A Spaceman

Chapter 4--The spacemen are back in town

My mind buzzes with the anticipation of something not yet realized. It is the constant yearning of the impatient lover whose passion has not been satisfied, who has not known another's flesh yet can already feel it beneath his fingers. That peculiar anticipation of a joy that will never come. The feeling of longing of the change you know is about to take place as you cling unyieldingly to the innocent past. I feel all of these things. And the feeling overwhelms me because I am not used to feeling. It is a strange and stirring experience for me, and when it does occur I cling to it. it is less that my emotions do not exist but that they are instead muted. Something floating beneath the ether of my conscious, refusing to surface lest they be too bold or real for this world. So I float aimlessly, acting the person they think me to be.

Well, I made them think that. Perhaps it was wrong. It will all change anyway. I will change it. Then laugh at them. Except I don't recall the last time I laughed. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Only time will tell.

Or not.

The sick are rarely noticed. So it is mental with physical. But the powerful, the powerful are seen. They skim beneath the surface, Then they rise.

**

"What do I do?" Clarisse asks, bouncing up and down off the wall, her hands propelling her up then pulling her back down as she sways uncomfortably in the office where I am supposed to be giving her her orders. It was a whole lot more formal and frightening when Starr did this to me, as I recall. But he's a lot more formal and frightening of a person.

"Do whatever I say, follow me around, and do what I do," I say, shrugging, "I teach you as we go. Of course, you'll attend a four month training at the end, but other than that, I'm to teach you to fly and shoot missiles and use the computer system and everything else that you need to learn."

"Sir, I want to learn everything, I'm really good. I'll be really good. I won't bother you at all," she bubbles, a happy grin finally on that morose face. I sense that there has been a lot of darkness that those young eyes have seen. But I push those thoughts away. Whatever it is that haunts her, she is safe and happy now.

"I doubt that," I say, dryly, although her enthusiasm does not grate on me as it would have Starr. He is no doubt whipping his little puppy into submission already. Poor Tony.

"Oh, no, sir, I won't ask too many questions, and I won't talk too much, and I'll do everything exactly like you do---oh, am I talking too much?" she asked, covering her mouth and then uncovering it, frightened as she lost her grip of something solid.

"Not yet, you will be soon though," I say, "For now, I'll take you back to uniforms, you'll need new things. You'll also be staying in different quarters. You'll have officer's quarters near mine."

"Oh yes sir, are we going to be flight partners?" she asks, bouncing again.

"Yes, eventually, once you actually know how to in fact fly. For now stay on the Ulysess, later you'll fly with me, in my ship, but you don't do, touch anything, or talk, in the event of an attack, later, we will fly together once you've been initiated into the ships."

"Sir, do you think we'll get to fly in an attack?" she asks, bouncing again.

"Considering the Ulysses hasn't been under attack in over fifty years, No," I say, exactly as the sirens went off. I closed my eyes in annoyance.

"Aren't those attack sirens?" she asks, grin fading.

"Yes, this is the part where you follow me and quit talking, I have less than five minutes to suit up," I say, turning and going to the door.