Stuck At The 9th Step

CHAPTER 51 : SHINN

#SAT9S

DEDICATED TO : JOVELYN MAE AMANTE

CHAPTER 51 : SHINN

I grew up in the lineage of tyrants, resembling oppressive rulers in the crude use of authority and power. We are born and raised by domineering and overbearing parents who never asked what their children want. Our demands are their disposal. We are all controlled and restrained by our bloodline's tradition which made me feel like a helpless prison who never committed a single crime. It was watertight and nobody dared to break the rules, no one 'til the time I initiate. Hindi ko gustong makulong sa diktasyon nila sa mahabang panahon. Hindi ako papayag na magpagamit sa iba. I wanna run my own life.

Kaya naman mas lalo kong hinangad na makawala sa kanila. Gusto kong putulin ang rendang nagtatali sa akin at sa mga Aslejo. As I grew up, I couldn't help but crave for my own freedom, like a vampire who haven't sucked fresh blood for centuries. I couldn't ask them to give us a liberty, neither wish for a privilege to make our own decisions. My family weren't compose of understanding gentlemen and thoughtful mothers. Tao sila pero hindi sila makatao. They seemed respectful prominent people in society but they would never be a good exemplar for the likes of me who had been deprived of exemptions. I lived in huge, spacious houses but it definitely feels like living behind the bars. I couldn't even call it home. Kaya habang tumatagal ay mas tumitindi ang kagustuhan kong lisanin ang mundong ginawa nila.

My brothers were forced to work under their power to continue the legacy without any complaint. My only sister was forced to marry the man of her darkest nightmare who was, of course, chosen by our parents. Ayoko matulad sa kanila. Iniisip ko palang ay gusto ko na pumatay. Their sight wasn't focus on me yet because I'm one of the youngest, but I know for a fact that they will eventually do the same thing to the rest of us. Lalo na sa parte ko. Hindi ko na gusto umabot pa sa puntong 'yon.

Though, I didn't mind it at first. I still consider the idea. Maybe, it was really the best, for the sake of the whole family. To strengthen the business, to gather more power and to leave our own trademark. The second time it enters my mind, my comprehension tightens. I think of it over and over again 'til I no longer understand its significance. Ang babaw ng rason. Lahat ng gusto nilang makuha ay lumilipas at nawawala. Hindi ko gustong sayangin ang buhay ko para sa katuturan na sila lang ang makikinabang. What about my own satisfaction?

Good thing, I endowed transcendent mental superiority which separates me from the rest of young legatees. Even at my young age, I tend to see things in black and white and I used it as a way to unlashed the rope in my neck that suffocates me for years. Wala akong pakialam kung kakaiba ako. Ang gusto ko lang ay makalaya.

"I want to escape, nanny."

"You can't, Elis. You'll only make your parents worry." She countered in a deliberate, calm and soothing manner. She's always like that. Sometimes, I wonder where she gets her patience while serving this monstrous family. I have my share of misbehavior, I admit. I admire her forbearance.

"They never cared anyway." I answered drily.

She sighed, didn't even dare to defend my parent's side because she instinctively knew that I won't waste a second to believe her. I've stated a fact, not just a matter of opinion. Hindi siya kailanman nakialam sa problema ng pamilya pero hindi siya nagkulang sa pag-aalaga sa akin.

"Nanny, teach me to speak your language." She's a Filipina. My father is a Fil-Am but I never heard him speak other than the usual languages we use. I've heard nanny quite a few times when she talks with the other maids and I got curious.

"Sigurado ka?"

I frowned. Hindi ko pa alam ang lenggwahe niya noon, "Huh?"

She laughed. "I said, are you sure?"