A Spaceman

Chapter 18--Please pass the milk

"No, you can't run with us," I tell Darla, stepping away from her lest she try to touch me again and I am unable to resist the urge to break her hand.

"Aww, you're no fun," she says, sort of swinging her hips and staring at me.

"Yeah, no, I'm not," I say.

"Cadet Leavitt, are you feeling better?" a girl from the Cygenus flight comes up, and walks in between myself and Darla. Is she intentionally interrupting or am I just lucky?

"Yes, ma'am," I say, nodding.

"Good, we wouldn't want you to be unwell," she says, smiling at me a little, "Should be a fun run today."

"Yes," I say, as she basically turns her back on Darla. Okay it's either very intentional or very ignorant. I'm pretty sure it's that first one.

"Well, we should let you get your flight sized up, looks like we're going to eat soon," she says, backing away and basically pulling Darla with her.

"Bye," Darla says, waving.

I don't say goodbye to either of them. there probably is something wrong with me. I don't have much time to ruminate on what, however, because this happens:

"Leavitt, over here, now," Ebbel says, from remarkably close behind me.

"Sir, Cadet Leavitt reports as ordered," I say standing at attention in front of him.

"IA needs to talk to you about breakfast, come with me," he says.

"Yes, sir," I say.

"Wait---have you eaten yet this morning?" he asks.

"No, sir, I'm not hungry," I say.

"I don't blame you, come on," he says, shrugging.

**

I line them up for our meal. Logan looks like he's going to expire from hunger. His flabby stomach is growling. Tom looks lean and brown, we've had so many runs this past week, we're all getting quite tan. She doesn't look at me specifically, but we are supposed to have our eyes forward. Tsegi is just barely back in time from flirting with Leavitt. I don't know what the girls see in him---all right I know exactly what they see in him but I don't have to like it.

The remaining Tim looks sad, Peter looks blankly forward. He's not in shock anymore, so that's good. I shall have to see if I can wear the brainwashing out of him a little, if he's a complete robot they'll be bound to notice.

Wilde goes to march Leavitt's flight---I wonder why? Where did they take him? No matter, I'll ask Kip later. I have no doubt I'll be in detention duties and the brig again tonight.

**

I'm terribly groggy now that the thrill of being hooked up to a lie detector has worn off. it's far too early to mucking about in the woods. This place is getting increasingly insane. doctor's mutilated, cadets baked into pies---I asked Ebbel if that happened apparently it totally happened. I seriously needed a transfer. Or to get out completely. I don't care anymore, this is becoming frightening, the cadet dying was one thing, but somebody doing that to the doctor? Even if he is crazy? No, this is dangerous. As soon as Liesel graduates, I am meeting her, telling her who I am. and I am quitting and being there whenever she gets back from leave or whatever she wants to do, she can come and I will always be in my flat waiting for her ready with a meal or to have a chat. Because this—this is not reality this is some bizarre version of reality where short scrawny acne covered people with shaved heads ate meals out of brown packets in the forest lest they eat each other. I looked around for Liesel, but in all the shaved heads I couldn't find her. I sigh. I should really get better at identifying her that probably makes me a horrible parent---who am I kidding? I already am a horrible parent, or I would have actually spoken to my own child before---well now. and she would know who I was. I wondered if she'd missed me last night. I hadn't messaged her. she was probably fine, I'd said my job was weird. she just had no idea how weird. and the way this week was going, neither did I.