A Spaceman

Chapter 20--Cadets like us

I stand by the edge of the path, as Titus runs past. Damn it he was sick after carrying Logan like that, how can he keep running? I feel terrible. He wouldn't have walked away if I hadn't yelled at him and now he is having to do this he has to be dying. I never should have shouted at him. but Peter is one of my best friends. But Titus was right, I'd heard him he hadn't told Peter to do that. I was wrong of me to blame him. So it's my fault he has to run like this.

**

I push through the pain. Pain means nothing I am a god among men. I am not cut from the same stuff as them otherwise I would not move. I would not breath still if I were one of them. My oxygen tank ran out two laps ago. Yet I still breath.

**

"I'm sorry I got mad at you. You were right it wasn't your fault, I was wrong," I say, running to join Titus, match pace with him. his face is sheet white and his eyes blank.

"What?" he asks, staring at me.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have blamed you," I say, "I was wrong."

"It's all right," he says, shrugging and looking away from me. 

"No, it's not, I was wrong. And you wouldn't have wandered off if I hadn't been so cross with you so you wouldn't have to do this so it's only fair I do it with you," I say, breathing deeply. God my legs hurt.

"You don't have to," He says, shaking his head, "I'm fine."

"I know," I say, "I'm doing it anyway."

"Thank you," he says, looking as though he would kiss me if he weren't running, sweat running in rivulets down his skin, eyes glowing with the exhilaration. If I weren't running I'd kiss him back.

**

I don't know why Titus has to run the laps again. maybe because he put my bloody guidon on the roof again or something equally stupid. I know it's him. but I'm not tired, and I want to be so tired I don't think. And it looks like they're going to leave us standing here for quite some time.

"Hi," I say, running up to join Tom and Card as they run around the path.

"What are you doing?" Card asked, abruptly.

"I needed to talk to somebody, and have them hear me," I say, honestly.

"After Peter, you mean?" Tom asks, kindly, her breath coming in short gasps.

"Yeah, that and this morning, they asked me more about the pies," he says, shuddering, "And I couldn't talk to them about it. but I felt better after the run. And I want to keep feeling better. and being all right. I really want to be all right."

"What'd they ask you?" Titus asks, his breath weak.

"Nothing much just had me repeat the same thing---are you out of oxygen?" I ask.

"Yes, I have been, did they find out if you were right?" he asks.

"What? Titus you have to tell them it's against regulation to run without oxygen," Tom says.

"No, I'm doing an experiment it's completely fine. Leavitt, did they tell you anything new?" he asks.

"Just that I was right, they don't know how it happened, though," I say.

"Titus, did you start this?" Liesel Stowe asks, running up to join us.

"Technically Ebbel did," Titus says.

"Dare I ask what experiment you are doing?" Tom asks.

"How long I can go without oxygen before passing out—we all don't need to do this," Titus says.