The Girl With The Tattoo

55. an outsider

Sophie

I decide to join Addison and her friends for lunch as I didn't want to eat alone. I figured that I would be a target for bullies if I were to be sitting by myself in the cafeteria. So instead, I decided to take her up on her offer and to join her and her friends.

Addison throws a piece of her bread over at one of the boys "Got you!"

"Cut it out, Addi!" He shouts.

"Fucking got you!" She laughs at him.

I giggle to myself as I try to understand their humour.

All of a sudden, Addison looks over at me and she brings attention to the fact that I'm here.

"Everyone, this is Sophie." She introduces me "She's new so be kind."

"Hey, Sophie." The boy to my right says, giving me a quick smile.

"Hi." I smile back at him.

Addison raises her eyebrows at me as he says hello to me. I can tell that she's wanting me to start talking to some of the guys here but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Plus, I don't even know if I like anyone here. I mean, I still haven't gotten over Lexi.

"So, did you all start here last year?" I ask them, trying to seem like I'm interested.

"Yeah, most of us." Another girl says "A few of the girls started the year before though."

"That's cool."

"You're not thinking about making friends with kids from your year?" She then asks me, making me feel a little awkward.

I shrug "I don't know. I kind of expected to just be on my own."

"Well, that's no fun!" Another boy says "You can't go through college without making friends! Where's the fun in that?!"

"Shut up, Cory!" Addison raises her voice "Don't be a dick! Not all people try to stand out like you do!"

I start to feel a little uncomfortable as I realise that they're all so different to my old friends. I grew up with Hailey and we've always been so alike. Now I'm beginning to feel like I might not fit in here. It's just that I'm more reserved than the people around me right now.

"Tyler, this is Sophie." I hear Addison saying, talking to the boy to my right.

"She's a really nice girl. Maybe you'd like to get to know her a little better? What do you think, Ty?" She asks him, making my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Uhm- I mean, yeah." He nods "If that's what you want, Sophie."

I don't know what to say right now as she puts me on the spot. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship right now. Plus, I've only just met him so it feels weird that I would even think about dating him.

"I guess..." I muster up a fake smile so that I don't seem rude.

"Well, that's great then! I'm sure the both of you will have a lot in common. Tyler plays soccer, he's a straight-A student, and he's actually one of the only guys that aren't cunts around here."

"Hey! What the fuck, Addison?!" Cory furrows his brows at her.

"You heard me." She laughs.

"So, why don't the both of you go somewhere where you can talk a little more privately?" She suggests, making me feel even more uncomfortable about this situation.

I decide to make up an excuse "I actually have a class soon. It's my first day so I don't want to be late. Plus, I still have to find where I'm going."

"Well, I'm sure you can talk some other time. Like I said, we meet here every lunch."

I nod "Yeah, I'm sure we can sort something."

I turn my head slightly and I look at Tyler. I take in his appearance as I try to figure out whether I'm actually physically attracted to him or not. He has curly, brunette hair and a semi-muscular body. I mean, he is pretty attractive but I don't know anything about his personality.

Because personality is key for me! If we don't get along then my attraction is instantly lost.

"Anyway, Tyler, what do you think of Sophie?" She asks him "Nice girl, right?"

I watch as he looks over me, smiling.

"Yeah, she's pretty."

"Fuck yeah she is!" Addison says, also complimenting me.

"Jesus, if I was gay I would!" She jokes, taking a sip from her bottle.

I'm beginning to think that there's not just water in there...

"You would anyway, Addison." Cory then says.

"Fuck you, I have a boyfriend!" She hits him on the arm playfully.

"And yet you just said that you would fuck the new girl!" He laughs.

All of a sudden, I hear the sound of the bell going off which means that my next class is starting. Honestly, I just can't wait until the day is over. I don't know why but I thought that college would've been better than this. I just keep thinking about Hailey and I can't help but miss her.

"Shit, I gotta go!" Addison says, standing up "I've got Maths and you all know that I failed last year."

"Yeah, it's because you always skipped to fuck Ryan in the janitor's closet." Cory says, my eyes widening as he says that.

"Can you blame me?! Math is boring and Ryan's dick isn't!"

"Fucking gross!" Cory holds his hand up to his mouth as he pretends to vomit.

"Anyway, see you all later. I'm out!" Addison says as she begins to walk away from the group.

I then decide to walk off as I need to get to my next class. Thankfully, it's the last one of the day so that means that I can go home soon. I can't wait to see my mum. Honestly, I feel like I need to talk to her about how I'm feeling. I really don't know if this is what I want anymore.

I mean, I know that I want to do well so that I can have a good career but I just don't know if I'm going to fit in. It's just that nothing will ever compare to the friendship that I have with Hailey.

"Do you need help finding your class?" Addison asks me as I bump into her again.

I shake my head "Actually, I don't think I do."

"That's good!" She smiles "Looks like you're getting there! See, I told you that you would!"

And then I can tell that there's something on her mind as she seems to be deep in thought. She looks at the ground and I can tell that she's thinking of what she wants to say to me.

"Actually, could you meet me at my dorm tomorrow? I think I should probably explain some things to you."

"Uhm... yeah, sure." I say, appreciating that she's actually wanting to spend time with me.

"Thanks!" She smiles "Don't worry, I'll send over the location. I know that things are difficult to navigate around here."

And then she says "And good luck with the rest of the day. You're doing great!"

As I watch as she walks away from me, I start to feel like maybe things could actually work out for me. Mum says that I should give things time and that it'll all work out. I think that I should take my mum's advice.