𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐁𝐄𝐃™

Aa 2

Prologue
•••

I coughed a little, taking another whiff of the cigarette that was slipped back between my dark lips.

My head laid low and my eyes drooped as they forced themselves to stay open, but solemnly closed. Whatever it was I just took was creeping up my system, and fast too.

Again, I took another whiff before resting my elbows on my knees and grasping my hair with my hand in disappointment.

It's been seven months. Seven months, but everything played in my mind like it was yesterday. I wanted to forget so bad, so fucking bad! But I couldn't.

"Is this bitch still in the bathroom again!?" A voice shouted, followed by the knob of the door jingling.

I rolled my eyes, flicking the ash of the bud and tossing the cigarette onto the ground. I never thought i'd be one to smoke, but I wasn't eating and it made me feel some sort of fulfillment.

I wasn't in Hemsborrow anymore. When I ran, I made sure to go as far as I could, and that happened to be the next city over.

I had my baby. She was premature, but the most precious little thing I've ever laid my eyes on. They were bright and glossy, moving around curiously.

We all thought she was stillborn. She never moved an ounce and didn't even cry like most babies did, but after fifteen minutes she let her cries fill the room.

That was my first time seeing my baby, but it was also my last time.

When the nurses came back for her, they were followed by two officers and a lawyer who visited me for the wrong reasons.

It was then, I learned that I had no custody of my baby. In fact, her real father was the one who had full rights and access to her.

When I saw him, I was shocked. He was one of the many guys I contacted when first becoming pregnant, but denied our child because he was under the impression that I was lying.. or that my baby belonged to somebody else.

It seems he's been keeping his eye on me this whole time, waiting to get a DNA test and once it came back positive, he initiated full custody.

According to the paperwork the officials gave me: I was an unfit mother who was an addict, had troubles with the law, and a bad history of abusive partners.

I was in labor for twenty-six hours just to see my baby for fifteen minutes. The crazy part is, I never got to name her.

My head fell and I immediately dragged it back, feeling the dizziness take control. I was still sitting on the toilet lid, trying to stay still but my leg rumbled. This would mark my fourth hour being in the bathroom.

The only thing I would ever bring with me was a cigarette and Asa's bible. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't angry when I found it in the bag that I took when leaving my parents home, but I slowly grew fond of it.

I never really understood the passages but I read the notes on the side, feeling myself come to a verge of tears because I knew that it was what I needed.. I just didn't know how to get it.

"Why'd you put me through this if you love me?" I questioned God with a whisper.

I felt all I was ever good for was 'tough' love. What my parents did was tough. What Jonah did was tough. Same goes for everyone else in my life, but I didn't want that anymore.

When will I ever get the good love? The love you see in movies or the stereotypical white household? When will I get love that just doesn't hurt? God knows i'm tired of hurting, so why won't he make it stop?