A Spaceman

Chapter 28--Goodnight?

"Why do they keep giving you detention duties?" Kip asks, leaning back in his chair, eating crisps. "You are obviously not learning anything."

"I really don't know," I say, leaning back in my chair as well. My fitted SBUs came in so I'm feeling quite pleased and comfortable. Also they let those of us who don't own tablets borrow tablets to read on. Those are supposed to be taken away due to detention duties, but Thorn said I might keep mine as I might need it to help Kip. So I'm quite happily reading. I'm trying to teach myself Russian. It's going very well.

"The fight was pretty cool, and you weren't doing so bad. What'd you say to him?" Kip asks.

"Nothing so bad to begin with, I was honestly being helpful. I just knew it was annoying," I say, shrugging a little, "They broke us up before either of us could really get a clear upper hand, though, sort of a shame I haven't been in a good fight since I got to basic. We do combat of course but that isn't the same thing."

"No, it's not—but on to more important matters, how are you doing with the girl?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, all right. She gets alternately cross and enamored of me when I act like---me. like she forgave me for something I sort of did but she didn't know I did, then she got upset again when I got in the fight, that could've been on principle, though, because she thought she ought to be cross with me for getting in a fight," I explain, not looking up from my book.

"Hmm, yes, sounds like a woman, more than that, does she know how you feel? And you've quit trying to set her up with other people?" he asks, concerned.

"No, I'm done with that. I told her I worship the very sweet air she breathes, so I think that accurately appraises her of my emotions," I say.

"That would about do it, yeah, what was her reaction?" he asks.

"She said 'you're going to be late for detention duties you moron are you actually trying to get thrown out?'," I answer.

"You just told her this?" he asks, "What about before?"

"Oh, she's known since not long after you and I last talked, that was just most recent," I say, "I don't know though. I've got another problem and it's complicated. Far too complicated to explain." I'm almost positive she knows the truth about me, about what happened to Hilda, stupid woman. It really wasn't my fault---I was sure I'd told her. but would she be acting so casually if I had?

"I've got all night, and day actually," he says, helpfully.

"Yeah, no, that's all right, it wouldn't help to talk about it, I just need to talk to her," I say. I'm just working on how to broach the subject carefully without actually giving it away because I don't want her to know if she doesn't already know. which I don't think she already knows there's no way she could still be treating me like a something approximating a human being if she already knew but she could and she might. I sigh. It wasn't getting any easier, only harder, as the world spun around me and I was made of glass yet nobody bothered to look right through me.

"Hey, it's me, doesn't talk to anybody doesn't do anything little me," Kip says, a bit hurt.

"Nah, it's really complicated, and I'm not in the mood to go over it just---it's me," I say, with a laugh, "It's all me."

**

"You and Titus took a while getting back from IDMT last night," Liesel comments. She and I have been talking at night, since Peter's gone and Tsegi as well, we're the few left now of the 10s, in our sect anyway. I know the others vaguely but they were always different floors or buildings or classes whereas we tried to stick together.