Gerard way Imagines

This is a place where I feel at home (Smut/trigger)

It was early morning when I was tiredly walking downstairs to look after my boyfriend. I found him in the kitchen, making coffee, eating an apple. Hm.
"Morning." I said kinda groggy, but with a smile. He smiled back, although his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. That seemed to be the case pretty often, as well as something else I've noticed. But I may was just overreacting.
"Morning sugar." He said, embracing me warmly. That's when I noticed. That was the last piece in my little puzzle of worries for him.
"Hey gee.." I said quietly into his shirt, and he hummed, signaling that he'd heard me and was listening.
"You've lost weight.." I said quietly, careful not to push anything too much.
He tensed up.
He got silent.
"Yeah, maybe. You want some coffee?" He said, changing the topic pretty obviously, leaving me standing. I got even more suspicious. Was he really..? No. Not Gerard. He was fine, he was over everything. Was he.?
I laid my hand on his, stopping him in his movements. "Gee.."
He didn't look at me. He actually avoided to look at me. "I'm worried.." He snapped a little. "Well, don't."
Ouch.
That kind of hurt.
"You know I won't do that. I love you." He sighed, running a hand along his face, seemingly distressed. "Gerard, tell me what's wrong.." He sat down at the small dinner table, and I kneeled in front of him, trying to look at his face. "When was the last time you ate properly Hun.?" He seemed to really have to think about it, and some tears pricked behind my eyes. "Gee.." He snapped again, but this time, I wasn't backing away. "I just.. God fucking damnit.. I don't know what's wrong! I don't feel like I'm good enough anymore!" I held his face in my hands, but shortly embraced him fully. He held onto me, burying his head in my chest, curling his fingers around the fabric of the old David Bowie shirt I was wearing. He started to sob, an I soothed him gently, like a mother would to to her child. "What if I loose you.. What if I'm gonna end up like a no-one.. What if.." And it continued on and on, and I listened, just listened, letting him vent, letting him be. Giving him the chance to let everything out.

When he calmed down, I held his head again, gently wiping away the tears with a warm smile. "Gee.. You may not be perfect.." He looked at me. "But you're perfect for me. You won't loose me, you won't be forgotten, and you won't just disappear." He looked at me, his glossy eyes scanning my face for any sign I was joking. But I wasn't. As I leaned upwards to kiss him, he hesitated, careful, thinking. "You.." He said when I leaned my forehead against his. "I?" I asked gently. "You don't have to do this.." He said, and I looked at him questioningly. "You don't have to kiss me or.. Touch me. I wouldn't either.." I growled a little, and kissed him again, with more force this time. "But what if I want to?" I said when we parted. I sat on his lap, my hand tangled in his red locks. "What if I want to kiss you?" I said, hovering my lips over his, and he moved towards me a little, his strength in holding back getting weaker and weaker. "What if I want to touch you.?" My hands moved, over his chest, to his hips, and he whined a little, barely making a sound. "What if I.. Want to love you.?" He closed his eyes now, as my hands placed his on my hip, making him hold me. "Would you let me.?" And he didn't nod. He didn't answer. Instead, he crashed his lips on mine, not holding back anymore. Breaths got faster, deeper, movements got slower, more sensual, temperature was rising, heat radiating from one body to the other. He softly took my shirt off, slipping it over my head, barely interrupting the kiss. I wanted to repeat those actions, but his fear got the best of him again, making him tense up his arms so I couldn't move the fabric. "Gee.." I whined, and it took me some attempts to get him to take it off. I kissed his neck, finding the sweet spot that made the red head mewl like a cat, and I found myself hypnotized by his voice again. "Beautiful.." I breathed against his shoulder, my hands train soft patterns on his bright skin. He lifted me up, and carried us both to the shared bedroom- a room he circuses to leave if he wanted to change his clothes. But not today. He wouldn't leave. I wouldn't let him.
My body laid down gently, never breaking physical contact with him, desperate to get more. He giggled when I moaned frustrated, making me smile too. He dropped his fear now. He'd left it downstairs. He was my Gerard again. "What'ya want kitten, huh?" He gently said voiceless, his head dipping down to kiss my jawline, until he reached my collarbone. "You." I said, as soundless as he did seconds ago. He lifted my back a little to open my bra, the slightly cool air hitting my exposed breasts, making me shiver a little. Soon, we were both just how nature had made us. Touching, feeling, holing each other, not caring about anything else than ourselves in this moment. He was being soft and gentle, yet he definitely led the way. I was completely his, hypnotized by his movements, by the way his skin seemed to glow, the pearls of sweat on his chest leaving me wondering how someone can reach such a perfection. A sound left both of us as we became one, and my mind wandered off, to some place higher, far away from my body, leaving me completely empty- yet my mind was filled up with him, the man my heart and soul belonged to. The only one I would ever allow to make me feel this way. His very being was something that made me feel safe. Calm. Frustrated. Loved.
A silent 'I love you' escaped him, an to my ears, I swear it was way more beautiful than an Angels voice. I repeated it in my state of desperation, over and over again until we both came undone.
We laid down, limbs tangled up, holding each other, my fingers gently caressing his white skin of his arm that hung loosely around my figure. "Y/n.?" I hummed, signaling to him that I heard him. "I love you." I smiled, and kissed him again. "I love you too gee." I knew by the look on his face that he wanted to say sorry, but he knew there was nothing to be sorry about. So he tickled my side to lighten the mood, or just to hear me laugh, one wonders. Suddenly we both stopped as we heard his stomach growl. He got red, but soon, we bursted out laughing. This is how it should be. This is a place that we should feel at home, not a place to feel pressured to be perfect. This is a place where we both belonged. Side by side.