Gerard way Imagines

She can't stay sober for a day [Request]

A/N: trigger warning: Alcoholism, mention of self harm, Depression. If you're not comfortable with this please skip this chapter.

The room was completely dark as y/n sat in silence in front of her bed, surrounded by empty beer cans and several bottles of wine. She held a beer in her hand, sipping at it from time to time while staring at the nothingness that seemed to have consumed the room. Suddenly everything was brightnened a little, first bright white, and then, a small green light that showed itself in a steady rithm. It was her phone, the vibrating sound just was so dull she nearly couldn't hear it. The green light that was set for a particular number made her shiver. She knew, even in her state, who it was. But she ignored it, way too much alcohol was in her system.
Again, the screen of her phone brightened the room for some seconds, then again, and again. She stopped counting, watching the green light trying to get her attention. Her eyes widened when the screen told her she was being called. 'Gee'. Somehow she got her body to reach for her phone, and she tried to get her mind to work more normally, tried to steady her voice, practiced her hello and lies in panic. Then she accepted the call. She didn't want gerard to think something was wrong.
"Y/N? What's wrong, you haven't answered any of my texts. Everything alright?" She laughed a little, but remembered to sound as sober as possible. "No- ah I mean yes,'s alright Gee, just ah.. haven't found my phone hehe.." wow, she thought, you're doing a great job brain. "Are you drunk y/n?" She gasped at that, trying to stand up like she usually would when she got nervous, but failed because the hand that was supposed to help her stand up didn't touch the floor, but a bottle. The clattering sound of glass and cans, oh no, she was sure he heard it. Still she didn't gave up. "No. What makes you think that?" She could hear him move on the other side of the line, and a door being closed and locked. "I'm on my way y/n." Her eyes widened, and she began to panic. "No,no no.. no...." he'd already ended the call, and now her hands shielded her face from the non-existend faces that seemed to tell her how stupid she was to even accept the call, to even open the first bottle, to even rip her own flesh just for the feeling of her own blood on her skin. They were laughing at her for being so dumb, so useless, so ridiculously idiotic to even maneuver herself in this situation. Oh how much she wanted to be there for her best friend and love, she steadied him with his own demons, she helped him get over something she was already buried too deep in. She screamed, and glass shattered as she threw the now empty glass bottle of beer next to her, letting herself fall into the shards. She could feel the sharp edges digging into her flesh of her arm, but she welcomed it, the warm feeling of the liquid that made her alive. All of this seemed just like a sick joke to her. And she wished this was all just a dream. A sick one.
"Y/n where are you?" She heard him, she did, but it was too far away. Her body ached, her mind was numb, and she couldn't get herself to anything. She just laid there next to her demonic drugs and the shards that helped her remember how alive she was, and the tears that just flowed out of her eyes like water out of a bottle. "I'm worried, I don't like this joke you're pu- fuck!" The picture that gerard had in front of his eyes broke him to the core, and he had to fight tears. There she just was, existing, not living anymore. He thought he had times where he was miserable. But he never saw something like that. And never would he have believed that she was just as broken as he was once upon a time. The girl that helped him stand again, the girl that made everything seem like a fucking cheesy Disney movie for him. The girl he loved. He crawled next to her, gently sitting her up, taking in a sharp breath when he saw all the small and bigger shards in her arm. "Let's... Let's get you.. get you fixed. Come on." He tried to sound calm, he knew it could help, but inside he was panicking, raging, and crying. He picked her up, and brought her inside the bathroom, setting her into the empty bathtub, too scared to sit her on the closed toilet, fearing she could fall off. With big steps he stepped outside and flicked the light in the small room on,making her groan.
As he washed her, and fixed her arm he was always wearing a dark expression on his face. "I'm sorry." It was soft, fearful even, voice cracking here and there. The hazel eyed man looked at her. "I'm so.. so fucking sorry. " She said, desperately trying not to sob. Gerard said nothing, just picked her up again. She looked at him with wonder when the cold air of the outside world hit her body, and she was sat in Gerard's car. He buckled her seatbelt and closed the door, getting in the driver seat. "There's no fucking way I'm letting you alone in this state." He seemed angry. Oh no, he was angry. She knew it was her fault, she was just so stupid and- "stop thinking that."
She blinked.
What?
"Did I..?" He nodded. "And I don't like it. You're beautiful in every way y/n and I can't.." he shook his head. "I can't fucking loose you. Not you."

And the last thing she remembered was Gerard telling her how much she's worth, and how much he loved her before she fell asleep, feeling his lips on her forehead.