Love on Ice

Chapter 27 - James

FUCK.

I fucked it.

I slam my office door shut and push a stack of files off my desk onto the floor, crashing into a pile of papers.

I could see the hurt written across her face when I retreated from addressing what just, nearly just, happened.

I might as well have slapped her across the face.

I should have gone after her.

She could be freaking out right now, having another...

SHIT.

What if I caused her to have another panic attack?

What if she thinks I hate her?

A million thoughts run through my head as I let my head fall to my chest as I stand over my desk.

I grab my bits and head to my car.

Anger and frustration fuelling my strides.

~~

Just as I exit the arena, I notice Liv sat on the floor against one of the large pillars that make the entrance to the arena.

Fuck, she hasn't had another one, has she?

Out here in the cold.

Shit.

Shit.

"Liv?" I quickly state, question.

She turns her head to me abruptly, clearly I caught her by surprise.

"James, sorry, didn't see you there," she replies before bringing herself to stand.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

She's holding her phone in her hand, glancing down to it as she speaks.

"Waiting for an Uber."

She's what?

Absolutely fucking not.

"Cancel it, I'll take you home," I state.

"No, no its fine honestly," she replies, "I can't actually get hold of an Uber right now, but one will be along in no time, hopefully."

"Even more reason for me to take you, you could be waiting all night," I reply.

She looks up at me to clearly argue back but stops herself at my stern expression.

"You really don't have to James," she replies quietly, "I can call a taxi company."

"Seriously Liv, absolutely not, come on," I reply as I make my way to my car.

Why did she not drive?

It's the evening, so I doubt she's 'hungover' like she was the last time she didn't drive.

Although, she didn't have her car the day she had her panic attack and I drove her home.

Why isn't she driving?

As we get into my truck, I wait for Liv to buckle up before I pull away.

"What happened to your car?" I ask.

I see her glance my way out the corner of my eye, "nothing, I just didn't want to drive much lately," she replies.

I feel like there's a deeper meaning behind that.

Nothing makes sense.

What is going on with her?

"Is everything alright Liv?" I ask, I hear Megs words in my head 'please don't pry, she will tell you when she's ready' and then I hear Liv's from this morning, 'I will tell you James, just not right now.'

I hear her take a deep breath, "everything's fine James, I just have a lot going on right now," she replies.

Don't pry.

"Okay," I reply quietly, getting the feeling from Liv, that this conversation isn't going anywhere.

After a good few minutes of silence Liv perks up.

"I had lots of fun tonight," she says, clearly trying to break the tension, "I really enjoyed skating, my cheeks actually hurt from smiling," she adds while laughing slightly and massaging her cheeks with her fingers.

I smile in her direction, "I think the boys had fun as well, you bring a good vibe to the team Liv," I reply.

"Really? I do love it there, it's like a big family," she replies, the last statement sounded almost, sad, coming from her mouth.

"I haven't laughed like that for a long time," she adds, and I feel the pain deep down inside me, I may not understand her story, but I know she's hurting.

"I'm glad to hear that," I reply as I bring my truck up to the bottom of her driveway.

I really don't want to leave her.

Especially while she's feeling this broken.

While she's being eaten from the inside out by demons.

Once she grabs her bag, she stares out the window for a few seconds before bringing her face back around to mine.

"I really do feel like home with you boys," she adds, "I hope one day you can understand."

Understand?

Why does she sound guilty?

Like she has done something wrong.

Or is about to.

I frown, "Liv," I don't really know what to say, so many thoughts are going through my mind.

"Thank you, James, for making me feel like home again, I forgot what that feels like," she replies quietly.

Why does this feel like a goodbye?

She leans over from her seat and plants a gentle, oh so gentle, soft kiss on my cheek.

"Goodbye James," she replies with a forced smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I reply, trying to make meaning of her words.

She exits the truck and holds the door open, "yeah, absolutely, see you tomorrow," she replies with a suspicious, guilty look.

She's lying.

I can tell, I can read people like a book.

But she has her book locked up and the key even more hidden.

There is more to her than meets the eye.

I watch as she walks up the walkway, before turning and giving me a sorrowful look.

Why did she just straight up lie to me?