A Spaceman

Chapter 3--Something is very wrong

"You have class in ten minutes you shouldn't be answering."

"Love you too, Dad," I mutter, leaning against the wall of my bathroom as close my eyes, fighting the urge to vomit again.

"Are you all right?" he asks, sharply, noticing no doubt the cadence of my voice.

"I'm fine, felt a bit sick is all," I lie, "I've done my assignments so I'm staying in the dorm."

"You don't feel well? Do you need anything? I can---"

"No. you're fine, you're in the pressurization sector I know," I say. I truly don't want him coming. And he's in the pressurization units to prepare in case he has to fly a mission. And knowing him he'll have to fly a mission. "I'm just a bit tired. You know they've had cases of the Plague I thought I'd best stay home."

"Do, get yourself to the clinic if you're feeling worse, and drink plenty of water, and consume at least 1000mg of Vitamin C a day are you---"

"I know, Dad, I'm fine, look, I'm just going to sleep for a while, can I call you later?" I ask.

"Yes, of course, you know that," he says.

"Okay," I say, pressing my head against the cold tile wall of the bathroom god I feel sick. "What did you call me about?"

"Nothing in particular, just wanted to a te-te-te," he says.

"You're bored out of your mind not flying, aren't you?" I ask, my only pleasure is that at least mentally he's as miserable as I am physically.

"Completely, yes, thank you for mentioning it. all right, get some sleep. I love you, Tess."

"I love you too," I say, quietly, pressing my ear piece to make sure it disconnects. Then I take it out and throw it into the bedroom. I don't want that in my ear. I don't want anything except to die.

I lay down on the cold tile, at least that makes me feel less sick. I am tired, I wasn't lying about that. and he's right. I should go to the clinic.

Just not yet.

Not yet.

I put my hand over my stomach, rubbing it slowly, feeling for my hard, round uterus. Already I'm bloated and sick. I wanted to wait a few more months but I can't even make it to class.

And I'm so damn tired all the time I can't believe it. I shouldn't feel this horrible already. Well yes I should I read the books on it. Of course I did I read everything.

"You're not making this easy," I say, quietly, to my unborn child. I shouldn't talk to it I know. uBt it's too late. I already like it. I didn't want to or even think I would. When I first suspected the pregnancy I planned on having an abortion. But then when I thought about actually doing it. and the test came up positive and I knew the baby was real. I stared to---love it. I'm falling in love. For the first time. I want to laugh except then I might throw up. I care so fiercely about the small thing, it scares me.

I won't let anything happen to it. I have to protect it because it's mine.

Except that won't be easy. Safe to say I'm not going to OTS this fall as planned. I'm not doing anything as planned. I'm pregnant I'm having a child.

And in a weird way all I want is to tell my dad. I want to tell him and have him hug me with his strong arms. And tell me it's all right.

Because that's exactly what he'd do. He'd be mildly pleased in fact. I know him. How I know him. And when I'm this sick and tired I want him to be there being calm and okay. And then I won't be alone. And he'll tell me it's all right. And he'll say I can stay in the flat while I have the baby. And that everything will be all right. And he'll help me take care of it and I don't have to go back to Space Forces if I don't want to. And that it's all okay.