A Spaceman

Chapter 22--Another one down

Disposing of a body was rather invigorating. And it nearly sent Leavitt to pieces. I saw him after they sent him back today, he's not right in the head. I wonder if I can do it so quickly and smoothly again. And if at the same time, I can get that annoying leviathan Leavitt to completely go to pieces. Well, one way to find out.

**

I sit next to the boy's bedside, looking at the monitor's beeping and watching him sleep. It's surprisingly comforting to watch somebody sleep. Especially a child, or as near as he is to a child he isn't a man not yet, poor boy. I wonder who his father is. I read his file, he's one of the Forgotten, as they call themselves. The ones that nobody comes for. how could you do that? You know your flesh and blood is living, breathing out there somewhere without you, and you don't even want to know they are okay? I can see not wanting to raise them, that looks hard I'm sure I'm not capable of that. I never would have been. But for God's sake, I wanted my daughter alive and well and able to talk to me. I cared about who or what she was. I wanted to go and throttle whoever his parents were. tell them their boy was lying, incoherent, lonely, in a hospital bed after trying to burn himself up, was that anything to do with what you did? Huh? Maybe? Maybe the fact that you brought him into this unfeeling, miserable world---which according to Thorne is coming to an end but that's just a side note---and he knows for a fact you brought him here and now don't even care to meet him? Not even learn his name? Who named him? Who named my Leisel? All the lost children who gave them names and dried their tears? Nobody with enough care, for sure. Or he'd not be lying here like this now.

"Are you from the Space Forces?" a nurse asks, coming and checking Peter's chart.

"Yes, I've been sent down with him," I lie. I wasn't sent, I just sort of came. Somebody ought to be here.

"That's good, I do hate it when they're alone," he says, looking at the boy, "Especially now, but soon he'll get some attention, they're saying they'll send him to in patient once the burn unit is done with him."

"What's that?" I ask, I'm stupid I didn't even know there was a special burn unit till this morning.

"In patient? It's psychiatric care," he says.

"Like institutionalizing him?" I ask, "He's sixteen years old."

"He did set himself on fire, and anyway, it's not as though anyone is coming for him," he says, shrugging, "There'll be people there that'll take care of him."

"What do you mean, it's not as though anyone is coming? You mean if nobody comes and gets him out, he'll just stay there?" I ask.

"Probably, yeah," he says, shrugging, "I worked at one once, dead depressing, nobody ever comes if they've got no family, nobody to care for them because they usually can't do it all themselves, medications and such."

"That's horrible," I say, reaching out and holding his hand as he sleeps.

"Yeah, it is, better than the war though, I think. Maybe not, though. they've got their own war in their heads, don't they?"

"Yes," I say, "They do." what would have possessed him to do something like that to himself?

**

I don't like sleeping, Tom suggested we do it as an experiment but I've never really liked it. and I passed out already earlier today, I miss my mind when I'm asleep. But as she said, I should try, after all if I haven't actually tried to sleep through a night I can't be completely certain it is not amusing to me. So I lie there with my eyes closed, forcing my brain to shut off which I absolutely despise doing, but it is the only way to reach full REM. Harris did ask me to keep any eye on the cadets, which I have no intention of doing if only because he asked, but since I wanted to know if he would be close to a mental breakdown or not, I have had a look around, and Liesel is safely asleep in her bunk. Tyrell is not even though he should be back from late duties by now. but I will do experiments on him another day. What I really want to do now is fully analyze the effects on Peter, if my mind control contributed to his lessened brain capacity or if shock was purely the cause and I was the catalyst. Next time I certainly don't need my victim becoming actively violent. Before I tell him to. Perhaps I simply need to make my instructions more coherent. Well, the only thing to do is experiment. Which I should be doing right now with extended sleep. I sigh. I really don't think I'm going to enjoy this.