Where Your Loyalties Lie - {Severus Snape x Reader}

-65-

As I'm walking towards the chamber, the feeling of Severus's lips still on mine, I can't stop smiling. 'Just call me yours.' The thought of him over all warms my heart. When all of sudden, my thoughts gets cut off by the sound of someone else's foot steps behind the corner ahead of me. Huh? Immediately, I stop walking to hear better. Whoever it is, they walk towards the door to head outside. Their steps are way too fast for a person who's in the night shift. Carefully, I take a peek behind the corner to see who it is. My eyes widens a bit when I recognize the person who just walked out. Draco! There is a small pause as I stand there, trying to think what to do here. Should I go after him? This would be the perfect change to go and talk to him. So with that, I head out to go after the student. It is after all way past the curfew.

Instead of just running after him and ask what is he doing here at this hour, I follow him ten meters behind. Wonder where's heading off to? Even Draco has his back facing me the whole time, I can tell he's stressed out. Why I feel so nervous? Guess it's because I haven't had the time to figure out how am I going to approach this situation the way he would feel comfortable to talk to me. Considering the fact that we are not close... I don't need to know all of the details of his life, but as his teacher I need to make sure he's okay. Whatever it is he's going thru. He ends up going to the Boathouse. Had to wait for him walk down all those stone stairs, all the way down before going after him, so he couldn't spot me in middle of it. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't went straight away to my chamber after making sure Minerva got into hers, otherwise I wouldn't have my coat on. It's freezing out here! After making sure he went inside the Boathouse, and raising the courage, I finally go after him.

Draco keeps throwing small stones into the lake time to time with pensive look on his face. I watch him for a while further away where he can't see me. His throws becomes more intense, like he's mad at the Black Lake itself. Clearly he feels hurt. Sad. Frustrated. Feeling cornered. All the things I felt back when... Draco finally had enough of throwing tiny rocks and sits down on the deck. My heart keeps pounding faster than normal as I watch the young boy take a breather. With slow steps, I approach him:"Looks like the Boathouse is a popular place to be when feeling down, eh?". Immediately, his head snaps towards me. He looks surprised to see me, and no wonder. "What you want?" he asks, but not as harsh as I thought he would.

Without a word, I walk beside him. "May I sit here?" I finally ask. Draco lowers his gaze from me to his shoes that are tangling above the water and he moves himself a little, giving me the space to sit down on his left side. After sitting next to him, I let out a soft sigh and look at the view before us. It's so quiet and peaceful. "You know, I used to come here as well whenever I felt like the world was falling apart." I reveal. "Save it, Professor. I don't need your pity." he scoffs. "Oh, I am not pitying you, Draco. Trust me." I answer. He slightly turn his chin towards me as he keeps the gaze down, like he's afraid to make an eye contact:"Then what are you doing here?". I shrug:"Just wanted to see you're alright.".

He's about to say something, like he'd like to smite me with some witty comment, but ends up swallowing the words. Like he's tired. Tired of keeping his guards up and pushing people away with his words. We sit there in silence for a bit before I speak again:"Draco... I want to apologise.". No answer. But I can tell he didn't expect me to say that. I turn to look at him:"I may have been... A little bit biased, when it comes to different Houses. Specially when it comes to Slytherin. Something us professors should never do. I'm sorry.". No answer. Since he won't say anything and doesn't seem to mind me talking, I continue while watching the lake before us:"My parents were Slytherins. My whole family, matter of fact. Generation after another... They became obsessed with it, like nothing else mattered in life. After I got sorted in Hufflepuff, they got upset - say the least.". My thoughts trails off a moment after saying all that.

Then, I clear my throat a bit and continue:"They said I was disappointment. Disgrace to them. No matter what I'd do or act, I wasn't approved... And I blamed myself for it. Everyday.". Draco's body stiffens and he holds tighter onto the edge of the deck we are sitting on. "Not that all this is an excuse how I've treated yo..-", "I should be the one apologising." he quickly interrupts. Huh? "...What for?" I ask. He starts fidgeting his hands together slowly:"...I never actually meant to hurt him..- Your niffler, I mean.". Realizing he means the time he caught Sniffy and brought him to Umbridge's office last year. Can't deny it, I'm slightly taken aback. Seeing him - Draco Malfoy himself, this vulnerable is a huge thing. I look down and soft smile raises on my face:"I know.". He's not that bad after all. There is good in him. I can see it now.

We stare at the lake again in silence. It's quite beautiful actually. After couple of minutes, I finally break the silence with a sigh:"Well, it's getting late. Better get inside before someone else finds you out of the bed.". With that, I got up and wait for him. For a moment longer Draco stares at the view. Wish I would know what's going on his mind right now. He finally got up as well, ready to leave the Boathouse. As I turn my back to him and start walking ahead, he suddenly says:"Professor.". Right away I stop and turn to him. "Yes?" I ask softly. We share a look. Not just any look. It's the exactly same look I gave Dumbledore when I was at his age. Back when I needed help the most, but couldn't bring myself up and tell how I felt. My stomach makes this unpleasant turn and my breath hitches.

Draco then looks away and shook his head:"Forget it. Not important.". Hearing that felt like a cut over my heart. Immediately - without thinking, my right hand holds onto side of his left arm while staring into his grey eyes:"No, Draco. Whatever you haveto say is important. No matter how small you might think it is...". My sudden touch and words surprised him. "You can tell me." my voice sound like a whisper. I want him to know it's alright. That whatever he has on his mind, whatever he's carrying in his heart... It won't make him a coward if he speaks up. We keep staring in each others eyes. It does look like he's about to say what has been bothering him all these past days, weeks, months - hell, maybe even for years. But Draco ends up biting his tongue:"Told you it's nothing.". There is a cold look in his eyes. As expected, his walls has gone up.

There is this part of me that wants to push him to tell me the truth, but I just know it won't help the situation at all. It would only make things worse. So, I end up slowly nodding:"Alright.". I give him the last squeeze against the arm before letting go:"My doors are always open.". Right after that, Draco walks past me and I feel this cold breeze going thru between us. Draco... No matter how much I wanted to run after him, talk to him, make things right with him... I can't bring myself to move. Like my legs have turn into stone, throat stuck from all of these words and feelings I'd want to him to know. After he left the Boathouse, it got so quiet. I look up, desperation written on my face. I feel like I failed. I let Draco storm off back inside the castle in peace, and went inside myself few minutes after. In my mind, I keep going over and over all different ways I could have handle the situation to have better out come, but none of them seem to sit well with me. Urgh..!

As soon as I enter the chamber, Sniffy comes up to me and I give him a cuddle:"Hi, little fella. Missed me?". I press my nose against his fur and peck him a kiss:"I love you so much! You know that, right?". Sniffy just looks at me with those cute little eyes, unsure what I'm talking about. Pretty much after that, I toss all of my clothes to the side and take a hot shower. Sure, it's over two am at this point, but who cares? Night showers are the best. While the hot water keeps coming down, I can't help but go over everything that happened today. Everything that happened at the Qudditch Pitch. How Severus just grabbed my scarf and pull me into that kiss... How we interlocked our fingers under the capes... How he kissed me back in the Potions class... How we agreed we're in an actual relationship with each other. 'Thought it was as clear as a day.' Blush raises on my cheeks again just thinking about him. I think I really am... In love.