Love on Ice

Chapter 20 - Olivia

It's been three days since our first game. 

I haven't slept much and know that will not be getting better as we head towards the end of this week, Saturday in particular.

I'm just getting my bag together when my phone buzzes.

I glance at the screen.

"When you get to the arena, I would like to catch you first, please meet me in my office."

Holy shit.

Is this about the pizza?

About the clumsiness?

Am I being fired?

Oh god.

Not this week, of all weeks, please.

I can feel the panic rising in my chest as my hands start to shake.

I run to the kitchen and grab a glass of water.

I take some deep breaths and regather myself.

Once I'm calm, I head out and make my way to the arena.

~~

I walk up to James office and knock.

"Come in," he shouts.

I open the door slowly and make my way inside.

"Hey Liv, come have a seat," he gestures to the seat opposite his desk.

Oh shit.

I really fucked up.

"Is everything alright James?" I ask as I slowly lower myself into the chair.

"Why didn't you send me any photos from Saturday?" he asks, leaning on his desk, head perched on both hands.

What?

Was I supposed to send them to him as well?

"Oh," I mutter, "I didn't think you needed to see them, I thought I was just sending them to the marketing team?".

"You are yes," he pauses.

What's happening?

"But, the thing is, when my marketing team send me emails regarding your photos, I'm kind of disappointed I haven't even seen what they're referring to," he states as he leans back in his chair.

"What? Oh god James, what did they say? Were they shit? Like terrible? Really terrible?" I bring one hand up to my face trying to hide the embarrassment.

"Liv, no, no, quite the bloody opposite," I frown at his comment, "they fucking loved them, they love you," he laughs.

"They wanted me to pass on their praises, and so I asked them to send me the photos and Jesus Liv, why didn't you show me any of these? They're incredible," he continues.

What is happening right now?

"Blimey James, I came in here thinking you were about to fire me," I state as I laugh to myself and slouch back into the chair, "I didn't send them to you because I thought you wouldn't give a shit, you did state on my first day that you didn't care about the photos, remember?" I finish, before regaining my posture.

"I know Liv, but, from now on, send them to me as well? Please?" he asks.

I smile at him.

"Yeah, of course," I respond.

"Right, we better get ready for practice, don't forget it's a home game this Saturday Liv," he adds as she shuffles some paper into a file.

What did he just say?

"You alright Liv?" he asks as he looks back towards me.

No.

Absolutely not alright.

I assumed it would be away and that I wouldn't be working it.

"I thought it was an away match? We had a home game this Saturday just gone," I state quietly.

"Yeah, the way it's turned out this season is we have three home games back-to-back, sometimes happens, you'll be paid obviously Liv," he replies.

Not the money I'm worried about James.

I can feel my hands starting to shake.

"Oh, right," I stutter out.

"Liv is everything alright?" he asks, concern in his voice.

"Yeah, sorry, okay, no problem, I'll remember," I add before quickly getting up and heading for the door.

Get me out of here.

I'm out the door before he can respond.

Shit.

I can feel my eyes starting to pool.

I pick up my pace and head towards the toilets.

~~

By the time I've locked myself into a cubicle the tears are streaming down my face and my breathing has picked up.

I rummage through my bag and find my medication and a bottle of water.

I sit perched against the cubicle door for a while until my breathing has returned to somewhat normal.

I'm glad that wasn't as bad as it can be.

Thank God I packed my pills, I knew something was brewing.

Although I feel like this was just a 'pre-shock' of an earthquake.

Usually I am able to avoid taking my medication and phone Megs, her talking to me acts as my medication.

But I can't tell her about this, she won't go away if she knows I'm already in a state about it and I don't want to stop her from having a good weekend away with Mark.

I take a deep breath and slowly make my way to the bathroom sinks.

My eyes are bloodshot and glistening.

Well, if I can be thankful for anything right now, it's that I didn't wear makeup today.

I splash some cold water on my face and use a paper towel to dry it off.

I wipe my eyes and grab my bag.

~~

Before I know it, Thursday's training session is upon us, James has text me in the morning saying he had got called into work and had pushed the training session to this evening.

I still haven't thought about what I'm going to do on Saturday.

I will have to phone in sick, but if I phone James, he will know something is wrong by the way I bolted on him at the mention of this weekend.

Fuck.

I can't come to the game.

I just can't.

It's just before 7pm and I make my way down the hall.

I haven't slept this week, only a couple of hours each night where my body has finally given in and crashed.

I've been at uni all day and haven't been able to focus on anything.

This practice is the last thing I need right now.

I walk down the hall and notice Connor walking towards me, half gear and walking in his socks.

"Hey Liv, you alright?" he asks.

I give him a warm but fake smile, keeping my glare to the floor, "yeah, thanks, have a good practice," I reply as I head past him and up to the stands.

I do not want any interaction is evening.

I did contemplate at one point heading to the top stands, but that might just be a little pathetic.

I head into the rink and take a seat on the cold, concrete step between the rows of seats.

Waiting for the boys.

My mind drifts.