How love found me (Niall Horan)

chapter 61: Awakening

Nialls POV

Around 4 maybe 5 weeks later I was sitting on the couch in Carson's room.They had moved her to her own private room. She still hadn't woken up. The doctors had done tons of tests and said she could wake up any time. Her brain was normal size and she was breathing on her own. The bruises were gone and the cuts healed. She had tiny scaring from the cuts but nothing big. I stayed by her side the whole time.I've been back to the house two times other wise I've been showering and staying in the hospital. I don't like leaving her. I don't want to miss anything that goes on with her. Carson's parents are still here. My mom is here too. She said she wanted to be here. They have barley left the hospital too. We've all basically beens staying here. Management doesn't like it. i've missed a few appearances and so has Carson. I had to make a few calls and tell Tommy what was happening. He told me he couldn't wait forever that he wasn't going to be allowed to but he would try his best. I knew he couldn't wait forever, neither can I. Each day that passes is another that I don't see Carson as she really is. Happy, eyes open, smiling, bright. The way I love her. I'd love her in any state she was in.

The press found out what happened to us. Someone leaked pictures and now I get tons of tweets and calls about Carson's state. I just turned my phone off. The boys tell me that the press asks how I am and how Carson is. Its annoying how they always find everything out. I hate it. The press found out what hospital were in and stays outside waiting for us to come out. The two times I've left I had to use the back down to escape them. I don't want to answer their questions. I've only tweeted once to say thanks for all the support from the fans. And that wasn't even me, Zayn took my phone and posted that for me.

"Niall were going to get you food." Charlie stood to leave with Liam. Everyone else was at the house sleeping probably. It was sometime early in the morning. I don't know really. The sun was coming up. I have't been paying much attention to anything besides Carson. I've been talking to her everyday and trying to do everything I can to help her. Theres noting I can do. I just talk to her and tell her how much I love her everyday. I hope she can hear me. I don't want her to think that she's alone. Shes not. Were all here for her. I keep praying everyday that she'll wake up. I thought she would have by now. But she still lays limp on her bed. Unmoving.

I haven't cried much anymore. I just feel like I can't. Like my body cant produce tears anymore. I feel numb all over. Everything thats happened feels so unreal. It still feels like I should wake up and Carson will be next to me and I'll tell her about my dream and she'll tell me its okay, that it was just a nightmare. But its not a dream, its real and its my life. My own personal hell.

I just look at Charlie standing in the door way. I haven't talked to any of them in days. Maybe around a week or so. I can't remember. I have't even been talking to the doctors. They just give me updates on her. I just listen. The only person I talk to now is Carson.

"Niall?" Liam asked. I just nodded at him and then turned to stare out the window. None of them really understand whats going on in my mind. The guilt and loss I feel. I know Carson's not dead,but..but the babies..they are. And its not fair. Its my fault. Its not all my fault but if I had just been paying more attention I could have avoided all of this. The only reason why I don't want Carson to wake up is that she doesn't have to know about the babies. I don't want her to know. I don't want her to hurt. I know thats going to destroy her. I just hope we can find a way to get over it together.

Theres so much were going to have to do to help each other. I know shes going to need my help and I'll be there for anything she needs. All I can do is hope that she'll wake up soon. I grab her hand and squeeze.

"Hey love. Its been two weeks today that you've been in a coma. It probably doesn't seem like a long time but it seems like its been forever for me. I miss you so much. I can't wait till you wake up. I think we'll go and visit your parents for awhile, we go anywhere you want. Your parents are really nice. They try to help me, but no one really can." I give a small fake kind of laugh. "No one but you. The only thing that can help me is if you wake up. If you just open your eyes and look at me. If you just tell me you love me. I'm still praying. I'll keep pra-" I stop because I swear I felt her hand move when I squeezed it again. I just stare at her and wait for any sign that shes moving. Nothing moves besides her chest from breathing. I look down disappointed. I need to stop doing this to my self. Stop making myself think shes moving when shes not. I get excited then nothing ever comes of it.