Ella - [COMPLETE]

Chapter 5

The next day Ella sensed a difference in Nikola. In some moments, he was sweepingly confident, gently teasing and clearly enamored. At other times, he struck her as frightened and reclusive, going silent in the middle of luncheon. It wasn't until afternoon when they found each other by the stairs that she was able to invite him to walk in the gardens.

They found a pair of tree stumps to sit on, out where no one could hear them. When they sat across from each other, alone once more, he could hardly look her in the eye.

"I'm sure I know what's on your mind," she said. "Cecil, isn't it?"

Ella reached into her bag and pulled out two biscuits, handed him one.

The Knight took it from her nervously, and sat his hands in his lap, as he must have been too frightened to be hungry.

"We're only married," she said. "It doesn't mean we're in love. You're not intruding..."

"It was wrong," Nikola said, his voice dark. "Not only was it wrong, but Cecil is not even here. Perhaps if he and I had made some kind of arrangement. I'm sorry." He folded his arms, looking like a pouting child if not for his intimidating figure. "I should have been more rational."

"Nikola," she tilted her head, almost smiling. "I don't care--"

"Cecil cares," Nikola said. "He cares about you very much. He never stops talking about you."

Ella felt her face go pale. "Really? Are you sure?"

Nikola nodded, turned his body away from her slightly. "He loves you," Nikola said. "I'm sure of it."

Ella's posture collapsed as she rested her elbows on her thighs, head in her hands. What a mess this was indeed. The first time she had permitted herself to have a little fun, and it had all gone wrong. She ran her fingers though her hair and gave out a loud sigh.

"How much has he told you?" Nikola asked. "About his past relationships?"

With a near cackle, Ella said, "It's pretty clear he's never had one." She paused, put a finger to her lips. "Unlike you. I bet you've had many--"

"Stop," Nikola said. "Ella, I've never had a friendship with someone quite like you. But you and Cecil have so much in common. You are a fighter, you'd make a better knight than half of the men I know. And Cecil, he is no hunter, but he would be a fantastic homemaker. You should see the way he talks about planning a feast, or being a father, or designing a home. But the world has not been kind to you two. You can never be what you would be best at."

Ella straightened up. She had not been expecting this conversation to go this way.

"Talk to him," Nikola begged. "Just tell him about your real self, and your real desires."

Ella couldn't help her glare. After three months of marriage, she had never spoken to someone her true feelings towards her husband. And Nikola was his best friend, there was no way that she could tell him just how much she loathed Cecil. "I don't know how compatible we are," she said. "What I desire is..." Her face flooded with embarrassment, hope, and shame all at once. "Someone more like you."

Nikola set his hands on his knees, leaned closer. "Is that so?" he asked. "What makes you think that?"

"I've always wanted someone who was more my equal," she said, turning to face him. "Cecil is weak and naive."

With a close-lipped smile, Nikola's eyes fell to the ground. "Then you don't know him well enough," he said. "Get to know him. You're going to be with each other for a while, aren't you? Your bond is forever, isn't it?"

The Knight stood up and Ella quickly followed suit. Before she could think, she grabbed onto his arm. "You--" she tried to hide the anger from her face. "You really want to show me one of the best nights of my life, and then ask me to be more open with my husband?"

Nikola only looked at the ground, standing perfectly still.

"What a waste," she uttered. "You'll leave today."

Nikola raised his eyes and shook her hand free of him. "I wouldn't want to arouse the suspicion of your family. Why would I leave so suddenly? I will spend the night as planned, but I will spend it alone, thank you."

The two of them broke apart, Ella hurling herself further into the garden. If she didn't walk off her anger, it would show at dinner. Nikola headed back towards the castle, quiet and reticent.

---

Ella could not wrap Cecil in her arms joyfully when he came home. She could not pretend with him, or with anyone. She sat brooding into her sewing, slumped over her desk, when he entered the room grinning, rambling about how beautiful the city was this time of year. She tuned out the most of his gushing, spinning words in her head, trying to figure out how she would explain all these.

He soon sat on the edge of the bed, shedding his shoes and then his tunic to reveal his waifish body. What was Nikola talking about, suggesting he wasn't weak? He looked up at her and asked, "How was everything while I was gone?"

There were so many things to confess. Aside from Nikola's visit, things were a disaster. Without Cecil to manage the servants, she was flustered. Since they lived with Cecil's parents, and his sister and brothers, luckily there were other people to step in. Still, she had felt a little lost without his guidance. She had received some etiquette lessons when she was younger, but, much to her embarrassment now, it showed that she hadn't paid attention all too well.

"It was strange," she said. "Without you here." There was no easy way to break this to him. "Your friend, Nikola, missed your letter. He visited the estate while you were away." She prayed that he couldn't see her blush.

"Oh, did he? I'm so sorry to have missed him," he said.

"We... spent some time together," she said. It wasn't a lie. "He made me rethink something. He told me how much you talk about me, when you're with him. Out hunting. He said you really care about me." She had turned to face him now, looking timid.

Cecil sat upright. "That's because I do," he said. "How did that make you rethink anything?"

"How can you like me?" she asked. "You hardly know anything about me. I've known you for three months."

Cecil rested his hands behind him on the bed. "Sure," he said. "You're right. I don't know everything about your life up until this point. I don't know much about your family, or your thoughts on certain ideas, or all of that. But I know you. I know your demeanor. And I know we'll work well together." He glanced out the window, then turned to her. "I never thought about getting married, if I'm honest," he said. "I know so many people who grew up dreaming of their wedding. But I never did. Did you?"

"No."

"I just couldn't see myself with any woman," he said. "But when I saw you, I felt--I felt like I had hope. Maybe I couldn't imagine my marriage because I couldn't imagine the person who would be beside me. But now I know."

Ella was stunned. She knew she was different from many women, in body-type and in demeanor. She spoke her mind. She could brandish a sword. She hated sewing. There was some part of her that never imagined a man would think of her this way.

"Oh," she said. She set her sewing down and stood up. "Thank you, Cecil. That's very kind of you to say."

He looked up at her, expectingly. Perhaps waiting for her own confession of love, but she wouldn't give it to him.

"I never dreamed of marriage either," she said. "And I think I still have trouble remembering I'm married now." She bowed to him, she wasn't sure why, it just felt like the right thing to do. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on the servants about tomorrow's meals."

Cecil was left sitting there, slack-jawed.