her way ✰ (dallas winston x reader)

chapter 47 - your brother, bob

~your p.o.v~

I unfolded the note with shaky hands and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I had to take a minute. What would I find in this letter?

I had to charge it head on. I could get through this.

I thought of Dallas. I thought of what he had told me. I remembered how I had to ignore the horrible voices in my head.

"Prove em wrong babe."

I opened my eyes and began reading.

Dear Y/n,

I'm assuming you're the first one that found this letter, right? I know you'd be the type to lurk around in my room after I died. You're probably reminiscing and wishing I was there. I know I sound confident, but I'd assume you'd miss me. I sure hope so.
I killed myself. I know it looks like murder, but I planned this out. I heard your pal Ponyboy talking to one of his friends about how he and Johnny would be hanging out at the drive in. That's where I'm going to be headed once I finish writing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
My friends are horrible. They pressure me to be this person that I'm not. I don't want to be a reckless, drunk asshole. But every day the peer pressure drives me to be the person I despise.
Our parents don't really love me, they just praise me and give me whatever they think I'd want. I guess they were never able to comprehend the fact that all kids really want is for their parents to love them. They could've bought me everything in the world but it never would've been enough, would it?
I've watched Cherry slowly fall out of love with me. I thought it'd be me and her forever. We used to talk about having a future together, but every single day that vision was slipping out of our fingers. Or maybe she'd already let it go completely and I was holding onto something that was never meant to be in the first place. Yet even though Cherry is giving up on me, I could never give up on her. I love Cherry with everything I have. Tell her for me, will you?
And you.
I think throughout all of this, you kept me grounded. If it weren't for you, I probably would've gotten myself killed much earlier. Now that I'm gone, just don't be too hard on yourself. Don't blame yourself for something I did.
I shouldn't have made two innocent people hurt me, especially people you're close with. But I know I can't be here anymore, yet I can't bring myself to do it myself. I can't drive myself to do it, so I'm forcing someone else to do it for me. I guess this is just more proof that I don't deserve to be alive anymore.
You were the one person who stuck with me. Sure, we bickered and you could definitely be one annoying little sister, but that's the whole point. You were my sister.
And I couldn't have gotten a better sister, which makes me feel so much worse. I wasn't enough for you. I wasn't the older brother you deserved. You dedicated almost all of your time to protecting me, but it should've been the other way around. I'm your older brother, and I wish I could've been there for you.
I love you so much.
I'm sorry.

~Your brother,

         Bob

"Oh, Bob..." I whispered, as if maybe he could hear me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my grip tightened on the paper. I had to tell someone, anyone that my brother committed suicide. Johnny and Ponyboy shouldn't blame themselves anymore, this was all a part of Bob's plan.

I ran downstairs, the letter in hand, and made it to the phone. I quickly dialed the number of the Curtis house since I had it memorized by now.

It rang for a moment, and soon I heard a voice that could brighten anyone's day.

"Hello?"

"Sodapop, hey. Could you maybe give the phone to Ponyboy or Johnny? I really have to tell them something." I asked urgently. I really wanted to tell them as soon as possible. I didn't want them to continue to feel guilty for killing Bob when in the end my brother forced them to.

"Y/n... Johnny and Ponyboy went missing this morning."