The Girl With The Tattoo

60. runaway girl

Lexi

Not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I think about her eyes, her golden hair and those beautiful lips of hers. I also think about how happy she made me. Even when my world felt like it was coming to an end, I knew that I always had her. But now I don't... Actually, now I don't have anything.

I sit on the floor, looking out at all the strangers that pass by, every one of them seeming content with their lives. I shiver as the cold bites at my skin so I hide my body with my blanket.

I've been on the streets for around six months now. It was my choice to be out here. I had a place at a friend's house but I just felt like a burden. I could tell that it was causing a problem in her relationship and I didn't want to put any more stress on her.

Suddenly, I hear a voice coming from above me and I lift my head to see who it is.

"Rough day, huh?" A girl says to me.

I calm down when I realise that she's also in the same situation as I am.

"I guess you could say that." I reply with.

"Can I sit?" She asks me.

I nod "Y- yeah, sure."

We both sit in silence. It's not often that I talk to people now that I'm out here. Honestly, I'd rather be alone. I find it hard to trust people nowadays.

But I watch as she rummages through her pocket, before pulling out a packet of cigarettes.

She notices me glaring "Want one?"

I practically jump at the chance "Sure."

"There you go." She passes over a cigarette and her lighter.

"Thanks." I thank her, before beginning to light it up "It's been almost two weeks since I've had one of these. Withdrawals are a fucking nightmare!"

"I can imagine."

I exhale, breathing out the smoke as I take it all in.

"Nice?" She asks as she watches as I enjoy every single second of it.

"Best thing that's happened to me in a while."

Although I don't have a lot of money, I still prioritise cigarettes over things that I need more. Last week, I spent my only money on a pack even though I hadn't eaten in two days. I really should stop smoking but I don't have the strength to do it. Somehow, it brings me comfort out here.

Because of the silence that's crept up on us, I decide to ask her a question "So... what's your name?"

"Molly."

She then asks "And yours?"

"Rebecca." I lie, jokingly.

She can clearly sense that I'm lying "Fuck off, I know that's not your name."

I giggle "Yeah, it's Lexi..."

She takes a moment to look at me, before holding her hand out for me to shake it "Nice to meet you, Lexi."

Hesitantly, I take her hand. I allow myself to shake a total stranger's hand which is something that I don't normally do. I'm usually uncomfortable with strangers as I never really know who I can trust. I mean, I couldn't even trust the people that I did know!

"Why are you out here?" I ask her "On the streets, I mean."

"It's a long story." She tells me, not seeming too interested in telling me what actually happened "Let's just say that once you take drugs then you can never go back."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, I pretty much fucked up my life."

I apologise, trying to seem as though I understand what she's going through "I'm sorry."

"Anyway, what's your story?" She asks me "How did you end up out here? Because from what I can see, you're a smart girl, you don't look like the type of person to be living on the streets."

I look her in the eyes "It's a long, long story..."

I continue "My dad's an asshole, that's what happened. I basically ran away from home."

"Shit."

I think about what happened last year and how it all unfolded. Truthfully, I'm actually glad that I got myself out of that situation. I know my dad very well and I could see what was coming and I just knew that he was going to turn on me. But even though I'm better off out here, I still miss my brother.

"Yeah, but I'm better now." I tell her, trying to sound convincing.

"Better?" She furrows her brows "Out here on the streets?"

She continues "I can't think of anything worse than that."

"It's really not that bad."

She replies with "You've clearly not been out here long enough then. Trust me, I've been out here for four years and if I could go back home I would. At least at home I could actually fall asleep without feeling the cold on my skin. At least at home I could actually eat whatever I wanted."

"We're different then." I tell her "At least out here I know that my dad won't rape me while I'm sleeping in my own bed."

She rests her head on her hands, groaning "Shit, I'm sorry! Sometimes I forget that people had it worse. It was my own fault that I'm out here... If I just didn't start using then I would still have my family."

"What happened?" I decide to ask her for the whole story because I'm actually really curious to know.

She sighs "My mom couldn't take it anymore and she made me leave. She told me to find somewhere to stay but I didn't have anywhere to go... I tried to get her to get me some help or to let me come home but she didn't want to hear any of it."

"I'm so sorry." I try to show that I feel terrible for what happened to her.

"It's okay." She smiles "Sometimes things just happen."

"Yeah, I guess." I reply with.

But then she gets up off of the ground and she says "Right, I'm gonna head off but I'll see you around."

"You're going?" I ask her, feeling quite sad about it "Right now?"

"Yeah, there's actually some stuff that I need to do." She tells me.

"Oh."

"Like I said, I'll see you around." She smiles at me.

"Yeah, of course." I smile back to show that I'm okay with talking to her again.

"Goodbye, Lexi."

"G- goodbye." I wave slightly as she walks away from me.

Obviously, I don't have a lot of friends right now so it's really weird to have an actual conversation again. I do miss my friends back home. And even though she fucked me over, I actually miss Isabella. I miss her witty remarks and her messed-up jokes. I just miss my old life and how it used to be.

I do think about going home sometimes but I can't imagine seeing my dad again. I know that he'd let me go home though as I'm all that he has left. But I don't know if it would be a good idea as I'd have to face all the people that I left behind– I would have to face Sophie.

I don't even know what I would say to her if I saw her again. She'd probably end up hitting me and telling me how bad of a person I am. But I would deserve it though.

I would deserve all of it because I broke her heart.