BLOOM • awsten knight

72

APRIL 2019

"I'm just done with the mopey, breakup songs," Awsten tells Zakk, with a sigh. "You know? She doesn't deserve to have another album written about her. I'm better than all of that shit now."

He's barely been back from tour for a day, and he's already in the studio, with his producer friend, Zakk Cervini; though, no one can say they expected anything less from him.

"Oh, actually," Zakk's eyebrows knit together, as if he's reminded of something. "I saw her the other day," he pauses, and Awsten studies his expression, "at a bar."

"What the fuck," Awsten laughs dryly, rolling his eyes. "I literally just got a fucking message-" he cuts himself off, "You know what? Never mind, I've got some shit to say."

Zakk loops the instrumental that Awsten had pieced together, and allows him a little room to write lyrics.

They come together quickly, no more then twenty minutes goes by, before Awsten is ready to jump into the recording booth.

The song is angry, but it comes from a better place than the songs that he'd scrapped from the last album.

"Oh, my fucking god," Awsten bounces around the studio as they begin tightening things up. "This! This is how it's supposed to fucking be," he beams, feeling like a lightbulb has gone of in his brain. "This is what we're supposed to be doing, man."

He can feel the warm sensation in his chest for the rest of the night, and his mind is running wild with creativity, as he feels like he's finally got his breakthrough moment that he's been waiting for.

The only downer on his mood is that, the first person he wants to show this new song to, hasn't spoken to him in over half a year.

It's scary to think that it's been so long, and now that Awsten is back from tour, he knows that she's living in LA, too.

She can't be more than twenty minutes away from him at most times, and it leaves him looking for her in every face he sees.

A couple of days pass this way, with Awsten looking over his shoulder, in hopes that he might see her, while working in and out of the studio constantly; until, Jawn comes to visit.

Elle is playing a show tomorrow night, just a one-off by the looks of things, but it's one of the biggest venues that she's played so far, and Awsten just so happens to be around for it.

It's been over a year since he met her, and over half a year since they last saw each other; it feels strange to look back on, but he hasn't had the guts to reach out until now - but maybe he's still a little too scared.

Awsten's palms are sweaty and his hands are visibly shaking.

"This shouldn't be so difficult," he mutters to himself, through a clenched jaw.

Jawn sits beside him, with a frown, before he watches him stand up, beginning to pace.

"If you wanna go, just go," he says, obviously, earning a glare.

"It's not that simple," Awsten shakes his head, after a long moment of hesitation.

"Of course it is-"

"No, because what if she doesn't want me there?" He stops in his tracks, turning to face Jawn. "What if she tells me to just go fuck myself and get out? What if she literally has me black listed? She has every right to-"