The Girl With The Tattoo

32. promises

Lexi

Sophie and I are talking on my bed, spending the last night we have together before we head back home in the morning. It's going to be sad to leave this place. I feel like I could really have a life in a city where I could finally forget about my childhood.

"So did you enjoy the show today?" I ask Sophie, hoping that she had a good time despite my disappearing act.

"Yeah, it was great! I just kept looking at those dancers and imagining that it was me on that stage." She admits to me "I think I'd love to do it one day. Maybe if I get really good I could actually become a ballerina in the future."

"I'm sure you could." I smile at her.

"I'm so jealous that you're gonna be able to dance here in the summer!" She tells me, reminding me of my bad situation.

"Don't be." I say.

"I just really wish I could join you." Sophie says to me "Hey, maybe if mom travels here for work I could come and visit you! We could go shopping at the mall and then I could stay to watch you dance!"

Sophie begins to ramble on about making plans meanwhile I'm trying not to think about the fact that I'm going to have to turn down the opportunity that I was given. I'm sure another girl would be happy to take my place though. Plus, I didn't deserve it anyway.

"Uhm, yeah we can look into that sometime." I lie to her, smiling falsely.

"It's gonna be great!" Sophie smiles at me.

And then she decides to change the topic of our conversation onto what happened earlier "Anyway, you haven't told me where you went at the start of the show. You told me that you weren't gonna keep any secrets from me, remember?"

I nod "I know. Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you."

"What happened then?" She asks me, edging closer towards me as I begin to tell her the story.

"Okay, if I tell you then you have to promise not to tell a soul!" I look into Sophie's eyes to show her that I'm deadly serious about this "She told me not to tell anyone or she'd kill me!"

"I won't say anything, I promise." Sophie tells me and I know that she's telling the truth.

I lean in closer to her as I tell her what Isabella had told me earlier today "Okay so Isabella told me to meet her at the start of the show. I found her in the bathroom and she started getting all emotional on me. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she'd had an abortion and she was struggling to deal with it."

"An abortion?!" Sophie seems shocked by that "She's so young..."

"No, she's an actual slut who's been with like ten guys in the past two years!" I tell her "It was bound to happen."

"Still, that must be really hard for her to go through. I can't imagine what she must be feeling like right now. I know if it was me I'd be broken." She tells me, clearly having a different view of Isabella.

"Well, you wouldn't be opening your legs for any guy that shows you even the slightest amount of attention." I express just how different her and Isabella are "Maybe if she'd have actually kept her knickers on then she wouldn't have been in this situation."

"Maybe the condom broke or something." Sophie suggests.

"Nah, Isabella doesn't even know the meaning of using protection." I tell Sophie.

"Plus, the baby is probably better off dead than with her." I say, harshly "She's a seriously messed up person."

And then I decide to stop talking about this because I certainly don't want to be spending our last night together talking about Isabella "Anyway, just promise me that you won't tell anyone about this."

"I promise." Sophie looks deeply into my eyes as she says this to me.

"Good." I smile at her.

There's a few moments of silence and I can tell that Sophie is thinking about something. And the silence is broken as she says "Lex, are you not mad that I haven't went down on you yet?"

I furrow my brows "Why are you asking me that?"

She shrugs "I don't know it's just that I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's just that I'm scared that I won't know what to do or that I won't be good at it."

Of course I'm getting a little impatient whilst waiting for Sophie to be ready but I don't want to rush her. I've rushed into sex before with other girls and I always ended up disappointed. They were always too nervous and couldn't make me come and I was grumpy for the rest of the day.

"Soph, when you're ready we can do it. Seriously, there's no rush." I try to convince her to take as much time as she needs.

"Are you sure?" She asks me.

I nod "Yeah! Plus, I have my vibrator to get me off."

"Maybe you should get one yourself to help you relax sometimes." I suggest "You definitely need something, you're always on edge."

"Mom would never allow it." Sophie tells me "I can't even close my door to my room when I'm in there."

"That's rough! If I was you I'd be getting a new mom." I joke "I mean, my dad's a weirdo but he still lets me close my door. And I'm pretty sure he's heard me masturbating and he didn't even say a thing."

Sophie looks a little sad "I wish my mom would let me have some privacy. I can't even sleep with the door closed. It's not like I'm gonna sneak out during the night or something!"

"Oh, I sneak out all the time!" I admit to her, actually feeling quite proud of that "Once I snuck out to do weed with this guy from the skatepark. The weird thing is that I can't even remember his name or what we even talked about! I must've been so fucking high that night!"

"You're actually insane!" Sophie seems shocked at how normal that kind of stuff is to me.

"I might be but I do live life on the edge." I wink at her.

I pull myself towards the top of the bed where Sophie is sitting against. She leans forward so that I can pull her in closer to me. And after giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head, we slowly begin to lay down. It may be a small bed but I'm pretty sure the both of us could sleep here.

And I look at her deeply, admiring her beauty as I say this to her "You're so pretty."

She blushes "We should probably go to sleep."

And as we lay there for a while, my eyes begin to close. Sophie's body is pressed up against mine and all I can feel is a beautiful warmth coming from her. It's been so long since I've had someone to sleep next to.

I hate being alone in my room at home; I always feel terrified when I'm there. But right now I feel protected as Sophie's arm is wrapped around me, pulling me in closer to her. And I decide to leave one more kiss on her forehead before I begin to drift off into a deep sleep.