Stuck At The 9th Step

CHAPTER 54 : CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

#SAT9S

DEDICATED TO : SHARMAINE MAE BULUSAN

CHAPTER 54 : CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

No one wants to talk about it. I also don't want to open it up. It was like an open secret between me and the Marvals. One should pay respect to a family's seclusion, particularly if you're an outsider. I am the outsider and I shouldn't have witnessed them struggle. It was a private matter and I am no family member. At certain times, I castigate myself. If it has nothing to do with me, then why the fuck did I stay? If the random occurrences weren't as good as what I've expected, do I still have to witness the rest of it?

The feeling is foreign. I can't name it, or maybe I refuse to recognize its label. For the first time, I've got a hard time thinking of a solution to a problem which wasn't totally about me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsasayang din ako ng oras para mag-isip tungkol ro'n. The most strangest thing that I have to deal with was the promise I've said to Rhea. It slipped on my tongue like a common quote, like it was the most natural feelings that I've put into words. I don't feel any regret upon saying it but it terrifies me to death. It's like I was impel by menace. Nakakatakot dahil noon ko lang 'yon ginawa.

Rhea breaks one more record. The effect is earth-shattering and I end up asking myself how many of my records can she break. Hindi pa rin kami masyadong magkakilala at wala rin naman siyang ginawa para magkalapit kami. A give-and-take agreement isn't my forte. I don't usually compromise with people if the advantage wasn't on my side. That's my way to ensure my own benefits. The way I negotiate in my business is another case. You may say it's inveterate selfishness. Self-regarding isn't as bad as what other people think. Hindi ko gawaing tumulong ng walang kapalit pero dahil sa nangyari sa kanya, mukhang magagawa ko ang hindi ko nagagawa dati. I usually go for what's favorable on me but here I am, putting my word of honor on stake. Placing a bet to a fifty-fifty proposition with no benefits to receive after the deal.

I almost laugh on my own stupidity. Deal? Who am I kidding? Rhea haven't deal with me. Neither the rest of her family. I willingly offered to help. Out of pity? Anger? Fuck the reasons behind my decision. I can't take it back. Hell or high water, I won't take it back.

"I'm sorry. Minsan ka na nga lang magbakasyon, ito pa ang mangyayari." I was able to have a sensible talk with Rex. Ryan refused to talk with anyone out of anger. Roy also kept mum about it. No one knows what was running to his head. Kahit naman no'n ay siya ang mahirap basahin sa magkakapatid. While their father tries his best to make his children look on the positive side. I admire his will but it seems pathetic.

I didn't answer back. For now, I can't rely on words.

"Kailan ka babalik sa Amerika?" Tanong niya.

"Two weeks from now." I cleared my throat. "What about Ryan and Roy? Hangga't kailan sila rito."

"Next week sana." He paced the floor as he let out a deep sigh. "Hindi ko alam kung iuurong nila. Aalis rin sana akong Auckland. May tinanggap akong project sa countryside."

"You can't just leave without solving the problem." I almost snapped.

"Papa might stay."

"Your sister might need you. Paano kung sabay-sabay kayong aalis? You can't leave her like that, emotionally drained. She needs assistance." I don't know why I seemed very affected. Maybe it's due to. . .

He nodded. "We're finding a good doctor-"

He didn't say anything wrong but something urged me to cut his words. "That's just secondary. She needs a family to depend on."

A big advise came from someone who despise his own family. Great, Aslejo. That was one hell of a joke.

I don't know why I seemed piss about their choices. Priorities should be done first. Oh, hell, I know it! They have jobs to keep, dreams to ponder, goals to achieve or whatever they want to reach but fuck those things without thinking twice! There are things to consider before that. Things that matter the most. Masmahalaga ba ang mga 'yon kaysa sa kapatid niya? And who the hell am I to interfere? I should've fuck myself first.