Supernatural One Shots

Broken (michifer)

It isn't a Michifer per say, it's more of an angsty Michael one shot caused by Lucifer. Whatever, just read.

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"I'm sorry Michael," Lucifer said, "but I can't forgive that easily. I want to be with you, trust me but-" he shook his head -"I just need time out. What I've been through, because of you, I can't not be mad at you. I know you did it to save me, but still..." on that, Lucifer left, leaving a devastated Michael behind.

Michael understood Lucifer's motives, he really did, he just hated himself for doing that to him. He thought back on everything they said, everything he had done and for the first time in his life, he allowed himself to cry. Alone in the crappy motel room he had transported himself to, he cried all his anger, his self-loathing and his despair.

Then, after what felt like an eternity of crying, he decided to take thing in hands. He wouldn't go back to Heaven, that was a no-go. Instead, he bought himself a cramped appartement. It was okay with him though, he didn't need much space.

Soon enough, he had nothing to do to distract himself from his pain. So he tried something new: sleep. It was a weird thing, sleep; shutting down your body to regenerate and sometimes hallucinating things that you don't remember.

He decided he liked it, sleeping. It kept his mind off of his grief and the weird aching that had started to annoy him. But then came the nightmares and he had nothing to do of his days again, not wanting to relive everything.

But weirdly, it was like he needed to sleep. If he didn't, he would fall asleep at the most random moments. Do he began to sleep again, even though nightmares still haunted him. So to fill his day, Michael found himself a job. Technically he didn't need money, he could just create some, but he liked it, it gave him some sense of satisfaction and very efficiently took his mind off of his worries.

When he went home however, it all crashed back down on him and he often sat staring at his blade, two parts of his mind battling to win. He often thought about it all; about how he ruined Lucifer's life, how things could never be the same, about every single mistake he had made his whole life.

He also discovered hunger and ate often. He couldn't believe how he missed on human culture and became an okay cook, enough to do his own meals. It was starting to be weird, his powers weren't as easy to use, but frankly he couldn't care less at the moment.

But one day his train of depressing thoughts was stronger than ever and it made him discover yet another human thing, called a panic attack.

He was thinking of Lucifer, how Michael had ruined everything between them. How he had ruined the angels too, he had ruined his Father.

It drifted to Heaven. Were they okay without him? Gabriel was dead, Raphael was dead and they would never want Lucifer as a ruler. Did it fall? Had he ruined it again, like he always did? Was everyone okay? Was there a war for power? Was Lucifer alive? Where had his Father been? Will he be okay? What was happening to him...

He hadn't recalled crumpling against the wall, yet there he was. He made desperate efforts to calm his racing breath, or to stop the thoughts, anything to make it stop, but it only reminded him of how lonely he was, how there was no one to help him, how angels probably viewed him as a disgrace.

He felt tears trickling his eyes, unable to stop them from falling down his face as he desperately tried anything, just to make it stop. After what felt like an eternity it finally did and he stayed there, slouched on the ground, knowing fully well what he did to deserve it.

And the itch came back, strong and strange. As that strange feeling grew stronger, his powers diminished. He was fully aware of it, yet couldn't care less. He had deserved it, by what he did to everyone, he couldn't care less if he was a human now. He would just die sooner and that was okay with him.

It was partly thanks to that thought that he understood the itch, the need. He craved something, anything, that could make everything fade away, even for only a moment, even if it was pain. So he picked up his blade and numbly watched the blood prickle down his forearm, finding relief in the way it fell down, but knowing it wouldn't heal that easily.

He'd put on a facade at work, not wanting to worry the few friends he had made over time. They were just work friends, but they still cared for him. And if they learned what really happened to him, they would freak out.

So he played the reserved, laid back person he had always been, learning to use makeup to hide the dark bags under his eyes from his most recent nightmare filled sleep, lying to protect his co-workers from himself.

He would never be alright, that he knew. Sometimes he looked back on himself and laughed bitterly. Oh, how a mess he had became. Once Heaven's most powerful archangel, now he was only Michael Cohen.

Michael who cut himself, Michael who had nightmares so intense he could hardly sleep, Michael who had panic attacks at unexpected moments. Like that time he was in the bathroom and suddenly panicked. And of course, he was alone. He was always alone.

He learned to live like that, just a human, one that would probably be in a mental hospital or on heavy medication because of depression, self-harm and suicidal tendencies. But he didn't really care, in fact he didn't care about anything, he only cared that it had been three years and Lucifer hadn't came back, that now Lucifer would probably never come back.

But any time he thought of dying, there and now, he always thought that this was his punishment, and resisted the urge. Because he deserved it, for everything he had done to hurt everyone.

Heeyyyy... okay I know this one is really depressing, don't worry this isn't what I'm going through in real life, I'm just strangely good at imagining angst about thing I've never even experienced in my life.

So... did you like it? *speaks in hesitant voice because that is too sad to like*

I'm just reminding you that murder is illegal, so please don't kill me!

Btw, there's a In The Heights movie coming soon and Anthony Ramos is the lead!!!!!! I'm so hyped!!!!