Lost but found

Chapter fifty seven

Scarlett's POV

" I just got a text from nova" he said letting go of me. Why would she be texting him she's just upstairs I know she's upset with
Me but this is a whole different game. " she's at Lizzie's" he said in shock and I looked at him not even believing that. " what-no-how?!" Ans he shook his head " how am I gonna make it up to her if she's not even here colin?" And he sighed " why did you say that you don't love her?" And I winced I am an awful mother " it just came out I wasn't Even thinking I just said it. She's been looking for a reason to believe she shouldn't be happy with us and I handed it to her on a plate" and he. Nodded " yes you did" and I sighed " she's not gonna hear me out now she's at Lizzie's. I need to see if she's okay though" I said pulling my phone out it's a long shot but I do need to make sure she's actually there.

The phone rang and I held my breath please be there nova. I know she's safe with Lizzie I don't know if she's have lied to us." Hey scar" she said and I sighed in relief " is nova there?" I asked quickly and she replied " yes she's with me" and I nodded do Colin " I wanna talk with her I'm coming-" ans she cut me off " no no I think she needs abit of time before seeing you" which shattered my heart great. " but can I talk to her?" And she replied " Scarlett she doesn't wanna see you right now, I know you really wanna talk to her but she's really upset give her time" and I heard someone speak and I thought maybe it's nova " was that her?" And Lizzie replied " no it was Robbie talking to the cat" and I nodded and replied " Lizzie just take care of my little girl please" and she spoke " yes Scarlett I'll take care of her you know I will bye" and I ended it. " she's staying with Lizzie" I whispered and Colin pulled me into another hug " it's okay she'll hear you out when she's ready " and I shook my head " it's not okay I lost her and when I finally get her back I ruined it. I let her think I don't love her when I do Colin I love her so much it hurts" and he nodded " I know" and I kept on crying it hurts so much knowing I hurt my girl." I should never have freaked out on her like that" and he shifted " what?" And I looked at him he's avoiding my eyes he's not saying something " Colin" I said flatly he better tell me what he's keeping from me " she flinched" he said looking at me and I gave him a confuse look " when you walked toward her she flinched. She looked terrified of-" and I cut him of " me" I said trying not to cry. She thought I was going to hit her? " I scared her" I said quietly and he nodded he doesn't wanna tell me any of this I can see the reluctant energy in hun but he has too or else how can I fix this? I need to know so I can talk with her about it all so she doesn't hate me. I need her and I've just ended it all up. I lost my daughter before and missed out on so much and now I've lost her again because of what I've done. But I'm not losing too much time I need her. Like I physically need her I have to get her back soon I can't risk myself falling back into any form of depression not with my kids.

I can't put any of them through any of that. " I can't cry over what I did" I said to Colin but he stopped me " yes you said it but you didn't mean it. That definitely doesn't make it okay but all she saw was the women who's supposed to be her mother give her the way out of being loved. She's been struggling with all the attention and the love and now she's got her reason to not trust you when you tell her you love her" and I nodded great he's  trying to make me cry after I said I can't cry " she's stubborn like you but she's also a kid scar. She really just wants you anyone can see that. There's a lot you both should talk about I don't think any 15 year  old would smoke for no reason. There's always a reason" and I nodded that should of been how I dealt with this. No yelling no asking dumb things just seeing if she's okay and finding out why she felt to she had to. I use to smoke but I never wanted that for
My kids. Especially for her being so young and I really didn't expect it it was just shock. I kinda always thought I'd be a cool mom that I'd be able to relate with them but it seems I freak out and scream. Which isn't a. Good things at all. " stop beating yourself up" and I sighed " oh shit my mothers gonna kill me" I said they've only met once and I may have ruined it all for not just me but everyone else in my life oh shit " eveyone is gonna get me" I said and he shook his head " no they won't we will deal with whoever when we need to right now novas you're priority" and I nodded he's right I'll always need this man I swear. He's too good for this world and he's too good for me but he chose me despite the fact I am messed up Ann's can't seem to talk to my kids like the age that they are. She's so mature for her age why would she?

I laid down with Colin to watch whatever movie he had put on he didn't put grace and frankie on because that's our show with nova. I don't care if I need to know why happens next I can't watch without her little face.

___________________________

You know it's not the same as it was

Remember to drink water

My messages are always open

Till the next chapter my loves❣️