Gerard way Imagines

I'll keep you safe tonight [Requested]

[CHAPTER TITLE BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE- SCARECROW]
》T/W: Suicide thoughts, Depression《

The sobs that once filled your room only minutes ago had died down, but that didn't mean your tears stopped. You felt so useless, so meaningless, so.. empty. Your mind wasn't processing anything, not even your vibrating phone that wanted your attention for the 10th time already. You could hear it. You could even see it. But you couldn't bring yourself to move. It eventually stopped, the caller quitting his attempt once again. You just laid there, as the empty shell you felt you were. Two bottles filled with pills were standing on your nightstand next to a bottle of water. You couldn't bring yourself to drink any sort of alcohol after helping your best friend, Gerard, getting sober. You felt like you'd betray him, but you did that now too, didn't you? You were always his shoulder to lean on, always his anchor holding him in place, but somehow you broke, the chain holding you up called 'sanity' ripping apart, leaving you to drown on your own.
You slowly turned around in your bed, now face to face with the two bottle's that contained your decision of defeat. Gerard could swim on his own now. He wouldn't drown, and if he would get close to, he had many friends to keep his head up. Your hand felt like it weighted way too much as you slowly reached for the orange plastic container. Your fingers traced the letters stamped on the white background. That was when you heard someone knock.

"Y/N?"
You didn't answer. There was no meaning to that anyways.
"Come on I know you're there. Are you.. are you alright?"
You chuckled a little, a broken laugh. You heard movement outside your door. You knew what he was doing. He was searching for the emergency key you hid outside, because you always forgot your keys somehow. Silly you.
"I'm comin' in now."
Now. Now or never. If you wouldn't do it now you would probably never do it. And you promised yourself that this would be the last night feeling like this. So you grabbed the bottle. And the other one that contained the water to seal the deal.
"Y/N the fuck are you- oh God Y/N!!"
Suddenly everything happened so quickly. You didn't even had the chance to open the bottle of water, before it was knocked out of your hand, as well as your death wish in your other. "Don't you dare do this, don't you dare.!" His voice was raspy, angry but broken because of a sob that escaped his lips. You were still numb, still processing what had happened. He on the other hand was holding you like his life depended on it, like you would still be the anchor of his sanity. He softly moved, crouching down in front of your bed, you sitting in front of him, head hung low. You were suddenly feeling ashamed of yourself. You were supposed to be happy, for him. He needed you,how could you be so weak, so selfish, so-
"Y/N.. why.?"
Why. You couldn't process the word, only thinking about how you didn't deserve his kindness, his soft and gentle touch of his hand on your cheek, the other one resting on your arm. You didn't dare to look at him.
"Look at me, please.."
No. You couldn't. You couldn't see his face, probably full of disgust and anger and disappointment and-
"Please."
His broken voice made you cry again. You made him sad. You made him sad. How could you?
"I cant."
The first words you spoke since morning, and your voice was far from steady. Cracked and raspy, interrupted by your own sobs. You sounded terrible.
He gently lifted your head up, and forced you to look at him. And you saw everything you didn't think of.
Fear.
Panic even.
A look so desperate, so pleading.
"It's too much Gee. I cant.."
And he instantly stopped you from saying what you wanted to say, grabbing your figure and embracing you in his arms, whispering soft 'No's' and 'don't say it's' while rocking you back and forth. And once you calmed down enough you laughed a little, wiping your eyes, trying to return to your old self again.
"Sorry Gee, don't know what came over me." You still laughed, a laugh of a person that was pleading to themselves to gain sanity again. Gerard grabbed your hands, stopping your movements.
He knew your act.
"Stop it Y/N."
You laughed again. "It's okay Gerard,im fine no-"
He cut you off a little more angry than intended.
"No you're not!"
You instantly stopped, your smile fading. You wall was broken, and your face was falling again.
"No you're not."
You stopped your act completely, giving up. You fell into his arms, your arms snaking around his neck, and he held you safe in his arms as you cried freely.
"I'm so sorry. I'm just sk sirry gerard I'm- I'm supposed to be happy, to be stable, to be normal for fucks sake!"
He hushed you gently, petting your back with soft movements.
"It's okay. Everybody gets depressed, that's just totally normal. You dint have to be strong all the time." You calmed down, but still stayed in your position. "I love you Gee." You said, preparing yourself for him to say he doesn't.
"I love you too. God I love you too much, so don't do that ever again. You scared the living shit out of me."
You pulled away, looking at him with wide eyes. "Wait wait wait you do.?" He smiled, wiping your tears. "I do." He said, and suddenly you knew, that you both needed each other. He was your sanity, and you were his. And it felt good to know that none of you had to always be the hero.

A/N: To the person requesting this: I want you to know that no problem is too small to be not important enough to talk about. Depression is a topic that means a lot to me due to the fact that I'm going through this too. So trust me when I tell you,all of you who are feeling like this: you matter. You are loved. And you have a meaning. And if you don't think so, talk to someone, even me, I'm always there to help. Stay safe my chemical puppy's ♡