Love on Ice

Chapter 29 - James

Liv's lying between the bath and the toilet, legs out straight in front of her, back and head against the wall.

One arm is hanging over the closed toilet seat, a photo in hand.

Her other arm hanging over the bathtub, bottle of vodka in hand.

I glance at her face.

Pale.

Dark eyes glaring forward, looking into space.

As my frame comes into the doorway, she glances up to me.

She gives me the most stomach-churning, heart-breaking glares.

I step into the bathroom.

"Leave." she states abruptly.

I ignore her, knowing the more I speak, the angrier she will get.

I take my jacket off and throw it over the other edge of the bathtub.

"I said leave," she grumbles.

I move to my knees, slowly lowering myself and taking a seat against the bathtub, sitting in front of her.

She moves her legs up to bring her knees to her chest.

She continues staring at me, before taking a deep swig from the bottle in hand.

I take a glance at the photo in her other hand, which I can now see.

It's the girl.

The little girl who I saw in the photo Liv dropped on her first day.

I remember her reaction when I gave her the photo and know that whatever...this...is, is due to that girl.

Her sister.

I glance back at Liv, who hasn't taken her eyes off me.

"Leave," she states once more, "I won't ask you again James."

I stay routed to the spot.

I'm not leaving.

Not when my Liv is in this state.

"GET THE FUCK OUT," she shouts as she scrunches up the photo in hand and throws the bottle into the bathtub at the same time.

Once her hands are free, she throws them forward, hitting me on my arm and chest as she continues to shout.

"GET OUT."

"NOW."

"I DON'T WANT YOU HERE."

"LEAVE."

"GET THE FUCK OUT," she shouts, as the tears come streaming down her face.

I grasp both her hands as she fights for freedom.

I pull her gently around me and hold her hands with one of mine, preventing her from hurting me, or worse, herself.

My other hand moves to pull her head close to my chest.

She sobs uncontrollably into my chest, and I feel the tears soaking my tee.

She continues to tell me to leave, to go, but I hold her close and whisper into her hair.

"Shh Liv."

"Shh, it's alright."

She gave up her fight relatively easily, clearly tired and exhausted.

I rock myself back and forth slightly as I pull her body round, so she's laying sideways between my legs, body and head resting on my core.

I can feel her grasp on my hand.

She's not pushing it away anymore but pulling it closer to her.

Just like she did in the supply closest.

I lay my head back against the top of the bathtub as I let out a sigh of relief.

"James," she says, barely audible through the sobs.

I shush her again, quietly, and calmly.

I move my hand around to the front of her face and stroke down her cheek bone.

I can feel the wet, raw skin of her cheeks.

~~

We sit like this for what feels like hours as Liv continues to cry into my chest.

I look up when I see Megs peak her head round the door.

She smiles at me before walking in and kneeling down next to Liv.

She pushes a strand of Liv's hair back which fell over my hand holding her cheek.

I look down at Liv's face and notice her eyes are closed, but she's still crying uncontrollably.

I look to Megs who's wiping tears from her own cheeks.

Her hand replaces mine on Livy's face and I move that now free hand to Megs, placing a reassuring grasp on her shoulder.

She smiles back at me and mouths 'thank you'.

"Livy, do you need anything?" she asks gently towards Liv.

I look down at Liv who opens her eyes to Megs.

She gently shakes her head on my chest and Megs nods, "okay," she leans her head lower to Liv's level, "I'm going to go to bed, are you okay with James, or would you like me to stay?" she asks.

I am so grateful that Liv has her, but I'm also so glad that I can take some of the pressure off Megs.

She said this has happened before.

I can't think how much Megs must worry for her friend.

How helpless she must feel.

Not that I feel like I've got anywhere here, but the way Megs thanked me, I must be doing something right.

Liv wriggles from my grasp and looks up towards me, her eyes are puffy and red, she looks so...broken.

She clears her throat, "I'm sorry James, you can leave, Megs can be with me," she adds, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

Please don't make me go now.

Please.

I remember what Megs said, 'stand your ground'.

I shake my head and pull her back to my chest.

"Go to bed Megs, I've got it from here, get some rest," I nod to Megs.

Megs gives Liv a quick squeeze on her hand and gets up, "I'll be just down the hall if you need me."

"Thanks Megs," I reply.

I notice Megs pull back the duvet on Liv's bed and place the lamp on before leaving and shutting the door.

I continue to stroke Liv's hair and set a small kiss to the crown of her head.

Thoughts of last night's conversation pop into my head.

The way she said we were her family.

She felt like 'home'.

The way she was saying goodbye.

It wasn't a goodbye to life, like I had worried.

It was a goodbye to her family, her job, me.

She knew she wouldn't be coming to the game tonight, and I can only imagine she thought she would be fired for this.

Not on my watch.

I will never let her go.

"You're not fired Liv."

"...thank you, James," she whispers.

I pull her tighter.