry to bother you but do you have any tampons on you?"

She scans my body, a look of disgust on her face.

Yeah, I get it, I'm gross!

"Sorry, no." She says, not helping me at all with my little problem.

But before I can apologise for bothering her, she continues speaking "But, maybe you could try the Walmart just across the street from here."

Did this bitch just suggest that I could afford something from there?

I scoff "Really?! Girl, look at me! I haven't showered in five days, I haven't eaten in two, and you think that I can afford a ten-dollar pack of tampons! You really don't want to piss me off right now!"

She furrows her brows "Sorry, I was just suggesting. I don't know what else to say."

"Well, don't say anything!" I take out all of my anger out on her "Just- just fuck off!"

"Jesus." She walks straight past me, probably thinking that I'm mentally insane.

I grip onto the sink in front of me, desperately trying to calm myself down. I look at myself in the mirror, breathing heavily as I take in the way that I look right now. If Sophie were to see me like this then she probably wouldn't even recognise me. I sometimes wonder if she'd even care if she knew about my situation.

I then grab my phone, anger coursing through my veins as I rush out of the bathroom. I immediately call Carl although he would never pick up the phone.

"Hey, fucker!" I leave a voicemail "It's your birthday and you don't even reply to my messages?! Really, Carl?! I sent you a fucking emoji of a cake and you didn't even reply! God, if I saw you right now I wouldn't even hesitate, I'd kill you with my bare hands. Anyway, have a shit birthday you motherfucker. Hope you rot in hell because that's the only place you're going."

I slump down against the wall, my head resting in the palms of my hands as I'm soaked by my own blood.

And then I hear "Would you like some change?"

I lift my head "Would you fuck off?!"

The woman in front of me doesn't reply but walks away instead. I instantly regret not taking the change from her but my emotions just got the best of me.

I'm a fucking wreck right now.