Attraction To Affection

Chapter 48: Sorted

NYSA

It's been exactly 5 weeks today since he last talked to me willingly.

There's been not a single day I've not cried for everything to get settled again.

I don't care if you call me too emotionally dependent on him or a crybaby.

Crying doesn't make me feel weak nowadays. It's this one way I can get rid of the pain and hurt I caused him. He didn't break my heart because this time I did and maybe this is how I am going to repay.

I pretend. A lot these days. I have people beside me who are ready to listen from Any to Anirudh to Moksha to Nevaan but telling them about everything that's causing me to cry feels like I am betraying the person I love the most.

I realised how lonely it felt when he didn't talk to me. I've been so used to his voice daily whether it's him laughing on something funny I did, him talking about his day or him giving me his own versions of pep talk that it feels too weird to not hear him fucking talk.

I miss him so much. I miss my Aryan so much that it feels like I lost a part of myself when he stopped talking to me 5 weeks ago.

I am dependent on him. It sucks to be honest but then it's like I want to be. Not financially, not physically but emotionally and mentally, I am too dependent on him.

Today's Sunday and last five weeks, I've tried anything to everything to make up with him. From taking him on compulsory dates where it was only me speaking to sleeping close to him whether he likes it or not to telling him about my friends at office.

I managed to make him hum, chuckle and scoff but nothing more than that. I did heard him murmur a few nice words here and there but above that? Nothing.

I am not wanting to stop but something inside me is too tired to do anything more. Tired from not getting what I want, tired from pretending infront of him like I am okay when I am not, tired of faking smiles infront of everyone when all I want to do is cry, tired of feeling that I've someone beside me who will give me a shoulder to cry but knowing exactly that there's no one except him who can totally get me.

It's not easy.

But I can only try.

Today's sunday and it's our day off. I woke up snuggled in his chest and as much as I love the morning sight of him sleeping beside me, I know that once he wakes up, everything will be back to square one.

I stood up after kissing his cheek because that's the only time I can kiss him without making everything awkward than it already is.

Although he's not hard on me. He let me try everything and hugs me back when I am hugging him but what's left is him talking to me like before, like nothing changed because my one big silly mistake cannot ruin our 4 years of relationship.

I decided to shower and let my tears fall so that he doesn't have to see me cry.

I came out and saw him already sitting on the bed scrolling his phone.

A smile adorned my lips when he noticed me but his eyes softened looking at me for the third time in two days.

"Good morning!" I chirped and he stood up walking just to stand infront of me.

"Stop pretending like you are happy Nysa." He said caressing my face and I tried my best to control the tears I was holding back.

"I am fine. Finally you talked to me, that's a relief." I said patting his chest and he pulled me close slamming his lips on mine.

The warmth and comfort returned plummeting into me hard like never before. I pulled him close kissing him back while my tears fell off my eyes betraying every fibre of my being.