Where Your Loyalties Lie - {Severus Snape x Reader}

-107-

Two weeks goes by. Everything seems to be going well - as well as they can go during these times. Only... It's really hard to act like there's nothing more between me and our Headmaster. We haven't been able to spend any time alone with each other after the Christmas. Sometimes I think he got me the niffler just so she can keep me company. I ended up naming her Muffin. 'Out of all the names... You choose that one?' Severus wasn't convinced when he heard what I came up with. 'Yep!' I answered proudly. He then gave me the look 'You won't be catching me calling it that'. What a grumpy man... Somehow I managed to dodge the question about the book and where I got the red dress from. Keeping the Vanishing Cabinet as a secret from him makes me feel torn. There is this part of me that feels guilty for not telling him about it. But, then there is this other part in me that is telling I'm only protecting him. After all, I'm trying to help to put an end to this madness. And knowing Severus, he would just order me to stay out of this.

It's pretty cold and crispy weather as I'm walking outside the castle's groundings during the lunch time. Every breath I take, some steam comes either from my mouth of nose. Muffin is in a leash, sniffing everything around us. She's so darn cute! Dongy has knitted her little coat to keep her warm during weathers like these. People were amazed when they first saw the niffler as I was taking her to outside for a walk. So I had to come up with this lame excuse how I got her. There's no way I can reveal how Severus Snape - the most feared man in this school, got the beast for me as a Christmas present. So I ended up telling everyone I happened to find her right outskirt of the castle's yard just by accident. And sure enough, they all believed me. Because, why would I lie to them? Urgh, how much all of this pains my heart. I don't wanna keep lying to people. I just want to keep everyone safe!

Muffin isn't used to the leash quite yet, so she keeps walking in this funny way whenever she isn't too distracted by the environment around her. Silly little fella. After visiting Sniffy's grave, we walked to the Black Lake's shore. My gaze lift up to the sky. Only to see the light grey clouds, as there are tens of Dementors slowly flying above further away. Waiting if any of us cross the Hogwarts groundings, so they can make their attack. This is not the way to live. Seeing all this just confirms the feeling inside me that using the Vanishing Cabinet and keeping it in a tight secret is a good thing. I will tell Severus about it. Eventually. Not now. But eventually. "C'mon, Muffin. Let's keep going." I gently tug the leash and we continue the walk. We walked thru the thick ice that has the Black Lake underneath it. Had to walk carefully and keep my balance, so I wouldn't slip and fall. Unlike Muffin, who kept falling down on her little belly and sliding against the ice. Good thing I got her in the leash, so I was able to drag her when needed.

We ended up walking to this little land, that has sparse trees around it. During the summer time this island would be surrounded by the water so you would haveto either take the boat or fly with the broom to get here. However, this isn't just any land that I just randomly walk in to. This is where the White Tomb - Albus Dumbledore's grave is. His final resting place. Walking to the tomb without anyone else with me makes these great shivers go down from my neck all the way to the toes. Last time I was here was back when we had his funeral. My mind was a mess during that time, so I didn't actually had the time to take good look at the tomb he was put in. And now... Here it is. Even it's very simple, white colored with no decorations on it, it still gives this majestic feeling. Albus...

Now that I know the real reason behind why Severus ended Dumbledore's life and everything he knew about Harry Potter, I don't feel like breaking down crying of his death as I'm standing here. I am sorrowing it for sure - but not the same way I used to. After all, he was a great Wizard. Boss. Person who to turn to when the walls were coming down. Then again... He knew Harry is one of the Horcruxes and didn't tell him. He used Severus for his own good. Made him as his own spy without caring how it'll affect him in the long run. He used Severus's loyalty and good heart, and now Severus has to live with the consequences. Even Severus acts like this calm and collected person in front of everyone, and tries his best to keep himself focused, I just know he's suffering deep inside. He doesn't want me to see it, but he can't hide it from me. Specially during these few nights we have slept next to each other. When he sometimes mutters thru his sleep how sorry he is. That's when I wrap my arms around him and embrace till he fully calms down. It really breaks my heart. But I know we'll get thru this. Eventually. We just got to believe and keep our heads high.