BLOOM • awsten knight

62

SEPTEMBER 2018

It takes two weeks for Elle to cry.

She spends a fortnight numbly moving through her days, only changing her scenery between her bedroom and the couch.

Today, she's sat in front of the TV, watching The Office.

She's almost reached her favourite season all over again; it'll probably only take her another week to finish the whole show with the pace that she's watching it - but her eyes start to feel heavy.

Elle lets her head fall to the side, but when she does, she doesn't find Awsten's shoulder there to rest on.

The last time she watched this through, she was with Awsten; they were on this couch, she was on the same spot that she is right now, and he was next to her, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder.

She sits up again, slowly at the realisation, and turns to look around her.

He's really gone.

It's been a little over two weeks, which is the longest that they've ever gone without each other, and it seems to hit her all at once.

Elle feels like her heart is on the floor, as tears well up in her eyes and begin to fall quickly; she sobs to herself, curled up weakly in the corner of the sofa.

Once she starts crying, she doesn't feel like she can stop; and that's exactly what she didn't want to happen.

Awsten is all that's running through her head, and she just wants him to tell her it's all going to be okay; but he's not here.

He's miles away, and that's probably where he'll stay - away from her.

She kicks herself for telling him to leave; a small part of her thinks that maybe if she didn't do that, he wouldn't have - but another part of her still knows better than that.

Even though she knows that Awsten is the one that walked out the door, in a strange way, she feels like she left; she doesn't know why, but it feels like she walked out, just as much as he did.

She didn't fight for them, because he didn't either; but, maybe that's because deep down she knows that this needed to happen.

Elle's breathing is shaky, and she's finding it hard to control it, as she wipes her hands over her face, before there's a knock on the door.

It takes her a second to register, but she moves on autopilot to open it.

Jawn is stood in the hall, with a small bag in his hand, and a worried expression takes over his face when he lays his eyes on her.

"Elle, wh-"

"Sorry," she wipes her sleeve over her face, trying and failing to compose herself.

"Is- uh, is this a bad time?" He asks, carefully. "I can come back-"

"It's okay," Elle shakes her head, opening the door further. "Come in."

Jawn steps into her apartment cautiously, and something feels immediately off - aside from the fact that she's crying; all of the curtains are closed, creating an oddly dim atmosphere, with the TV playing quietly.